Sweet Nothing(45)

“And then they all lived happily ever after?” I quip. Oops. “Sorry.”

“Are you kidding?” He rubs his palms together. “This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I love Lilah, and I can’t imagine life without her. I don’t want to imagine it.”

“Which means you can’t imagine life without Ashley.”

“That’s true,” he admits. “We’ll always be in each other’s lives, but only as Lilah’s parents. Nothing more.” He presses his lips together, tight. “Ashley’s had some problems with alcohol, and I’ve tried to get her help a couple times, but… anyway, I like to stay close. Make sure Lilah’s okay.”

I want to protect Aria that way.

“God, Luke, why didn’t you tell me?” The salt stings my eyes, and my throat feels tight.

He leans forward in earnest. “I should have. I know I should have. But not a lot of people know about Lilah, and I guess I was just afraid to tell you this early.”

“Afraid of what?” I ask, even though I already know.

“Afraid that if you knew what I’d done in the past, and the responsibility I have now, you wouldn’t be interested anymore. I wanted to wait until we knew each other better. Until we were sure that this was something we both wanted.” He rests his hand on top of mine. His warmth and weight is reassuring.

“But I… was… sure.” The words stumble awkwardly from my lips.

I watch as he physically braces himself. Watch the tiny muscles in his face and neck and hands tense.

“And you’re not anymore?”

“I don’t know, Luke.” I push myself to standing, sending curtains of sand to my feet. “It’s just a lot to take in.” I have the immediate, vicious desire to confess my sins to him right here. To dump everything on the sand between us and see how he’ll react. But I can’t. My secrets aren’t like Luke’s. My secrets could end my career. And my work is the only thing I have to keep me afloat. I bite my lip until I taste blood.

“I know it is. And you’re being really great, considering.” He reaches for me; presses one hand against my side and the other against the back of my neck. Forcing me to look deep into his eyes. “Elle. I am so, so, sorry that you had to find out about Lilah the way you did.”

I can feel myself softening with want. “It’s okay, I—”

“It’s not okay. After the art reception at my place, I started rehearsing all the different ways I might tell you. That’s why I didn’t want us to get too involved, too quickly. I wanted to tell you first. I can promise you that this was not how I wanted you to find out.”

“Yeah, it was a pretty shitty reveal, I have to say.” There’s an edge to my laugh. “I definitely didn’t expect another woman to be at your house that early.”

“I know. Ashley wanted to visit her mother in Sarasota for a week, so I asked her to drop Lilah by Sunday morning so I could say goodbye before they left. So she got there early and—”

“Yeah. I remember. I was there.” I give him a little shove. “No need to remind me.”

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly.

My eyes flicker out to the endless ocean. There’s so much more I want to ask, but I can’t find the words. “We should get back.”

“Yeah.”

We cross the sand in silence. When we get to the car, he opens Betty’s passenger door. Before I duck inside, he reaches for my hand. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I’ve missed the warmth of his skin on mine. Missed having him this close. I want him to hold me, but I’m feeling so fragile I’m sure I would shatter.

“Do you think maybe there’s a chance, still? For us, I mean?”

“I don’t know.” The thought of caring for a child, when I can barely keep my own life together, is petrifying. And I’m still mad at him for keeping this part of his life from me, which is entirely hypocritical. But it’s how I feel. “I’m not sure.”

“Okay. I get it.” He releases my hand. “Just… keep the door open, okay? Even just a crack. Can you do that?”

“I’ll keep it open. Promise.”





chapter eighteen



Elle,



It’s only lunch, but things are actually going okay today. The morning started out kind of weird—people would get really quiet and step around me like I had some sort of infectious disease or something—but it’s gotten better, even in just a few periods. Kylie and Liz are being cool about things, and none of the guys are gonna mess with me as long as I’m with David, so… I think today is gonna be okay. Not great, but okay.