TORTURE ME_ The Bandits MC(78)

Fiona’s brow furrowed as she stared silently at Gage for a long moment before finally speaking. “Maybe there’s another reason you think she’s still around. The diary.”



Gage felt his body flush a little, heat rising up his chest and neck and face, but he stayed calm, even though it felt like he was being accused of a crime. Still, he let Fiona continue.



“I know why you haven’t read it yet,” Fiona explained slowly. “And it’s not because you want to respect your sister’s wishes. That’s not it.”



“What is it, then?” Gage asked, but it came out more like a sigh than a question.

“It’s the last little bit of her on Earth,” Fiona said softly. “You don’t want to read it because then…then there’s nothing left. There’s no mystery that she might say something else to you. That’ll be it. Forever. But as long as you don’t read it now, you can picture yourself reading it in the future, hearing from her one last time. It’s your lifeline, isn’t it? Waiting to hear from her again?”



“I never really thought of it that way, but you’re probably right,” Gage said, picturing the way Abby used to hunch over her diary, hiding it from any prying eyes with her own body, guarding it with her life. It was as if it was her life, like it was her soul, being poured out onto paper. It was the one place where she still lingered on the planet, and somehow, Gage figured that once he read it, she’d be gone for good. There was something selfish about that, trapping his sister here on Earth, where she’d been tortured and hurt and killed. But it was what Gage needed more than anything, especially since he was alone now. He needed to have some part of Abby to hold onto so that he could go on being strong or at least pretending to himself that he was okay. He couldn’t lose both Fiona and Abby. He simply wasn’t equipped to handle it, but it was going to happen no matter what.



“Your fiancé seems nice,” Gage lied, changing the subject and tapping his fingers against the wall behind him to distract himself from the falsehood leaving his mouth.



Fiona scoffed a little and shook her head. “He’s usually not like that, by the way. He’s very calm and nice back home. I’ve never seen him get so angry.”



“He’s just worried about you,” Gage said with a shrug. “I would feel the same way.” In fact, if he was being really honest with himself, he did, actually, feel a knot of anxiety at the base of his stomach, getting wider and wider the more he thought about the phone call from the killer. It just didn’t make sense. Why would he target Fiona and not Gage?



“He’s being an ass,” Fiona confessed sharply, rubbing her own arms a second later, clearly chilly as a result of the compound’s low temperatures. “I know what I’m doing. He doesn’t get to just show up and start controlling me, even if we are planning to get married.”



“So that’s still happening?” Gage asked, his voice coming out low and hesitant. His stomach pulsed nervously, but he had to ask the question. He had to know if their lovemaking changed anything for Fiona.



Fiona didn’t answer right away, instead reaching up to tangle her fingers through her hair. Gage knew she was scratching her own scalp to calm down. She always used to do that when she got stressed out from work. “I don’t know, Gage. I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck.”



“What do you mean?” Gage asked.



Fiona blew out her breath and shook her head, raising her shoulders up in a shrug that communicated her mixed emotions. “On one hand, I’ve got a life back home to worry about. I’ve got a nice guy who treats me right, who doesn’t deserve what I’ve done to him.” She paused to shake her head at herself, a bitter smile spreading across her face as she considered her predicament. “And then…there’s here. There’s the city and all its dirty problems, all the women who need my help. And…there’s you.”



Gage’s heart picked up in his chest, skipping several beats like it was trying to jump-rope rather than send blood throughout his body. “Yeah?” he whispered, his tongue practically aching with the effort of asking her to repeat what she’d just said.



Fiona nodded, squeezing her arms closer to her body like she was giving herself a hug to calm down. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know, Gage. I don’t fucking know. It’s not as simple as…caring about you, which I do. I really do. But I’ve got to choose a life that isn’t going to kill me. I’ve got to pick a life that’s not going to torture me and remind me of all the shit that happened over and over and over again. Please understand that.”