Serenity (Inevitable #5)(110)

Matthew reached out a hand to cup her cheek, only to recoil in surprise when she turned away from him. "Sasha, I had no idea you felt that way," he replied, visibly shaken by her revelation. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought I'd made it very clear that I felt absolutely nothing for Lindsey any longer, and that our marriage was merely a technicality, something that her signature on a piece of paper would end in a second. And nothing has changed in that respect, not one damned thing. Living in the same house - on an entirely different floor, for that matter - and only on a temporary basis, hasn't changed my feelings about getting Lindsey out of my life for good."

Sasha shrugged. "You say that now, Matthew. But who knows what could happen after you've been living there a few weeks or months? I'm sure Casey will be thrilled to have you back home, and who could blame him considering how close the two of you are. And if Hayley is serious about keeping her baby, it's only natural that she'll need your help and support, especially if the father isn't in the picture. It will become more and more difficult for you to leave her after the baby is born, and when she expects you to become a surrogate father to her child. So you can fool yourself into thinking that this is only temporary, Matthew, but I'm not seeing it that way."

He paled noticeably at her declaration. "Sasha, no. That's not the way it's going to play out. I promise you. I'm only going to stay there for a few weeks at most, until Hayley makes some decisions about the future, and I can make sure that everything's okay between her and Lindsey. Then I'm planning on moving back here, and putting extra pressure on Lindsey to sign those divorce papers. Please, don't give up on me. And don't shut me out. I'm not sure I'll be able to cope without your support."

"No." She stood then, holding onto the back of the sofa for support, since her legs felt wobbly. "I won't ask you to choose between us, Matthew. That wouldn't be fair of me, and I don't want to make things harder on you. But none of this has been fair to me, either."

He surged to his feet, taking hold of her shoulders before she could move away. "I know it hasn't, sweetheart," he replied in a husky voice. "You've been the kindest, most understanding, and supportive girlfriend a man could ever ask for. You've put up with all kinds of crap from me - not just with my kids, but with work as well. And you've never once complained, even though you've had every right to, and I've been sort of amazed that you've never said anything until now. But please - don't give up on me now, Sasha. Don't give up on us."

Sasha shook her head. "I can't do this, Matthew. I can't share that much of you. And even though you wouldn't actually be with Lindsey, it would kill me to think of you living in the same house with her, no matter what the circumstances are. So, this - this is over between us. I understand your concern for Hayley, though I don't necessarily agree with the way you're handling the situation. And I won't give you an ultimatum, or force you to choose. Especially since you've obviously already made your choice. Now, I think I should get the things I've left here and then leave, so you can go back to your family."



       
         
       
        

She wiggled out of his grasp before he could stop her, then quickly but methodically began to gather up the various personal belongings she'd brought to the condo these past few months - clothing and toiletries, books and CD's, the cashmere throw she liked to wrap around herself while they watched movies.

Matthew watched solemnly as she piled all of her things neatly in one corner of the sectional, his eyes sad and shimmering with tears. When she'd placed the last of her things on top of the pile, it occurred to her belatedly that she had nothing to pack them in.

"I don't have any bags here at the moment," she murmured distractedly. "Could you possibly ask Xavier or one of the others to box these things up and have them delivered to my place?"

He nodded sadly. "I'll take care of it, if that's what you really want. Though I was sort of hoping that you would just stay here while I'm gone. Alone, if that's the way you want it. This could be your place, Sasha. Or I'm happy to find you an apartment or condo of your own, arrange to have it all furnished and get you moved in. It's the least I can do for you, some small way I can take care of you."

"I've been taking care of myself for a long time, Matthew," she reminded. "And while I appreciate the offer, I'd rather remain where I'm at. I'd better go now."

"Wait. Please," begged Matthew. "I don't want to part this way, to make this good-bye. And while I have no right to ask you to wait for me, to be patient while this whole fucked-up mess plays itself out, I'm - Christ, I don't know what I'm asking. I just know that the thought of losing you, of not being able to talk to you or hold you again, is killing me. You're the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me, Sasha, the very best part of me. And having to let you go right now is like cutting out half of my heart."