Some Sort of Crazy(24)
Skylar’s eyes narrowed. “Something is off.”
“I thought the exact same thing.”
“It could be nothing, Nat. Maybe it was just late and he was tired. But something is up. With you, too, and you guys need to talk about it.”
“Me?” I put a hand on my chest. “Why do you say that?”
“Because I know you, and you are not acting like yourself. Maybe it’s this thing with Dan, maybe it’s Miles Haas, mayb—“
“It’s not Miles Haas.” Irritated, I stood up. “It’s just a little rocky patch, nothing Dan and I can’t work through. We’ve done it before. I’m not giving up.”
Skylar stood up too, her expression dubious. “If you say so. But Nat, I hope you’re not sticking with him or with a dead relationship just because you’ve put so much time in. It’s not giving up if you’re unhappy.”
“I know that. I’ll figure it out.” We went back to the table, and Dan held out my chair. When he took his seat again, he smiled at me, and I reached for his hand, making a promise to myself. I’ll make a bigger effort to rekindle things with us. I will put Miles Haas out of my head and focus on the solid commitment Dan and I have and the plans we’ve made.
If only I felt more excited about it.
We said goodbye to Skylar and Sebastian, and drove back to the house. “Come on in,” I said as he pulled into the drive. “I have a bottle of wine we can open.”
“Actually, I’m really tired, Nat.” He yawned with perfect timing. “I think I’m just gonna head home.”
I stared at him, open-mouthed, and finally cracked. “What’s going on, Dan? Why are you so tired all the time, and why do I feel like you’re avoiding me?”
“I’m not,” he said feebly.
“Well, that’s what it feels like. We haven’t had sex in months! Why don’t you want to? Is it me? Is there someone else? Just be honest, please.” I was surprised the tears that threatened to spill over in the bathroom earlier didn’t make an appearance. I actually felt more angry than anything else. “I’d rather know the truth.”
“It’s not you, it’s just—” Dan ran a hand over his chin. “It’s me. And it’s you. It’s us.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Dan sighed. “I hate it when you swear.”
“Too fucking bad. Now what it is?”
He turned to face me. “OK, I feel like we’ve been together for so long, and now we’re talking marriage, and…” He struggled with what to say next.
“And what? You don’t want to get married? You fucked someone else last night? You don’t love me anymore? Just say it, Dan!”
“No, of course I love you.” He took my left hand and looked down at it. “I love you, Nat, I do. You’re the perfect woman. And I want us to get engaged—eventually.”
“Eventually?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Yeah, but not right away. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. We’re only twenty-six and twenty-seven, you know? And we’ve only ever been with each other.” He flicked a nervous glance at me. “So before we commit to marriage, maybe we should…take a break from each other.”
“A break?” I gaped at him and yanked my hand away. “What the hell does that mean?”
“Just step back a little. Spend some time apart, be free to see other people.”
“So you did fuck someone else last night.” I shook my head, tears of humiliation burning my eyes. “Oh, God. And then I tried to—”
“Natalie—”
“Please just admit it.” I looked him in the eye. “Be a fucking man, and admit it.”
He swallowed. “Fine.”
I felt an inexplicable rush of relief, followed by anger when he spoke again.
“That’s why I think the break will be good for us. I think we need this time to really be sure we’re right for one another.”
“I think you’re fucking insane. This is not how it works. Either we’re together or we’re not. And right now, I think not.” Opening the door, I elbowed my way out of the car and slammed it shut. Dan jumped out as I was stomping my way to the front door.
“Natalie, wait!” He ran up and grabbed my arm, forcing me to face him. “I don’t want this to be the end of us. I just want some time to breathe. We’ve been together for so long. Don’t you ever feel like you want some space for yourself? See who you are when you’re not just half of Dan and Natalie?”