Second(29)

“How do you see it?” I ask, eyes closing sleepily.

“Like it’s the best thing to happen to me. Like I might actually have my chance at happiness.”

I fall asleep after that, but his words are the last thing on my mind.

His happiness.

That’s all I want for him.

The best thing to happen to him? He’d make me the luckiest woman on earth, not the other way around. Can I do this?

Is it time for me to stop thinking about how Ben would feel, and instead concentrate on how I could make Dean feel? I’m a loyal person, and this is killing me. I wish I could just move forward, focus on the future, but it’s not always that easy. I know that nothing worth anything comes easy. Is this one of those times? No one has to walk in my shoes except me. No one has to live this life but me. I should do what will make me happy. Maybe it’s me who needs to fight for my second happily ever after. And the scary thing?

Maybe the first one wasn’t meant to be.

I don’t have any bad dreams.

In fact, I’ve never felt so safe in my life.



*****

When my fingers touch bare skin, my eyes open. When did he take his shirt off? He must have gotten warm during the night. He’s sleeping on his side, facing away from me, so I scoot closer to him and rest my cheek on his bare back, my arms wrapping around him, being the big spoon. I press my lips to his skin and close my eyes, just enjoying the moment. I feel so peaceful when he’s around, like I’m meant to be here right now with him.

Like I’m meant to be wherever he is.

What a clusterfuck this is.

I’m just going to have to deal with whatever is thrown at me, because I want him, and he wants me. He, out of all people, deserves to have what he wants, and if it’s me… why should I question that? I will always love Ben, and I will never forget him. It’s been just over a year now and I haven’t even been with anyone else. I didn’t really want to, until now. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong time to move on after you lose someone. There isn’t a rule book which states a set amount of time, but I feel like right now the time is right. I kiss his back again, then let my fingers run down his rigid abdomen, feeling every muscle.

“Mmmmm,” he hums, then rolls over onto his back, turning his head to me. “Good morning, beautiful.”

My heart skips a beat at the endearment. My first time waking up with him, and all we did was cuddle. Now, though, I think I want something more from him. He turns his body to me and reaches out, touching my collarbone with his index finger. “What do you want, Sabina? You have a hungry look in your eyes.”

“Have you seen this look in my eyes before?” I ask, boldly giving him a once-over from his face to his cock in his track pants, then back up again.

“I have,” he says, lip twitching. “When you look at food.”

That makes me laugh, because it’s probably true.

“And the few times that we’ve kissed,” he continues, his fingers now tracing the curve of my breast. “But I think this is the hungriest I’ve seen them, and without your mind working behind them.”

“I want you,” I tell him, quietly. “I don’t care what anyone has to say, Dean. What’s the point in fighting something that everyone else is desperately searching for?”

“Someone did a lot of thinking since last night,” he says, studying me. “Are you sure? What if you change your mind, Sabina?”

“I won’t,” I say, licking my lips. “I’d never regret you.”

That’s one thing that I know for sure. He means too much, and has always been in my life in some way or form. We know each other. I don’t think this is rushing anything. I think that the beginning officially starts now. I don’t have anything to lose, and everything to gain at this point. Unless it doesn’t work out and we lose our friendship, which he says will never happen. Shutting my thoughts off, I lean forward and just kiss him.

Fuck everything.

It’s time I get something that I want.

He pins me under him, bracing himself on top of me as the kiss deepens, his hands on my cheeks, no space left between our bodies. “Are you all in, Sabina?”

I let my hands roam down his toned back, resting on his arse. I’ve always wanted to grab his arse, and now I have the chance. “Yeah, Dean. I’m all in.”

I can feel his hard cock pressed against me through our clothes, and I can’t wait to feel it inside me. It’s been so long that I’m practically a virgin again; I can barely remember what it feels like, but I know with Dean it’s going to be amazing.

Perfect.

He ends the kiss but only to kiss down my neck, turning me on so much that I can barely breathe. My neck is so sensitive, and it’s been so long since I’ve felt someone’s lips there. He kisses my collarbone, then pulls down the thin strap of my top, pressing his lips against my bare shoulder. My top falls down further, exposing one of my breasts, and he’s quick to pay attention to it, kissing around and cupping it before licking and gently sucking on the nipple. He slides down my other strap then cups both breasts, glancing up at me. “You are so fucking perfect, Sabina. Just as I always imagined.”