The Boy Who Knew Me When(8)

I remember a very brief time in my life where everything was perfect. I don’t remember a lot of depth-ridden details but I remember that I was truly happy. I loved frilly dresses, having my hair pulled into two little braids and parading around the yard disguised as a fairy. I was a child, innocent to the world around her and completely oblivious that life can take a toll on your soul to the point that fight becomes near impossible. It’s been two months since I left Taylor and the world that broke me in two behind me. Brea and I are settled into the life Austin has provided us and for the first time since dancing in fairy wings I feel full and it feels amazing.

It took me a week after moving in to finally open the envelope Brandon placed into my hands the day we said our goodbyes. Not that “goodbye” ever actually left either of our lips. If anything it was not a goodbye at all, our final moments together were more like a hello to new beginnings than a true goodbye. Our relationship has changed, we are not a couple anymore, we are something so much more: we are friends, great friends.

We email, text and talk on the phone several times a week. At first I wasn’t quite sure how we would move forward, we had promised each other that we would always be a part of each others lives but my love for him honestly scared the hell out of me. It wasn’t until I opened the envelope that I knew for certain I could handle the feelings that had been stirring inside of me since that steam filled afternoon in my bedroom at Aunt Tilly's.

“Brea?” I asked out interrupting her from an episode of Maury Povich. Yet another rousing episode of “Who’s the baby daddy?”

“Yeah babe?” she asks putting the TV on mute.

I cross the room from my bedroom, my arms wrapped around the envelope as if was the most sensitive package in the world and sat down next to her on the couch.

“I think I am ready to open it. Do you mind sitting here with me?” Brea’s eyes opened wide, she shook her head no and mumbled “uh-uh”.

Slowly opening the small yellow package I pulled out a piece of white notebook paper and a small red box. Taking a deep breath I unfolded the letter and read:

Jem,

The day you broke up with me my world completely shattered. You broke me Jem, ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. Looking back I can’t say that it surprised me and maybe that is what caused it to hurt so much. Who wants to know that the person they have wanted most of their life didn’t want them back in the same way?

I remember every second of our time together, from the moment I first saw you standing in the hall freshman year to the moment you broke my heart and every second of the last few months I spent trying to pull myself back together. Thank God Brea was here to hold me up because without her I probably wouldn’t be able to write this. I am glad you are going to have her.

I am not writing this letter to rehash the past, I am writing this because I know that for the rest of my life I will love everything about you. I will love that innocent young girl with a broken heart who let me have my shot at piecing it back together. I will love the girl that punched Jason Anderson in the nose for throwing the ball too hard during my first football practice, knocking me on my ass. The girl who I shared my first dance with, my first kiss and the girl I gave myself to, body , heart and soul, a first for us both.

You have always floored me Jem. Every time I ever laid eyes on you after not seeing you for a few hours you floored me. Seeing you lit up my day and no matter what shit was happening at the moment all it took was one word from your lips to make it meaningless. It never mattered what the word was because it was the mere sound of your voice. It tortures me to know that I will never have you in my life again. I can’t bear the thought and I am determined to have that not be the case.

I wish you could see yourself. I wish you could see the girl that we all see, that you were not so blinded by your past that you can’t see how amazing you really are. And that is the reason for this letter. No matter what happens between us I want you to know that about yourself. You are wonderful Jem! Every inch of you is the picture of perfection. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on; you have no idea how many times I had to fight off the guys on the team. Most of them made it perfectly clear they thought you were hot and would have given a limb for a chance at you. I threatened most of them on a daily basis, not just them but most of the male population at Taylor high school.

Everything you see wrong with yourself, those drop dead bedroom eyes , your perfectly kissable lips, breasts that could feed a man’s dreams for a lifetime, legs that go on for miles, legs I love having wrapped around me and an ass, good lord that ass. J-Lo has nothing on that perfectly sculpted ass of yours. It is as if God took his image of perfection and gave you every single fucking inch of it. Right down to what is inside of you.