Surrender My Love(29)

Leesa realized that since spending time with Cole, she’d stopped carrying her notebook with her and hadn’t felt the need to write her feelings down. The realization brought relief, but that relief was not stronger than the churning in her stomach over starting a Girl Power group.

She set her hand over the top of Tempe’s. “Wait. I’ve been thinking about this.” Even more so since Lena called. “You know that even if we plan this, it might not happen, right? I’m still not sure I’m staying in the area.”

“So you really are considering moving back? I just thought, with what’s going on with you and Cole...”

“Well, yes. I mean, I…” She tried to pull her thoughts together, but they were all over the map. She loved Peaceful Harbor, and she didn’t want to even think about leaving Cole, but her life was back in Towson. Although what life did she have left back there? If she went back, she had to work someplace else. But after Lena’s call, she felt even more like she had unfinished business there. Tempe was looking at her expectantly, waiting for a response. She took a deep breath and confided in Tempe, because she felt like she could, and she was sick of the thoughts pinging around in her head.

“I honestly don’t know where I’ll end up. I thought I could just start over, but I’m living in fear of someone finding out.”

Tempe’s blue eyes warmed. “Aw, Leesa, I understand completely. But don’t you think that’ll change after some time passes?”

“I hope so. I can’t imagine living like this forever.” She sipped her coffee, trying to ignore the incessant nagging in the recesses of her mind about what Lena had told her and what Ace had said to her. And then there was Cole, who was stealing her heart one day at a time. That was the best feeling in the world, but the timing was awful, because her past could ruin his present.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“I wish there were a magic switch somewhere. But there’s not, and even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I still worry. Just the idea of having to explain myself here is frightening.” She sank back against the booth. “I’m sorry. When my friend called, she said Andy wasn’t doing well, and I’m afraid it’s really got me sidetracked. If I’m having this hard of a time miles away from Towson, I can only imagine how hard it is for him, knowing he caused my world to fall apart. And it sounds like where I felt like I was tainted, the people who believed in me are looking down at him for what he did. And that makes me feel horrible, because he’s just a kid.”

“Have you thought about talking with him? That might help you both.” Tempe smiled at Joe as he wiped down a nearby table. “And then maybe you can figure out if you’d like to stay here and really try to start over.”

“I think about it all the time. I’m not supposed to talk to Andy, though.” The empathy in Tempe’s eyes drew more of the truth from Leesa, and it felt good to talk about the things that felt like they were burrowing a hole in her. “Cole suggested that I apply for a teaching position here, but all it would take is one person saying the wrong thing and then the whole town would know what happened in Towson. And as much as I’d be mortified, he’d be put in the position of having to defend our relationship. I’ve been that girlfriend before, and it wasn’t fun.”

“God, I hate that one kid could change your life like that. I can’t imagine not doing music therapy. I’d miss it every minute of the day.” She reached across the table and touched Leesa’s hand. “I’m sure you have friends there who love and support you, but know you have them here, too. My whole family is here for you.”

“I do miss it, and your family has been so kind. Thank you.”

Tempe opened the notebook and spun it around for Leesa to see what she’d written. “We’re probably not going to figure this all out over coffee, but I hope it helps to talk about it. I think time and something else to focus on will help.” She lifted her eyes and smiled. “Something besides my brother.”

“Are you trying to make me blush? Because you’re doing a good job of it.” Leesa glanced down at the notebook just as the front doors of the café opened and Mackenna walked in. Leesa used her hand to shield her face from her.

“You can’t hide from her. That only gives her more power.” Tempe pushed Leesa’s hand down. “Besides, you’re who Cole’s with. Own it, woman. No one else in this town has been able to for years.”

Leesa whispered, “She kissed him at Tap It the other night. She knew I was there with him, too. I don’t want to get into anything with her. It’s not my battle.”

“There’s no battle to be had.” Tempe pointed to the notebook. “Let’s focus on this. You might be surprised at how inspiration can quiet rocky thoughts.”

They concentrated on Tempe’s notes, and before Leesa knew it, two hours had passed. Mackenna had left without Leesa even noticing, and they had a complete to-do list to get a future Girl Power group up and running. She wondered if she could get so entrenched in the Girl Power program that her past would simply go away, too.

“Thank you, Tempe. You really took my mind off of things, and this is a great plan if I do decide to move here permanently.” She handed the notebook back to Tempe.

“Keep it.” Tempe pushed the notebook across the table. “This way we can keep all the notes in one place. You might think of more ideas, and I have a ton of notebooks.” They threw away their coffee cups and headed outside. “I’m really glad we got to know each other better, Leesa. If you ever need a friend to talk to or anything, I’m here.”

“Thank you. I didn’t mean to be such a downer at first.”

“You weren’t. It’s nice to talk about real things sometimes. I work with a lot of kids, so it’s rare that I get to actually have coffee and chat with people outside of my family.” She leaned in close and said, “We homebodies have to stick together.”

They hugged goodbye, and Leesa watched her drive away. Could she move away from the place she’d lived all her life and start over? Could she leave the house she’d grown up in, the house that held so many memories of her father, or would that feel like too big of a betrayal? What would he want her to do?

As she climbed into her car and checked her cell for messages, she pondered that thought. She’d missed a text from Cole. Sorry I’m going to be a little late. Two more patients to see. Pick you up at eight?

She worried that he’d be too tired to go on the boat trip after a long day of patients and quickly typed a response.

Aren’t you tired? Want to go another time and hang out at your place tonight? I don’t mind.

His response was immediate. Never too tired to spend time with you.

How many nights had Chris put off seeing her because he’d been too tired? Even at the beginning of their relationship, they’d seen each other only twice a week or so. She’d always understood, but of course part of her had wondered why he didn’t think it would be nicer to spend the time relaxing together. Cole never made her feel like she was an imposition or an obligation. He was always truly happy to see her. She saw it in his eyes every time they were together, and now she wondered why she’d thought anything less had ever been okay.

She thought about Cole’s father and the things he’d said. And although Ace had been just as pleasant to her as always, she still worried that she’d overstepped her bounds when she’d asked about his leg. But she wondered, with all the doubt that she carried around these days, if that was just in her mind. She didn’t feel like her judgment was the sharpest lately. She thought about what Lena had told her, and her worries about Andy came rushing back. Was she overthinking or overstepping her bounds with Andy, too? She tried to convince herself that Andy wasn’t her student anymore and she had no reason to worry about him. That he was her past, not her present. But it wasn’t the teacher in her worrying about him. It was the human being in her. The empathy and internal conflict she couldn’t escape.

She read Cole’s text again—Never too tired for you.

She wanted this—to be with Cole, to be happy. She wanted to feel the emotions that sent her heart soaring and her mind reeling. The tingling from head to toe and warming in the best places in between that she had every time she thought of him. She wanted to let herself feel those things for Cole so badly she ached. I deserve to be happy. The situation with Andy has already stolen enough of my happiness.

For the hundredth time, she told herself to slow things down with Cole until she put her past to rest, not to let him risk his reputation on her.

And for the hundredth time, as she sent her response to Cole—Eight sounds perfect—she ignored the suggestion.





Chapter Fifteen


COLE REACHED FOR Leesa’s hand as they sailed away from the harbor, and the lights of the marina faded into the distance like diamonds in the night.

She smiled up at him from where she sat and asked, “How did things go with the gymnast’s parents?”

He loved that she didn’t feel jealous over his work or by the hours he sometimes had to put in. He’d always believed that one day he’d find a special woman who was his equal in every way. Someone who was equally dedicated to career, family, a significant other, and to themselves, the way he believed a person had to be in order to be truly happy. He’d grown his career, he was there for his family, and he was proud of the man he’d become. He knew that when he found that special woman, their happiness would blossom to another level. And each time he and Leesa were together, he felt their bond deepen and solidify.