Something Wild(16)

Hanging up, she drew a deep breath and glanced toward the doorway,  girding herself for whatever would come next. She couldn't quite believe  she was about to let this happen, and she didn't know where Penny the  Sweet One had disappeared to, but she wanted this. Even with Patti's  interruption, even with her fears that it had been Martin calling, her  body still hummed with the passion it seemed only Ryan loosed in her.  She bit her lip as she rounded the corner, suddenly feeling as wild and  sexy as he kept telling her she was.





* * *





5



The instant Penny met Ryan's eyes, she knew everything had changed. He  wore that torn expression she'd seen on his face before. He'd picked up  her blouse and now held it out to her. She took it, painfully aware of  the silence now filling the room; he'd turned the music off while she  was away.

He lifted one hand to her cheek and his voice came low and deliberate.  "I love the way you look right now, Penny. And I love how wild you are,  even if you don't see it. But I have to go."

"Oh." She only hoped the hurt bubbling inside her didn't show.

"I like you so much; you don't know how much. But this is-"

"Wrong?" she supplied.

"Right," he said, meeting her eyes briefly before lowering his gaze. "I  can't risk my job this way. I wish I could, but I can't."

"I understand," she replied, but her voice sounded hollow to her because  she still wanted him to stay, still wanted things to be the way they  were when they forgot about Martin and Schuster Systems. Suddenly  feeling naked in her lavender underwear, she thrust her arms into her  shirt, then held it closed in front.                       
       
           



       

Ryan moved to the desk to retrieve his laptop and jacket, then hurried  back toward the door. He paused to lower a conciliatory kiss to her  forehead as he passed by, but Penny hardly noticed, too stunned by how  quickly things had shifted. A second later, the door shut behind him and  she felt more alone than she had in a very long time.

She knew why he had to go; she knew it made sense. And earlier, she'd  been all about trying to do the sensible thing, for the sake of his job,  and for Martin's sake, too. But as she buttoned up her blouse, she  still ached inside. As it turned out, there was something worse than  making a move and getting shot down-having him make a move, then change  his mind.

He'd left her on the night after they'd had sex in the limousine, and  that had been fine. In fact, it had been the only reasonable thing about  the entire evening. He'd left her again last night after the passionate  kisses they'd shared and she'd still understood why it had to be, and  that had strengthened her.

But tonight, everything was different. Maybe because she felt as though  she really knew him. Maybe because of the reminder that he was aware of  her fantasies; no one else knew those secrets and it built a certain,  unplanned intimacy between them. Maybe because throughout the day, they  had talked, shared things, and she'd started feeling comfortable with  him, and she'd thought that mattered. Maybe the physical attraction she  felt toward him, even the irrational sense of infatuation, was beginning  to be more.

She sank into an easy chair and buried her head in her hands. An  emotional attachment to this guy-a guy who worked for Martin-was the  last thing she needed. Her insides twisted with knowing that when forced  to make a choice between her and the job, he chose the latter.

And yet, what did she expect? Who was she to him? Nobody but a girl who  had thrown herself into his lap in a dark car, ripped his clothes off  and attacked him. How had she gotten herself into this mess?

Penny took a deep breath and rose to her feet. She wasn't going to think  about this anymore; she couldn't right now. She had something more  important to do, something which suddenly couldn't wait a moment longer.

She didn't know Martin's conference schedule, but she knew she wanted to  get her loose ends with him tied up this very minute. At least then  she'd feel a little less guilty. Things were messy enough without his  proposal still hanging over her head.

He was staying at the Flamingo Hilton, so she called 411, got the  number, and dialed furiously. "Martin Schuster's room please," she said  to the nasal-sounding operator. As she waited, she walked with the  cordless to the foyer and clumsily maneuvered back into her shorts,  deciding the conversation would be easier without reminders that she'd  just had her clothes off for someone else.

Settling on the couch, she tensed when the ringing abruptly ended, then  took a deep, preparatory breath  …  only to hear a ridiculously  pleasant-sounding female voice say, "The party you are trying to reach  is unavailable. Please leave a message."

Martin, I'm sorry, but I just can't marry you. Penny opened her mouth to  speak, then let out a huge sigh and hung up, every ounce of boldness  evaporating. Telling him on the phone was one thing, but leaving it on  an answering machine just wasn't human, no matter how desperate she was  for closure.

"Oh, would you just call me, you idiot!"

Staring at the phone in her hand, Penny tried to get hold of herself.  Her entire body still tingled with crazed mixtures of excitement and  disappointment and anticipation and failure. She felt her eyes growing  wet, but refused to cry, and when a tear rolled down her cheek, she  obstinately wiped it away. Everything inside her felt crazy.

Eat, you need to eat. It was late and her blood sugar was probably low.

As she moved to the kitchen, still feeling defiant, Penny decided she'd  had enough pot roast for one week. Given the unusual circumstances of  the evening-and of her life lately-she was going to throw all dietary  caution to the wind and indulge herself.

Grabbing a tray from the pantry, she loaded it up with horrible,  wonderful things. A plate of brownies. A tub of French vanilla ice  cream. A dish of strawberries and an extra large bowl of whipped cream.

Now, she told herself as she carried the tray to the bathroom, calm  down. Be good to yourself. Try to enjoy this. Try to feel like you  again. Normal Penny, who owned a business and behaved professionally at  all times. Good Girl Penny, who didn't sleep with strangers. Pretty  Penny, the Sweet One, the apple of her grandpa's eye. Yes, it would be  good to get back on more familiar emotional ground.

The warm peach tones of the old-fashioned bathroom soothed her instantly  as she balanced her tray on the rounded edge of the big claw-footed  tub. That's why she'd chosen the color, to remind her of sunsets and  seashells and the way the sun's warmth could lull you into total  relaxation. Going to the old pedestal sink, Penny splashed cool water on  her face, glad she'd conquered her tears, then poured a long stream of  Sunny Peach bubble bath beneath warm running water. Finding a scrunchy,  she knotted her hair in it, then scurried to the foyer to turn the radio  back on. The same station from earlier still played slow soul. She  didn't bother changing it, though, concentrating on the song's tranquil  rhythm.                       
       
           



       

When the tub was almost full, she turned off the water, slipped out of  her clothes, then stepped into the luxurious bubbles. Sinking into the  suds, she leaned her head back and let the music sedate her. She  occasionally reached for a strawberry or brownie, dipping it in either  the softening ice cream or the smooth whipped cream before putting it in  her mouth.

As the sudsy water caressed her skin, however, the rich foods somehow  heightened her sensual awareness. The sensations hardly brought back  Normal Penny, but instead seemed to invite the newer, more daring  version of herself she'd so recently uncovered.

After eating her fill of the sweets, she stretched out in the tub,  sinking deeper into the moist bubbles, and let her mind begin to wander.  She thought about Ryan and the foyer, although she refused to dwell on  the hurt that still lingered, so instead she found herself imagining the  things that might have happened if the phone hadn't rung. She even  imagined placing a sexy call to Ryan, using her feminine wiles to  somehow lure him back.

Then other outrageous pictures entered her head, more fantasies, some  she was familiar with already, others that were brand-new. Just  envisioning them somehow made her feel unfettered, free. Admittedly,  none of this was doing much to lower her level of frustration, yet she  couldn't stop her mind from exploring all the stirring new possibilities  that floated through her thoughts.

And then she gasped, bolting upright in the tub and sloshing water over the edge.

Was it possible? Could it be true?

All these fantasies, running rampant in her head …  The sexy undies she  always wore, even though no one usually saw them …  And she'd seduced a  man in a limousine. She'd done that, really made it happen.