Taking It All(43)

"First of all, it never crossed my mind that you got pregnant on   purpose. But even if you had, I'd be overjoyed. Secondly, we've already   established what a dumbass I am. I knew how much you wanted children. I   wanted them too. But there were two reasons I wanted to hold off. One   was me being purely selfish. I wanted you to myself a little longer and  I  knew once we had a child that I'd have to share you with our son or   daughter. It shames me to say that, but I won't lie to you. The other   reason was because I wanted to be sure I could provide for my family   financially. But Chessy, I'm thrilled that you're pregnant. Is that why   you haven't been feeling well?" he asked anxiously. "Is everything okay   with the pregnancy? Have you seen a doctor yet?"

"I haven't seen an obstetrician yet," she admitted. "I only found out   because I went to my general practitioner to ask for medication for my   stress and anxiety. They obviously ran a pregnancy test when they drew   blood and it was then he told me I was pregnant. I knew I had to tell   you right away so here I am."

"Thank you for not keeping this from me," he said. "I want to be able to   share in every aspect of your pregnancy. I want to go to every  doctor's  appointment and I want to see our child grow inside you. Feel  him or  her kick for the first time. And watch you grow rounder and more   beautiful with each passing day."                       
       
           



       

"You act as though me being pregnant fixes everything," Chessy said   quietly. "It doesn't, Tate. We still have so much to work out. I keep   going back and forth with myself over whether to see a divorce attorney   or not."

Tate's blood ran cold and he was seized by paralyzing fear. But he had   to keep calm. He couldn't afford to do or say the wrong thing and drive   her away for good.

"I know we have a lot to work out, but I'm willing to try. Are you?"

She bit into her bottom lip nervously, her eyes cloudy with uncertainty.   "I don't know," she admitted. "This whole thing has thrown me for a   loop. I don't know what the right decision is. I just know I can't   continue on like it was before. Our child deserves better. I deserve   better."

"Yes, you do deserve better than I've given you," Tate said, not even   bothering to hide the truth in her statement. "And I'm committed to   giving you better. One hundred and ten percent of me from now on. But I   can't do that if we're apart. I need you here. Where I can take care of   you and our baby. You aren't happy. I'm not happy. What do we have to   lose by trying?"

"I can't make that decision in a split second," she murmured. "I need   time, Tate. I need time to think. To process this all. I only just found   out about my pregnancy. I haven't had time to figure out what's best   for our child or for me. Much less us."

And yet she'd come to him at her first opportunity. She hadn't tried to   hide the fact that she was pregnant. That gave him hope that all wasn't   lost. She'd trusted him enough to confide in him. But then she was   inherently honest. Hiding anything wasn't in her nature. It was one of   the things he loved most about her. She wasn't adept in disguising her   emotions, her moods. He knew them all.

He wanted her back before he knew about their child, but did she realize   that? Surely she did. He'd certainly not made it a secret in his   relentless pursuit of her over the last weeks. But he had no way of   knowing how or what she was thinking. It was new and frustrating for   him. He'd always been able to count on her predictability. A quality   some men might not find attractive, but for Tate, always knowing just   where he stood with Chessy and knowing she always stood with him had   been a source of great comfort. But it had also been his greatest   downfall because he'd grown too complacent, too confident in the fact   that she was with him through thick and thin.

Never would he take her for granted again, but he had to find a way to   convince her of that. Words were just words and they no longer held any   power with her.

"I'll give you time," he conceded. "But please don't shut me out, Chess.   Allow me to see you and our baby. Let me go to the doctor with you. I   won't pressure you and I won't demand anything you're unwilling to give   me. But give me a chance to show you that I've truly changed, starting   with the announcement of my partnership tomorrow. I'd like us to start   over. Whatever I have to do to regain your trust I'll do."

"You want to date?" she asked skeptically.

"I want us to see each other," he corrected. "I'd rather not live apart   while we're doing it, but if you need time and space, I'll give it to   you. But I want to see you, which means coming over, going out to   dinner, you coming here so I can cook dinner for you like tonight. I'd   like to go to your first obstetrician appointment and be included in   your prenatal care. I want to talk about baby names and pick out baby   furniture and clothing."

Her expression softened and his pulse sped up. She was caving. He could   see it. But it was a hollow victory at best because he still didn't  have  what he most wanted. Her back in his life, his house, his bed. But  he  had to believe that in time those things would come. The  alternative  didn't bear thinking about.

"I'll consider everything you've said," Chessy finally said. "I should   be going now. Kylie and Jensen are going to be worried. They didn't want   me to come alone."

Tate's expression darkened. "Do they think I'm some ogre who's going to abuse you?"

"No," Chessy said softly. "But they're afraid you'll hurt me.   Emotionally. And I'm not in a good place right now. As I said before the   whole reason I went to the doctor was to ask for medication for  anxiety  and depression. Instead I found out I'm pregnant. I'm scared.  More  scared than I've ever been in my life. This isn't easy for me,  Tate. I'm  not used to questioning my every decision, but I've continued  to make  bad ones. I can't afford to do that now that I have a child to   consider."                       
       
           



       

Tate closed his eyes, the ache in his heart making his chest hurt. "I   wish you wouldn't go. I'd like you to stay so we can talk. About the   baby. Our future."

"It hasn't been decided yet if we have a future," she pointed out. "I'm   open to seeing you. On my terms, not yours. But ultimately the decision   resides with me and I expect you to respect that."

He bit his tongue against the urge to argue. To try and wear her down.   Only her complete look of fragility and fatigue halted him. The last   thing she needed was more stress piled on top of her.

Patience. This was going to require patience, a trait he was very   unfamiliar with. He'd never had to wait on anything in his life. When   he'd met Chessy, he'd immediately known she was the one, and he'd   pursued her and won her in short order.

And now he'd lost her.

"When can I see you then?" he asked bluntly.

"I'll call you," she said.

He made a sound of impatience. If he waited for her to call he may well wait forever.

"I will call you, Tate," she said quietly. "I just need a few days. I   have a lot of thinking to do. Perhaps we can get together this weekend."

It took everything he had to sit there and agree when his gut was   screaming at him to argue, to chip away at the wall between them until   she gave in. But he didn't want a reluctant victory. He wanted it all.   Chessy. Their baby. Her heart, soul and body. And he wanted it given   freely. Not because he'd forced her into a corner.

"I'll wait for your call then," he finally conceded. "But promise me if   anything crops up, if there are any problems with your pregnancy, that   you'll let me know so I can be there."

"I have no intention of keeping anything from you, Tate."

She rose from the couch and he caught her hand, reluctant for her to leave just yet.

"Do you have to go now?"

She nodded. "I don't want Kylie and Jensen or Joss and Dash to worry. They've worried enough about me lately."

"I've worried about my girl too," Tate said in a low voice.

Hurt immediately echoed in her eyes at the endearment. He hadn't meant   to land a blow. It just slipped out, a natural pet name he'd always used   for her.