The Boy Who Knew Me When(5)

What could I say, my mother sat on my bed with my hand in hers smiling ear to ear. I had not seen her smile in almost a year and I would have bent over backwards to keep that smile right where it was. I nodded, threw my arms around her and said the only thing my soon-to-be nine year-old self could say: “Sounds perfect Mama!”





Chapter Two





“Hey Jemma Lee, you all packed, sweety?”

Aunt Tilly stood in my doorway holding out a glass of iced tea. I sat up from my bed, grabbed it from her hands and guzzled down half the glass. Aunt Tilly could not make toast without burning it but she made some damned good sweet tea.

“I think so, if I forgot anything I am sure I can figure out where you live.” I said in return with a crooked smile on my face.

Aunt Tilly rubbed my back and pulled me in for a hug so tight that I nearly dropped my glass spilling half of what was left onto the floor.

“I know I haven’t been much of a parent to you sweetheart, I have just never been good at that kind of stuff, emotions and all. But I do love you, and you are welcome here anytime, day or night. I hope you know that.”

It was true, Tilly was not good at showing she cared but I had never doubted that she did. She was a strange bird, I could tell that somewhere and some point someone had ripped her a new one but she never spoke about her past, heck she barely ever spoke about the present. Not with me anyway. But she made sure I had plenty of food to eat, clean good quality clothes and my own room. She would sporadically give me hugs here and there to remind me that she was still a part of my life and not going any place. Something I always found kind of funny because sometimes I actually forgot.

I pulled away from her and looked up into her big blue eyes “I love you Aunt Tilly!” then threw my arms around her.

She stroked my hair a few times, edged me away and took a few paces backward. “Now that’s settled, Brandon is down stairs. He wanted to see you before he left.”

A sudden wave of panic surged through me and I opened my mouth to tell her to send him away.

“Nope, don’t even think about it young lady!” For a woman so unfamiliar with her emotions she sure could read them well.

“You spent years driving me crazy with Brandon this, Brandon that and while I know you broke up, I also know that boy loves you and you love him. So you take your pretty little butt downstairs and talk to him before it is too late and you spend the rest of your life regretting it. You hear me?”

Half way through her speech the tears were starting to come down so much that I could only nod my head. One thing I loved the most about Aunt Tilly is that she is nothing if not honest and straight to the point.

I shoved my way passed her without saying a word, wiped the tears from my eyes and went downstairs where I found Brandon waiting in front of the door. The very sight of him took my breath away. There will always be a part of me that loves him and knows that he will forever hold a place in my heart. After the last few months I have come to terms with the fact that I just may have cared about Brandon more than I allowed myself to acknowledge but there was no going back. I simply couldn’t break Brandon’s heart any more than I already had. But seeing him standing there, with his head to the ground looking like a lost puppy I knew that I could not stand the thought of losing him forever.

As soon as I hit the last stair he looked up and met my gaze letting out nothing but “Hey”.

“Hey back at yah.” I smiled back and winked flirtatiously.

A tiny flash of a smile played on his lips for a brief moment before he moved his gaze back to the floor, however brief, it was nice to see.

“I miss you Jem,” he uttered under his breath as he looked up to meet my eyes again. “I know I shouldn’t be here, that you don’t want me here, but I miss you and couldn‘t bear to leave without seeing you one last time.”

There it was, the last time. Never again would this beautiful man before me kiss me and tell me I was beautiful and perfect. He would never again tell me he loved me or look at me like I was the only girl he had ever noticed in his entire life. Brandon was no longer mine; I had no claim to him. He stood before me, damaged by a girl who didn’t know the first thing about loving anyone because love scared the shit out of her.

But ‘this girl’ could not bear the words “last time”. I yearned for one more touch, one more moment with the boy whose love I so desperately wanted to return, so I did all that I could think of doing without actually thinking. I threw my arms around him and let out the tears I had been forcing back since the mention of his name moments before. I cried for him, for my brother, my parents, my best friend and for the part me that was so lost I could barely find myself in the fog that constantly surrounded me. With tears pouring from my eyes I buried my face into the warmth of his chest surrounded by the comfort of his arms sheltered by an embrace that I had in no way earned.