The Alpha’s Desire 1(41)
She laughed out loud whole-heartedly at her own joke. “Please relax. You look like you are going to jump out of that seat any second and lose it on someone. Your foot is shaking a mile a minute,” she counseled. “You’re going to have a mini stroke. Being in the hospital will not get you the chance to talk to him.”
“I know. I know. Trust me, I can no longer stand myself. Sometimes this week I’ve been so on edge, so hyper, that I went through a list of possible downers I could get my hands on. Like valerian root or something; don’t worry, nothing illegal. But then, my mood would fall on its own and I found myself looking for a way to bring it back up. The rollercoaster nearly made me sick. I have to get an answer, good or bad, one way or another. Then I just need to accept it. I’m needy, not delusional. I realize that after not hearing from him for two weeks, the answer probably will not be one I want to hear, but at least I’ll have heard it, I hope. Then I can get to moving on, like I always do,” I sighed.
“Like you always do. Exactly,” she exclaimed. “For what you have had to deal with in life, you are one of the toughest people I know. You know how to bounce back.”
“Right. I do. Just wish I knew why a one night stand matters so much to me,” I stated as my brain somehow, finally, started to think more rationally than it had in weeks. “I talked to the guy a few hours, had amazing sex with the guy a few hours, and that was that. In the scheme of things, I’ve no idea why I’ve made it so important. I just can’t shake the closeness, the pull he has over me for no good reason whatsoever. Sorry for rambling, but I just hope that the answer I get, if bad, isn’t brutal.”
“No, don’t apologize, those were the sanest statements I’ve heard from you since you met the guy!” She laughed. “There, now my girl is back. We just have to make it through tonight. He’ll give you an answer or he’ll have me to deal with, too.”
“You’re great,” I offered.
“Of course,” she giggled. “I’ll go get the drinks. What’re you in the mood for?”
“Beer. Just a plain old beer will do tonight. I need to be sober.”
“You got it.”
Chloe had no sooner walked away when Lex walked through the door. Alone. I stood abruptly, and he looked my way. Rather than a smile, his face set in rigid lines. After a brief pause, he walked straight toward me. I felt numb. No emotion caused my muscles to tense. No thought made my breathing escalate. In fact, my breath had basically just paused, or at least become so shallow I didn’t feel the rise or fall of my chest. Good thing, too, as I didn’t have a whole lot of room for expansion in this black dress I’d splurged on just for tonight.
When he got to me, our eyes locked. The amber in his burned. If he could have set me on fire with a look, I’d have been a pile of ashes right now. Willing my mouth to move, it refused as we just stared at one another. I watched his mouth twitch a few times as if he had something to say but couldn’t find the right words.
His hand grabbed my arm, then. I gasped. If we’d turned heads, gained unwanted attention, I’d not been given the chance to notice. He dragged me backstage, my heels making tiny hard clicks on the floor. Surely that had drawn some attention. At least Chloe would see my departure. Knowing I was with him, she’d give me some time before she came looking for me. When we got behind the curtain, we were only left in a hallway-sized room full of boxes and crap. He pushed me back against the wall, and released my arm as if I’d burnt him.
“You have to stop looking for me. This can’t happen,” he growled in a deep, guttural tone.
His fisted hands tightened and relaxed in rapid succession. Good thing I doubted he would hit me, but he looked ready to hit something. In his tight black t-shirt under a thin chocolate-colored jacket, I could see his abdominal muscles clench as well. Shoulders raised, he looked more like he was preparing for a fist fight than a question. I gathered my courage, straightened my spine, and spoke the words that floated into my mind.
“You knew I was looking for you and you still stayed away?” I asked, immediately deflated with the realization of the meaning of his words. I wouldn’t show it, though. I held my mouth in a tight line, revealing nothing. Although, my now fast beating heart weighed and thumped to create an immediate ache in my chest. I swore the beat of it had to be audible. It rang in my ears.