The Arrangement Anthology 2(120)
His words break the dam that I’ve been hiding behind and tears flow freely from my eyes. He doesn’t notice and keeps talking, jabbing each word deeper into the open wounds. He understands me more than I knew, and he feels so much more than I thought. Sean isn’t made of ice like Constance. They’re not the same, no matter what he thinks.
“I’m sorry, too—for everything.” Sitting next to him on the bed, I stroke his dark hair as he falls asleep. I doubt he’ll remember any of this in the morning, but I’ll have this memory forever. It’s the confession of a man broken to pieces with demons tearing at his soul night and day. There’s no peace, no release from the pain that haunts him. He’s pushing me away because he doesn’t want me to become him.
The thing is, it’s too late, because I already am.
Chapter 7
Sean stirs in the early morning, coherent and swearing. He stops, suddenly still. “Avery?”
I’m groggy from lying awake all night, pouring my soul out to him. He’d smile and drift off, happy I was there, but I doubt he recalls a word or any of the gentle kisses we shared. “Good morning, Sean.” Pushing up on my elbow, I sit up on the side of the bed. “That four o’clock nurse was mean.”
He’s on autopilot and his voice sounds cautious. “You’re just saying that because she tried to throw you out.”
I go from sleepily rubbing my eyes to sitting straight up and gaping at him. How does he remember that? The entire night should be a blur. I try to hide my fear and cover it with a stretch. Sean doesn’t notice, or at least I don’t think he does. I laugh it off. “Lucky guess. Everyone is going to try to throw me out once the shift changes, so I better go. Besides, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”
He’s lucid with his jaw clenched and his shoulders held tightly in place, but his deep blue eyes are unreadable. “Avery, you need to steer clear of me for a while. They shouldn’t have let you in last night.”
“It figures you remember that part.” Folding my arms over my chest, I look down at him. “What else do you remember, Mr. Jones?”
“Only that I said things I shouldn’t have. This isn’t truth serum.” His hackles are rising as he points at the IV bags. Something he said has him worried. Or maybe he has no idea what he said at all.
“I won’t tell your secrets.”
“I don’t want you to know everything.”
“What? Where’d that come from? Coherent Sean is saying something forthright?” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t bite.
“I mean it. There are things you shouldn’t know. Ignorance protects you. Some people were made to walk alone. I’m one of them.”
That’s it. I’ve had it with his wall and I won’t be pushed away again. “Bullshit. Last night you said you loved me.” Sean looks away, his eyes searching desperately, avoiding my gaze. “You told me a lot of things and I told you a lot of things. I have no idea what you heard either. That’s what this is about, right? That you don’t know what you said? Well, the facts are that I don’t know what you remember and I said things that I normally wouldn’t have said to you, so we’re even.”
Sean’s hand grips the switch and he presses the call button. The intercom clicks on, “Yes?”
“I’d like to be alone. Please escort this woman out and don’t let her come back up. I need to rest.” Sean says the words flatly, watching me.
My mind flashes to last night, to the pain I caused him and I wonder if this is part of that.
“Certainly, Mr. Ferro. Someone will be there in a moment.” The static clicks off and I know no one is listening.
Leaning in close to his face, I bite my lips and try not to explode with anger. “That was a nasty thing to do.”
“I’m a nasty person.” He owns the words when they fall from his lips.
“So am I.” My lips brush his on the last word and then I do it—I lean on him enough to make him scream. As his lips part, I dart my tongue inside his mouth, kissing him hard.
The door opens and I hear a nurse yell. “Don’t lean on him! What’s wrong with you?” She yanks me off.
Sean’s eyes are crystal blue and vivid with pain, excitement, and something more. I watch him for a second as I wipe the taste of him off my mouth. “So, I guess you want me to take that job after all? It’s okay. I get it, Sean. If you need me, you know who to call.” It’s a bluff, but I can’t walk away with him thinking that I’m hurt. Using Miss Black is low, but I have no other cards to play.