Surrender My Love(32)

He held her close and wiped her tears with the pads of his thumbs. “I understand. I’m so sorry. What can I do? How can I keep that fear from taking over?”

She shook her head. “You can’t. I’m not sure anyone can. This is something I need to do. I ran from my past. I packed up a few things and left my life upended back in Towson with the hopes of...God, I don’t even know what I thought when I came here. That a few weeks away would make everyone forget? Or that I could become someone else? I sure as hell never expected to find you.” She lifted her eyes to his, and tears streamed down her cheeks, unstoppable, unwanted, taking a piece of her heart with each warm slide.

He pressed his hands to her cheeks, and she half expected him to tell her good riddance, because she was such a mess. That thought brought more tears, and she pulled from his grasp and buried her face against his chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You don’t have to be sorry. When will you go? How long will you be gone?” He held her so tight that she knew this was killing him as much as it was hurting her.

“I don’t know. As long as it takes, I guess. I need to talk to your parents to see when they can do without me at Mr. B’s. God, I feel so bad for doing this to them, to you.” She slammed her eyes closed against the truth. “To us.”





Chapter Seventeen


COLE WATCHED LEESA talking with his father on the dock. They’d come back to the marina after she’d cried all her tears and she’d tried to reassure him that this wasn’t goodbye. Although he knew she couldn’t stand behind that because even she didn’t know what she was looking for back in Towson. She’d lived there her whole life. All of her memories of her father, her childhood, and her college years were tied up in the town where one act of betrayal had turned her life upside down. What if she went back and, as he hoped she would, she found everything she was looking for and then decided to stay? He couldn’t blame her for that. If anyone understood the significance of memories and family, he did.

The truth was, he’d been fooling himself these last few days. She’d been honest from the start, never committing to remaining in Peaceful Harbor. He’d known that Leesa was unsettled, but he hadn’t realized the extent of her turmoil. She obviously wasn’t used to anyone having her back or taking care of her the way he wanted to. He got that, especially since her asshole ex had left her right when she’d needed him most. But he wasn’t that guy, and he would do whatever it took to prove that to her. What worried him most wasn’t whether someone would bring up her past and they’d have to deal with it. Hell, if it were up to him, he’d call a town meeting, get it out in the open, and deal with it once and for all. Of course, that would be possible only if there were such things as town meetings. But life wasn’t that simple. Life was full of what-ifs and hidden obstacles, like what Elsie was facing with her family. What worried him most was the idea of Leesa going back to her accuser’s family and whoever else she felt she had to clear the air with without him standing beside her, supporting her in any way she needed and in all the ways she deserved.

He never realized that what they’d experienced out on their magical boat ride was the calm before the storm. When they’d arrived back at the marina, Leesa had gone directly to his father, who was working on the boat with his brothers. They’d taken a walk down the dock and were just now, forty minutes later, heading back. Cole had told Sam and Nate what was going on, and then he’d walked off the boat and had been pacing the dock ever since, trying to figure out how she’d ever find closure with something like this.

He felt Sam’s and Nate’s presence behind him before he heard them. Nate’s hand landed on his shoulder, heavy and supportive. “You okay?”

He turned and faced his brothers’ serious gazes. Nate had suffered far greater losses than what Cole was facing. His brother had sent his best friend on the assignment that had cost him his life. What kind of strength did it take to pull through that? Leesa’s leaving tore him to shreds. And what was worse was that she wanted to handle it alone. She’d already had to handle enough alone. As much as he admired her strength, he hated not going with her, protecting her, being there for whatever she needed.

“Yeah. It’s not me I’m worried about. She needs to do this. I get it. I just can’t figure out what kind of closure she’s going to find, and I’m worried about her.” He glanced over his shoulder just as his father embraced Leesa, and he felt his heart swell with love for them both.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that finding peace has nothing to do with making sense of something. If you ask me,” Nate said, “closure is different for everyone. Look at me and Jewel. Jewel needed to learn to let her younger brother and sisters grow up without micromanaging them, while I needed to figure out how to move past my part in Rick’s death. If you had asked me how I was going to do it, I wouldn’t have seen a way. I think Leesa probably doesn’t know, either.”

“I can’t imagine that any of what you just said is going to help Cole.” Sam’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his thick arms over his chest. “How long’s she going for?”

“I don’t know,” Cole said, realizing that she could be gone for weeks. She hadn’t given him any indication of how long she was thinking of going or even whether she was coming back. “I assume as long as it takes. She’s worried about the kid who accused her.” Thinking about the unfairness of what she was going through and how she didn’t deserve any of it, he said, “What I’d like to know is how does someone as good as Leesa get kicked in the ass and put through hell while people who cheat and lie never have to deal with shit.”

“You know what Tempe would say,” Sam said. “This is her ‘test of fortitude.’”

“Spoken like a person who has never had to deal with something as life changing as this.” As soon as the words left his mouth Cole felt guilty, because Tempe helped people every day of her life. She saw the ugliest of cases from the hospital—young kids in hospice whom she tried to help manage their discomfort through music. She knew exactly how life changing this was for Leesa.

“I don’t mean that. I’m just pissed.” Cole ran a hand through his hair as he told his brothers the truth. “I feel useless. And like a total asshole because part of me wishes the kid were an adult so I could beat the shit out of him.”

Sam scoffed. “That’s normal, dude. I think Nate and I feel the same way.”

“I just can’t help but think that if she comes back, she’ll come back in worse shape after being back in a town where her ex treated her like she didn’t matter and the kid she helped betrayed her.” He stopped pacing and said, “What I really want is to go with her and be right by her side as she does whatever she needs to.”

“So do it,” Sam suggested. “Jon’ll cover your patients.”

“I’m not worried about my patients. Leesa said she has to do this alone.”

“Shit, all girls say that. But they don’t mean it.” Sam rubbed the scruff on his chin. “They need men to pull them through the hard stuff.”

Cole shook his head. “Dude, you’ve got a lot to learn about women. There’s a huge difference between a woman needing a man to take care of her issues and a woman determined enough to prove herself.” And even though he knew Leesa was the latter, and he respected the hell out of her for it, that didn’t mean part of him didn’t wish she needed him to be right there with her.


***

LATER THAT AFTERNOON Tegan sat on the edge of Leesa’s bed, watching her pack. “I can’t believe you’re going back. You seemed really happy here.”

“I am happy here.” She shoved a pair of jeans into her suitcase. “But despite needing to go figure this stuff out, I’ve mooched off of you for too long already.”

“Hardly. What about Dr. Oh-So-Orgasmic Braden?” Tegan’s words were teasing, but her tone was semiserious. “You know, it’s dangerous to leave such a cute doc all alone. What if I break my ankle again? He might fall for a damsel in distress.”

Leesa threw a pillow at her. “You’d never hit on him. Besides, his ex seems to be all up in his stuff right now. If anyone will see this as an opportunity, it’s her.”

“Doesn’t that worry you?” Tegan asked.

She sat down beside her friend and sighed. “After having my entire life ripped out from under me by a twelve-year-old’s rebellion, or heartbreak, or whatever the hell it was, I’ve learned that I can’t control what other people do. Worrying about it won’t stop it from happening. I’m worried about Cole, but not about him finding another woman. I don’t even know if our being together is the right thing for him. It feels right to me. I mean, I never once felt for Chris what I feel for Cole after just a few days. We’re both already in so deep, and I worry that his being with me just puts him in harm’s way. I would never forgive myself if he had to deal with explaining my background to his patients or his friends, or…” She looked away, trying to stave off tears.