Serenity (Inevitable #5)(109)

Sasha's whole body froze at this revelation, and all at once the terrible memories that she'd worked so hard at suppressing for the past dozen years came rushing back at her, as though it had all happened yesterday. Matthew seemed unaware of her plight, oblivious to the fact that she'd begun to quiver in reaction, or that the hand he continued to clasp so tightly had quickly turned ice cold.

"She was too ashamed about what happened to tell Lindsey or me until yesterday," continued Matthew. "And she would have probably continued to keep the information to herself if Lindsey hadn't found a pregnancy test in her wastebasket."

Matthew told her additional details, about how upset Hayley was, and how Lindsey had been pushing her to have an abortion, or threatening to ship her off to some home for unwed mothers, but his words failed to register in Sasha's numbed brain. The whole situation seemed eerily unreal to her, and she struggled to ward off the panic threatening to consume her as she realized that the monsters she'd kept hidden away for so long had broken free from their imaginary prison cells.

"Hayley's convinced herself that she wants to keep the baby," Matthew was telling her. "Christ, she's barely capable of making herself a piece of toast. How the hell she thinks she can take care of a baby is beyond me. She's got it all figured out, though, it seems - insisting that we can just hire a nanny to watch the baby while she's at school since we can easily afford it. And I understand her reluctance to have an abortion, especially considering all the trauma she's already gone through, but I'm going to try to keep convincing her that adoption is a much more sensible solution."



       
         
       
        

She gave a brief nod, acknowledging what he had just told her, but didn't feel capable of speaking at the moment.

Matthew, too, seemed at a loss for words for long seconds, and she could tell that he was struggling mightily with whatever he was about to tell her.

"You're going to think I'm out of my mind - and believe me, I'm pretty sure I am - when I tell you this next part," he began slowly. "And if it wasn't for Hayley's sake, for helping her get through all of this, then I wouldn't have considered it for even a second. But - Christ, here goes. She begged me to move back in, at least for a little while, until we can figure all of this out. Apparently Lindsey has been horrible to her these past months, but Hayley has kept all of that to herself, and it isn't fair to expect her to keep dealing with her mother's hostility alone any longer. So, as dumb as it sounds, I'm going to do it. Strictly to help support Hayley, and only until she's got her head on straight."

Sasha felt as though she'd been slapped across the face and kicked in the stomach at the same time, and that all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. She stared at Matthew in speechless shock, her hand going limp in his.

"You're moving back to Hillsborough?" she whispered hoarsely. "Does - does this mean the divorce has been called off?"

"God, no!" declared Matthew fervently. "There is nothing on this earth that could ever compel me to reconcile with Lindsey. And I've made damned sure she and Hayley are both very well aware of that fact. I'll be using one of the guest rooms, and having as little contact with my ex as possible. And considering how many hours I spend at the office, I won't even be at the house very often."

"I see." Sasha drew her hand away, wrapping her arms around her torso as the chill began to slowly permeate her entire body, and she had to force herself not to start shivering uncontrollably. "Wouldn't it have been easier to have Hayley just move in here with you? I mean, if the purpose of your moving back to Hillsborough is to offer her support and protect her from Lindsey, I would think you could do both of those things just as easily from here."

Matthew gave a brief nod. "I agree. And believe me, I tried more than once to convince Hayley to just move in here with me. But she still has a few weeks of school left, and doesn't want to be away from her friends. And neither of us want to leave Casey there alone with his mother."

Sasha began to inch a bit further away from Matthew every few seconds. "When is all of this happening?" she asked dully.

"Today. This afternoon." He shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, a surefire signal that he had a headache. "I was starting to pack some stuff when you arrived. Sasha, I need you to understand that this has nothing to do with us, that there's no reason you and I can't still keep - " 

She held up a hand. "Don't say anything more. Please. Because if you think for even one second that I'm going to agree to keep seeing you - to keep sleeping with you - while you're living in the same house with another woman, you've lost your mind. It was always bad enough that you were still legally married, Matthew. I never told you how much that bothered me, how I always felt uncomfortable about it. But at least you were legally separated, living apart, and had split up months before you walked inside my massage room that day. At least I could assure myself that I'd had nothing to do with breaking up your marriage, or that I was the reason you wanted a divorce so badly. But this - I'm sorry, but this is more than I can handle."