Some Sort of Crazy(25)

“No,” I said through clenched teeth, although hearing him say that made something start ticking in my brain. “Because I like being part of a couple! It’s never occurred to me that I would need time and space away from that. From the person I’ve spent ten years of my life being devoted to. The person I thought loved me the same way.” But even as I said it, I felt kind of horrible because a truly devoted girlfriend would probably not spend as much time today as I did thinking about Miles Haas naked. Was Dan right? Did we need to step back instead of forward, make sure what we were planning was right? But it had to be right! We’d put ten years of time and effort into this!

“I do love you. It’s not about that.” Frustrated, Dan let go of me and fidgeted with his keys. “But I need to do this, Natalie. Or I’ll always feel trapped.”

I stuck my hands on my hips. “Fine. You go do what you need to do.” I lifted my chin as my eyes finally filled, because I saw this for what it was, even if Dan didn’t. “But I won’t be waiting around for you once you’re done with your alone time or your other people or whatever.”

He pressed his lips together. “Don’t say that. This isn’t the end, Nat.”

“Goodnight, Dan.” Without another word, I marched to the door and let myself in. Slamming it behind me, I locked it and went straight for the booze.

Unbelievable! I thought, as I pulled the top off the vodka. A few tears fell as I poured myself a generous shot, slammed it, and then another. Sniffing, I swiped at my eyes with the back of one hand, my mind a swirling mass of confusion, anger, hurt, dread.

How dare he think he can treat me this way! How dare he fuck someone else and let me sleep in his bed? And how long has he known he was going to do this! He should have been honest from the start. I feel like a complete fool!

I slammed a third shot, and somewhere from underneath all the turmoil in my head sprang a little well of relief. Finally, the truth was out there. Things weren’t perfect between Dan and me, and I didn’t have to go on pretending they were. I didn’t have to wonder why the sex wasn’t passionate. I didn’t have to worry that something was wrong with me. Because there wasn’t! I was hot, dammit! Maybe I wasn’t as gorgeous as Skylar or as thin as Jillian, but I had some nice assets of my own. Miles said my buns were amazing.

Miles.

My blood warmed at the thought of him. Or maybe it was the vodka.

But Miles wanted me, right? Miles would never turn me down.

I took another swig of vodka, right from the bottle. Little seeds of want planted themselves inside me.

I want to kiss Miles.

I want his hands on me.

I want to touch him everywhere.

I watered the seeds with more vodka, and they multiplied.

I want to hear him say he wants me.

I want to see him lose control over me.

I want to feel him inside me.

I tipped back the bottle again and admitted to myself what I’d been denying for two days.

I want to fuck Miles.

And now I can.

After one final shot for courage, I grabbed my phone, ordered myself an Uber, and punched in Miles’s address. In the five minutes I had before the car arrived, I used the bathroom, changed from my usual plain underwear into something with lace, and brushed my teeth. What I didn’t do was think too hard about the actual act of seduction.

Whatever. I’d wing it.

My stomach was jumping with nerves, so I took one more swallow of vodka, grimacing as it burned its way down my esophagus. When I saw headlights in the driveway, I bolted out the door, pulling it shut behind me. The booze hit me as I hurried toward the car, but I managed to stay on two feet and get myself into the back seat.

On the ride to Miles’s, I texted him.

Hey are you home?

The reply came immediately. Yes. Writing tonight. What’s up?

Yay! I’m coming over!!!

Should I put on the gimp suit?

I snorted. That’s funny you’re funny I like you.

WTF are you drunk?

Cackling with glee, I tossed my phone back in my purse. Miles was hilarious. And cute and smart and sweet and he did have a thing for me, didn’t he? He wanted me, right? And when he saw me in my underwear, he wouldn’t be able to resist me. Not like Dan. “Asshole,” I muttered, right before another hiccup.

“I’m sorry?” said my driver.

“Nothing.” Dang it, weren’t we there yet? I was coming out of my skin with excitement, bouncing around in the backseat like a puppy. This was the best plan ever!

Finally, the big old house came into view, and my heart beat quicker when I saw the light on in Miles’s bedroom window and the living room. “Thanks,” I yelled, jumping out of the car before it even came to a complete stop. I ran up the front steps and banged on the big wooden door. Miles pulled it open, and before he could say anything, I lunged for him, smashing my mouth against his and throwing my arms around his neck.