Something Wild(14)

So it would seem Ryan really had relaxed now. He could smile at her  without panicking. Which meant she was the only one here still feeling  …   things. Tingly, ripply, urgelike things.

But that's good, she told herself. Heartbreaking in a way, since it was  always nice to think a guy wanted you, but hadn't she decided for his  sake, and for Martin's sake, that Ryan was right and nothing more could  happen between them? She made herself smile back, glad-in theory  anyway-that things felt more normal again as it did when they were both  buried in work.

Yet did she just sense some slight, barely perceptible change in the  air? No, probably not. It was likely just wishful thinking on her body's  part. The little thrill that had zipped down through her when they'd  shifted their gazes from the computer to one another just now probably  meant nothing. The fact that Ryan's eyes, now squarely planted on hers,  seemed to be filling with something like heat was probably entirely in  her imagination.

"Can I offer you dinner?" She regretted the invitation even as it left  her, but it'd just popped out. She rushed ahead, anxious to fill the  suddenly awkward moment with more words. "Usually, I would've eaten  hours ago. If you don't mind more pot roast, I could make some  sandwiches with it. Or if you're ready to take off, that's fine, too.  Whatever you want."

She actually thought he looked tempted, until he said, "Thanks, but I should definitely get going."

Penny simply nodded. Definitely, he'd said. The conviction in his voice  brought her down to earth, and considering what had happened last night  after eating together, she couldn't argue with his unspoken logic.

He drew his eyes away as he shut down his laptop. "Can I ask you something before I go, though?"

"Okay."

"I was wondering  …  how you're doing over the Martin thing. Your decision not to marry him, I mean."

"Oh." The question startled her, though she hardly knew why since  Martin's proposal had been the entire basis of their bizarre  relationship so far. "I'm doing fine."

So fine, in fact, that I keep wanting you. She didn't know if it was the  dusky lighting and the falling of night, or if it was simply the  culmination of urges she'd been battling all day, but as her desires  escalated, this seemed like a good time to put some distance between  them. She left the desk and moved casually to her overstuffed couch.  That way she couldn't do something crazy like touch him if the  unstoppable urge arose. Especially now that he seemed so in control, so  totally uninterested in her physically. Nothing would be worse than  making a move and getting rejected.

"When are you going to tell him?" Ryan asked, slipping the laptop in its case.

"Whenever he calls from Vegas." And, actually, she was surprised she  hadn't heard from Martin yet-it was Tuesday and he'd left on Friday.  She'd expected a call over the weekend, but at least the delay had given  her time to work on what she was going to say.

"You're going to tell him over the phone?" Ryan asked, turning his chair  to face her. It didn't sound like an accusation, just an honest  question.

Penny took a deep breath before replying. "This way, he won't have to  break down in front of me, you know? And I'd rather get it over with,  not put it off."

Ryan's gaze focused directly on her now, unnervingly so. "I'm sorry, Penny, if I ruined something good between the two of you."

Her stomach dropped. It had never even occurred to her that Ryan didn't  know the very brief history she shared with Martin, or how unexpected  his proposal had been. "You didn't." She shook her head emphatically.  "We'd only been dating a few months."

He shrugged. "It doesn't always take months to have a serious  relationship. It happens all the time. People meet and fall in love like  that." He snapped his fingers.

And she wondered, for the first time, about Ryan's love life. "Has that ever happened to you?"

"Me? No." He shook his head almost as if the idea were preposterous,  even though he'd brought it up himself. "I know people who it's happened  to, but I'm not sure I could ever fall in love that quickly myself."

"Why?" His comment perplexed her, and somewhere deep inside, she was a  little hurt. Maybe she'd hoped this sensual energy between them was  about more than sex, that he was harboring some secret, budding  affection for her that he just hadn't had the courage to mention.                       
       
           



       

He raised his gaze, as if confiding in her. "I guess maybe I'm just cautious."

Did that mean he'd been hurt before? "Bad relationships in the past?" she ventured.

Ryan shook his head. "Nothing like that." He smiled slightly, his  expression turning mischievous. "Maybe cautious is the wrong word. Maybe  it's more like  …  reluctant. There's nothing too heavy in my past, and I  guess I like it that way. I like keeping things light and being on my  own at the end of the day, if you know what I mean."

Yes, she knew exactly what he meant. He wasn't looking for a  relationship. He'd told her he'd come here to be a good boy, that he  didn't want anything wild in his life, so apparently women were on the  back burner for him completely right now. Or he wanted them to be,  anyway. Because, there was, of course, her, and what had happened, and  what, she supposed uncertainly, could still happen …

Oh, darn it, that proved it; she really did still want him. Desire  hummed through her veins even as she sat talking with him. "Well,  despite what you may think, things were very casual between me and  Martin. And the truth is, I didn't know him all that well, romantically  speaking."

Ryan tilted his head. "But in the limo … "

"Yes?"

"Well, you didn't seem shy."

Penny tried to swallow her embarrassment, but failed. And considering  how many personal details Ryan knew about her already, she saw no reason  not to explain this, as well. "As I said that night, I wanted to find  out if Martin had a wild side, too."

When she least expected it, a slow, almost wicked smile unfurled across Ryan's face.

"What?" she asked in response.

"So you admit it. You are wild."

Penny released a long, exasperated sigh. "I admitted I have a wild side. That's different than being wild."

"You said you were living out a fantasy," Ryan reminded her.

"So? Everyone has fantasies."

"But-" he raised one finger in the air "-not everyone lives them out."

Penny drew in her breath, wishing she could break her gaze with his,  wishing she wanted to. But his unexpected words were settling deep  inside her, easing their way into cracks and crevices she'd never peered  into before.

Oh God, it was true. She'd read enough articles in Cosmo and Glamour to  know most people-women anyway-never did attempt to live out their  fantasies. Most women probably kept them inside and saw them as  impossibilities, even as things they didn't truly want to happen. But  the moment Penny had started exploring hers, she'd known she really  wanted them to take place. They were experiences she truly desired,  adventures she intended to have. And her own thoughts a moment ago only  seemed to confirm it; she'd been sitting there wanting Ryan even though  she knew that he couldn't let it happen, and she couldn't let it happen,  and that it was all wrong.

Suddenly feeling as transparent as a negligee, she thrust herself up  from the couch and walked across the room toward the foyer, anxious to  escape his gaze. She had no reply to what he'd just said, but it was as  if he'd just shone a flashlight into the darkest corner of her soul.  Coming to a stop before the mirror near the door, she fumbled for  something to do with her hands, some way to distract herself from the  nervous tension swirling through her. She adjusted the leaves of a  philodendron spilling from a pot on a shelf next to the mirror, then  reached below, turning on the stereo.

The low sounds of Marvin Gaye singing "Let's Get It On" wafted through the room.

She bit her lip. This probably wasn't a good moment for the sexiest song  of all time, yet for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to change  it.

That meant nothing, though. It didn't mean she was wild, nor did it mean  she was waiting for something to happen here. She just didn't want to  look panicky, that was all. She didn't want to do anything to let him  know how tense and how  …  utterly sexual she suddenly felt.

And if she really were wild, wouldn't she start swaying her hips back  and forth to the music, or stripping to it? As it was, she clamped both  hands to the shelf supporting the stereo and held on for dear life, lest  she faint from nervousness. Hardly the act of a wanton woman.

"I know about the limo now-" Ryan's voice came from behind her, low and  sexy and close "-but what other kinds of fantasies do you have, Penny?"