The Arrangement Anthology 1(100)

Sean glances up at me. His eyes are cold and hard. They could cut through metal. I flinch. “Let me finish. I won’t say it twice.” I swallow hard and sit down on a chair next to the table by the door. Sean paces as he talks. There’s a slight limp when he steps. His hands remain in his pockets.

He stares straight ahead, not looking at me. “It’s not hospitals in general, it’s that hospital. That’s where I lost them. Being in the same place, standing in the same rooms, was too much. I’d rather leave and die on the sidewalk than stay in that place.” Each word is loaded with emotion, pulled from the depths of his soul.

I don’t know what to say. I want to make him feel better, but nothing I say will remove the memory from his mind.

And now I know what happened to the baby. He said them. He must have lost his wife and baby at the same time. I press my lips together tightly. No wonder why he’s emotionally repressed. Losing one person is hard enough, but losing two is an unfathomable amount of pain. My parents’ deaths were hard enough. I can’t image losing a spouse and a child.

When Sean looks up at me, I can’t hide the pity in my eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. You don’t understand what happened.”

“Then tell me.”

He laughs. It sounds so bitter and broken. I know he feels hollowed out inside. I feel the same way. His words are sharp. “If baring my soul was cathartic, I would have done it already.”

I fold my hands in my lap. “Then maybe you’re doing it wrong.”

Sean gives me a look. “Reliving the past doesn’t change the present.”

“It made you who you are. And it would sure as hell help me figure out what the hell is going on inside your head.”

He smirks. “You really don’t want to go in there.”

“How could you throw yourself in front of a truck for me, and then leave? I know you said Marty tossed you out, but Sean…” As I speak, he steps closer and closer to my chair. The look in his eyes changes from defensive to something that makes my skin tingle. My stomach tightens. Sean stops in front of me. He looks down at my hands. He takes one and threads our fingers together before lowering himself to his knees.

Sean looks at our fingers. “You don’t want to know everything. Trust me.”

“How can I, when you act like this? I don’t know why—” He rubs the back of my hand with his thumbs. His eyes are locked with mine. I want to throw myself into his arms so badly.

“This is who I am. I’m not a good catch, Avery. I’m fucked up. You know that. You know me well enough to see it. I don’t pretend to be something I’m not. No amount of talking will fix anything I’ve done. No amount of explaining will justify my choices. There’s no reason for you to be here. There’s nothing left that’s worth saving.” Sean buries his face in my lap and holds onto me like he’s drowning and I’m the only one who can save him.

Bleary-eyed, I stare straight ahead with my mouth hanging open. Words won’t come. I run my fingers through his hair, gently. I rub my hands over his shoulders and neck, wishing that I could ease some of his pain. We sit like that. It feels like half the night passes before he looks up at me.

When he finally does, Sean stands and takes my hand. He pulls me to my feet and over to the bed. We crawl under the covers and hold each other until sleep finally comes.





CHAPTER 5





I wake up the next morning with a bitching headache. I stretch and instantly regret it. I blink a few times and remember where I am. There’s an arm across my middle. I smile and look over at Sean. He’s awake, watching me.

“I’m not letting you go,” he says. There are bruises on his face, but most are under the stubble.

I smile. “Then give me a reason to stay.” I roll onto my side and Sean pulls us together. My heart pounds harder. I can feel every curve of his ripped body against me.

Sean lowers his head and presses his lips to my neck. I shiver and hold my breath. “I shouldn’t.” He kisses my neck again. His lips slip over my skin, and his tongue evokes a slew of sensations that shoot through my body.

“Sean,” I moan his name and push him away. “We can’t…”

But Sean doesn’t stay away. Instead, he comes on stronger with delicious, delicate touches that make me close my eyes and beg for more. Then, he abruptly stops. “Alright, we can stop.” He’s grinning at me. Sean’s made me all hot and bothered and then stopped.

I shove him and laugh, “You suck.”

“I tried, but you said no.” He gives me a crooked grin and sits up. He still has that rumpled shirt on with the front hanging open. Sean kicks the covers off and stands.