Something Wild(19)

"What's that?"

"You were right. I want to be wild! I want to have fun! I want to do  things I've never done before! And the last thing I need in my life is a  man who can't deal with that. That means Martin and you."                       
       
           



       

Ryan's knees nearly gave out. She wanted to be wild now? And she wanted  to get wild with someone other than him? Alarm raced through his body at  lightning speed and his stomach twisted in pain as images of her with  another man pummeled him. "Who, then? I mean  …  you're not just gonna go  out and-"

"No, of course not!" she snapped, and relief chased the worry from his  mind, but he still felt unsteady. "And it's not like I have some  particular guy in mind, and it's not even like I'm on the hunt, for  heaven's sake, but when I meet the right one, I'll know it. And he won't  tell me how bad I am for him."

Ryan let out a huge sigh. He felt awful. And sick. He'd thought he had  this all figured out, thought he was going to come here, state his case,  be completely sturdy and stalwart-even when desire struck-then leave  feeling like a new man.

Instead, he felt as if he'd been run over by a truck. The last thing  he'd expected was to find out she didn't want him anymore. And that she  was in the market for somebody else, somebody new, even if she'd claimed  afterward that she wasn't.

Aborting his original plan, he ran a hand back through his damp hair,  trying to summon the right words, trying to make up for everything he'd  done wrong here. "I'm sorry I said that, about you being bad for me. I  shouldn't blame you for my issues." He shifted his weight from one foot  to the other, realizing that after all they'd been through in the few  days they'd known each other, the least he owed her was some honesty.  "But the thing is-" he met her gaze and lowered his voice "-I've never  said no to myself on much of anything before. So I have to this time or  else what kind of man am I? I can't keep screwing up my life for the  sake of just doing what I want, doing what feels good at any particular  moment." Oh hell, he wasn't saying this right. He needed to get to the  heart of the matter, which was her. "But if I could, Penny … "

Her eyes changed then, looking as though they belonged to someone much  more gentle than the girl who'd just announced her sexual independence.  "Yes?"

"Well, let's just say I'd give anything to help you explore this side of yourself, because it's a damn appealing side."

She swallowed visibly, appeared nervous. Dropped her gaze, but raised it once more. "Really?"

He lowered his eyes, too, seeing for the first time that her feet were  bare again, peeking from the bottom of her blue jeans. He nodded, and  his groin began to tighten. Just over her feet? he wondered,  incredulous. No, over all of her, every beautiful ounce of her. From her  sweet, trusting eyes to the way her T-shirt hugged her breasts to the  pale pink polish on her toenails. Part of him wished he hadn't said so  much, been so honest, but he'd had to. He couldn't be so cold without at  least letting her know why.

And it was in that moment of silence that Ryan finally understood the whole problem here.

When she'd seduced him in the limousine, he'd had no choice but to see  her as some strong, bold, take-charge woman who wanted nothing more from  him than a good time. Yet every minute they'd spent together since then  had altered his thinking. She was that strong, bold woman; he knew it,  he'd lived it. But she was also soft and vulnerable, the sort of woman  who needed more than just the physical act of sex. And that part of her  got to him. Down deep.

Maybe he'd almost begun to believe her when she insisted she wasn't  wild, when she said the limo incident had been an aberration. But now  she was changing her story again, telling him just the opposite, and he  suddenly understood-she couldn't be labeled. It wasn't that simple, and  it complicated everything within him even further.

And yet, still more important was the fact that what he'd just said was  so true: No matter who she was-June Cleaver or the sexy siren from the  limo-he couldn't have her. Just couldn't.

"Have you talked to Martin yet?" he asked, just to say something.

"No. I called his hotel, but he hasn't called me back." She shifted her  weight, the move jostling her breasts ever so slightly, and before he  could stop himself, he wondered what kind of bra she wore under that  T-shirt today.

"I'm sure he'll call soon."

"I hope so. I really want this settled. And this thing with you settled,  too." Her resentful gaze shot through him. You're not the guy for me,  she was saying again. You're not the guy who'll give me what I need.

Ah, damn, he wanted to give it to her. And it seemed pure insanity that  he'd turn down the offer of this beautiful woman to help her explore her  sexuality, but she was right; the sooner the whole fiasco was settled,  the better off they'd both be.

"I'm, uh, not gonna stay and work with you today," he said. "Sorry I  didn't let you know sooner, but I didn't get much done this morning, so I  don't have anything new to show you. I just came by to look at your  floppy drive like I promised."                       
       
           



       

He walked past her, not bothering to shed his raincoat since this would  only take a minute. She followed, but he didn't look at her, just  dropped to his knees upon reaching the desk, then took out the miniature  tool kit he'd brought in his briefcase.

Removing the computer's cover, he wrangled and toyed with the wedged  diskette until it popped free. But one look into the empty drive told  him it was shot. "It's broken," he announced.

"I knew that."

"I mean, I got the diskette out, but if you put another one in, it'll  stick again." Grabbing a notepad to write down the specifics about her  computer, he added, "I'll order a new floppy drive for you tomorrow, and  see if I can locate a new modem, too."

She seemed taken aback by the offer. "Youdon't have to do that."

He still didn't look at her as he snapped the cover back into place and  got to his feet. "I don't mind. Besides, I'm guessing most of your  computer help has come from Martin lately, and you never know, after he  hears that you're not gonna marry him, it might never get fixed."

She sighed. "You make a good point. Thanks  …  for the help."

He shook his head, at a loss for what else to say. But in his gut, he  felt how easy it would still be to kiss her, and he smelled her damn  shampoo again, even from a few feet away.

"I'd better go."

"Yes," she murmured. "Yes, you should."

Ryan returned his tools to his briefcase and snapped it shut, then  picked up his umbrella. After pausing only long enough for one brief  look into her pretty eyes, he headed for the door, but as he lowered his  hand to the knob, he stopped and peered over his shoulder. "Penny,  before I leave, I just have to know something."

"What's that?"

"The scent of your shampoo. What is it?"

"Uh  …  mango," she said, clearly bewildered. "Why?"

"No reason." He shook his head. "I just like it." Then he walked out into the rain.

Reaching the brick path below her porch, he put up his umbrella and  trudged through the heavy drizzle toward the sidewalk that lined the  quaint residential street. Mango. Sounded exotic. Erotic. Kind of  …   wild. Just like the girl he was leaving behind.

He was really doing that, leaving her behind-Penny the Sandwich Girl,  Penny the limousine seductress, Penny of the lavender bra. Pretty Penny.

Just put one foot in front of the other. You can do it.

But at the very thought of feet, hers came to mind. Why did he have to  find them so sexy? Of course, he'd gotten a little peek at her belly  button beneath her knotted shirt, too. Equally sexy, and not as weird  for him to be aroused by. It seemed impossible that he'd seen so much  more of her just last night and managed to walk out the door, yet today  these little flashes of skin were making him nuts.

Just keep moving, he told himself. You made it out last night, and you've made it out today, too. Piece of cake. Nothin' to it.

Though a disturbing image assaulted him as he trod up the sidewalk. It  was Penny, back in the limo, but this time the lights were on. She was  shedding her clothes, piece by delectable piece, before lowering herself  into another man's lap, straddling him as she'd straddled Ryan. She  gazed into the new guy's eyes, ran her hands through his hair, and  whispered in his ear. I want to be wild.

Ryan swallowed, all too aware of the raging jealousy pulsing through his  body. Not to mention the nagging bulge that had grown beneath his  pants. This woman was killing him. It wasn't even her fault, but she was  driving him mad. "Damn it," he muttered, stopping. He turned and looked  back down the street, realizing he'd passed his car, probably right  around the time Penny had wiggled from her panties in his mind. "Damn  it, damn it, damn it."