TORTURE ME_ The Bandits MC(82)

“Because it’s not your job, Fiona! Your job is to help battered women back home, with me, not this private investigator shit. It’s not who you are.”



“And how would you know?” Fiona snapped, regretting her sharp tone the second after the rhetorical question left her mouth. She sighed again and walked over to sit down next to Carl on the bed. “I’m sorry, but you have to understand that this has to come first right now.”



“Why?” Carl asked, his face looking genuinely confused.



“Because,” Fiona began, tying her hair back from her face so she could concentrate on what she was about to say. “Because it’s a part of my life. It’s a big part of who I am, a really big part that I can’t just ignore anymore. I know that now.”



“Then why has it never showed up before?” Carl asked, and Fiona knew he was referring to the past several months of their relationship.



Fiona began to pick at her fingernails, digging her nails into her cuticles to punish herself for what she was about to say, even though she knew it was only the truth. “Because I hid it from you. I didn’t…want you to think of me as weak. Or as damaged or broken or whatever. I thought that if I just told you what happened but made it seem like it didn’t affect me anymore, maybe then I could have a normal life. But it’s just not who I am. I will never have a normal life, not really, not one without some reminders of what happened to me.”



“I don’t understand that,” Carl said. “You were happy with me. You were healthy. Why go back here and get sucked back into all these things that are only going to remind you of the worst thing that ever happened to you?”



“Because the girls need me, Carl,” Fiona said. “And…little me needs me, too. The young parts of me, the parts that still live inside of me, they need to be acknowledged. I can’t just shut them up anymore and pretend that they don’t exist, that what happened to them has to be erased for the rest of me to survive. It’s just not fair to me. I can’t pretend to be the person that you fell in love with anymore.”



Carl leaned back a little on the bed, bracing his fists on the mattress like he was about to launch himself out of the room. “So where does that leave us?”



Fiona couldn’t do anything but answer the question honestly. “I don’t know.”



“Well, that’s just fucking fantastic,” Carl spat, getting up from the bed and pacing around for a minute before turning to face Fiona, looking down at her from his standing height. “Is that really all you’re going to say to me?”



Fiona nodded slowly. “For now.”



“ ‘For now?’ What does that mean, exactly? Do you have something more important to do?” Carl’s tone was sarcastic, but Fiona nodded again, causing his mouth to fall open in shock. “What the hell, Fiona?”



“I have to borrow your car. There’s something I need to do tonight, and it can’t be put off any longer. And yes, before you ask, it’s related to the case. I need to get somewhere as fast as possible. If you love me at all, you’ll let me use your car, just this once, just for tonight,” Fiona said.



Carl sputtered for a minute, shaking his head before he responded. “Wow, you’re just a fucking piece of work. You know that? You know I don’t want you messing with this shit and then you give me an ultimatum? Who do you think you are?”



“Your fiancée, who needs your help,” Fiona said, feeling a little bit stung by the harshness of Carl’s words. “I just need it for one night. One more night on the case. It’ll make or break the whole thing, but the girls are depending on me.”



“Who are ‘the girls?’ ” Carl shouted. “Huh? Who are they? The dead girls? They don’t fucking need you, Fiona. They’re dead! You’re alive! Start acting like it again or…”



“Or what?” Fiona prompted, getting to her feet to stretch up to her full height, staring hard into Carl’s wide eyes. “Or what? Come on, say it. You don’t want me to give ultimatums but you’re about to give me one right now. Just come out and say it. I already know what it is.”



Carl blew out his breath and narrowed his eyes at her until he was staring at her through tiny slits. “You’re right. You already know what I’m going to say.” He stepped forward, taking Fiona’s hand into his, rubbing the back of her palm with his cold fingers. “I’ll let you use my car, Fiona, just for tonight. But if you aren’t back in a few hours…we’re done. Finished. I can’t live this way, always wondering whether I’ve got you or not. It’s not fair to me.”