Shelter Me(5)
Adam hangs up the phone and sighs. He looks so tired and a twinge of guilt pangs my stomach. I know I need to make this last day of preparations as easy on him as possible. Aunt Judy was his mom and he loved her just as much as I did. This loss has been hard on both of us, but I’ve been so ensconced in my own thoughts and heartache that I haven’t paid much attention to how hard he’s taking her death.
“Hey,” I say as I walk over to him and put my arms around his neck, giving him a hug. “I know this is so cliché, but how are you holding up?”
Adam lifts his head from our embrace and looks into my eyes.
“It’s so hard, Shayne. I know mom is at peace and she lived her life to the fullest, but it feels like a part of my soul is gone. The hardest part is knowing I will never get to make any more memories with her.”
As we continue to hold each other, I rub my hand down his back in a comforting gesture as my strong cousin buries his head into my neck and cries. Adam was the man of our house, always looking after the both of us. I wish so badly I could take this pain from him. With bloodshot eyes he lifts his head and looks at me.
“In spite of all the things we used to do to her when we were growing up, that woman raised a strong man who I’m so lucky to have in my life. Together, we’ll get through this. I love you so much and I want you to know I’ll always be here for you, just like you’ve always been for me,” I say, meaning every word.
“She did do well with us, didn’t she?”
I look at him with just a hint of a smile. “She did.”
We both pull away, knowing the moment’s passed for now. Adam wanders into the kitchen and grabs his keys off the counter. Heading to the door to get a start on his errands, he reaches for the knob and glances back at me.
“What are your plans for the day?”
“I’m going to run down to the florist and take care of the flower arrangements,” I shrug. “That seems to be all we have left that can be done today. The rest of the arrangements just have to fall into place tomorrow.”
He nods and turns the doorknob, but I stop him before he can walk out.
“Hey, Adam?”
“Yeah?” he replies, turning back to me once more.
“I'll rent a couple of movies before I come home. Cool with you?”
“That sounds perfect,” he says with a smile and finally heads out the door. Just as it clicks back into place I feel a tear slip down my cheek, my own thoughts becoming overwhelming. My chest starts to constrict tightly and it hits me all at once. My legs give out and I fall to the floor as a burst of fresh tears clings tightly, rolling down my cheeks.
Aunt Judy was always there for me, even in the hardest times. She was always my shoulder to cry on; willing to pick me up when I felt like everything was crashing down around me. She had the best humor of anyone I’ve ever known. I’ll never forget how she used to tell Adam and me, ‘A smile is the solution to every problem. Even if you don’t feel the happiness behind it, a smile will tell life to fuck off because you’ve got this.’ It’s true when they say that certain types of love are unconditional. That was the way that she loved us.
Pulling myself off of the floor, I drag myself to the bathroom, where I splash some cold water onto my face. I grab a towel, pat it dry, and inspect myself one more time in the mirror. Deciding that this is about as good as I’m going to look, I walk into the kitchen and grab my purse and keys. Outside, the bright sun shines down and warms my already tanned skin. It’s an absolutely breathtaking day, not a cloud in the sky. I stroll over to my aunt's car feeling a bit dazed.
My God, I’m going to miss her so much.
I pull my sunglasses out of my purse and look up into the sky, knowing this magnificent day is all her.
“Aunt Judy, I hope you know how much I truly love you,” I murmur, putting on my best smile, knowing I’ve made her proud.
Cranking up the car, ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence starts blasting through the speakers and I laugh at the irony. I roll down the windows and sing the words loudly, not caring who can hear me. With each lyric I feel myself become lighter; the ache in my chest lessening slightly, like the song is taking my emotions and feeling them for me. The best kind of therapy.
I continue to weave through traffic and pull into the florist shop just as an upbeat tune flows through the speakers. Feeling a little better after my emotional breakdown, I saunter into the shop and am instantly greeted by Dee Williams, the florist.
“Hello, Shayne. You look absolutely stunning. Come on in and let me show you what I thought you might like. I know how much your aunt loved pink and white carnations.”