Second(17)
“I’ll save you from any sharks,” he says in my ear, sending shivers up my spine, then moves away. I turn around and swim after him, watching as he dives under. I do the same. Immersed in water, it’s like a whole other world down here. Fish swim past me and I try not to squirm. I take in everything, excitement and adrenaline filling me as I start to swim deeper, towards where Dean is.
Today really is the best day I’ve had in a very, very long time.
*****
After an hour of swimming, we’re back on the boat, enjoying the sunshine and just relaxing. Dean puts the radio on and we sing along to the songs that we know, him with his incredible voice and me with my below average one. He laughs at me as I rap a chorus, but then joins in on the next one. I feel… free, even if it’s just temporarily. That’s the only way I can think to explain it. I smile to the sky as I look up at the clouds, and wonder if Ben is looking down at me right now, also smiling.
“What are you smiling and thinking about?” Dean asks.
I tell him. “I was thinking how happy and free I feel right now, and then I was wondering if Ben is looking down on us right now, probably smiling, just like I am.”
Dean goes quiet after that, so I turn to look at him. He’s lying back in his hammock, eyes closed, sunlight touching every inch of him. He’s in his black board shorts and nothing else, his hand resting on his ripped abs. How have I never noticed how chiselled they are before?
“Thank you for bringing me out here,” I tell him. “And for all the gifts you bought me, even though you shouldn’t have.” I purse my lips, then add, “And don’t think I don’t know how much they cost because I do. I like designer stuff, it’s my weakness.”
“I know,” he says, eyes still closed. “I’ve seen all your handbags, Sabina.”
I cringe a little. “We all have our vices.”
Like that justifies me spending more than some people’s monthly rent on a fucking handbag.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he says, chuckling softly. “I just knew you’d like that stuff, and with Tara picking it out it was a pretty foolproof plan.”
It really was. And more than that—it was thoughtful. He’s so thoughtful. He didn’t have to do any of this for me, he didn’t have to come and pull me out of bed and remind me to live again, but he did, and I’ll forever be grateful to him.
“You are too good to me,” I say, looking back up at the sky. “I wish I could do something for you, too.”
“You don’t have to,” he says quickly. “This was for you, Sabina. Don’t overthink it. What you do for me is give me peace of mind by letting me know you’ll be okay while I’m back in LA.”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure him. “You don’t have to worry about me, Dean. I just needed a little time, and to be honest it still hurts but I’m feeling a little more optimistic and hopeful now.”
“Good,” he says softly, something in his tone that I can’t pinpoint. “But I mean it, you ever want to visit, I’ll fly you over. You always have a place to stay at mine.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, my voice cracking. I don’t want to get emotional in front of him, but his words mean everything to me. I clear my throat, close my eyes, and just enjoy being alive.
I won’t be taking it for granted ever again.
*****
By the time we get home, I’m exhausted, and so is Dean.
“So do you want me to order us something to eat?” I ask him, yawning, once I walk back into the living room in my pyjamas after a hot shower. “Maybe a giant pepperoni pizza or something?”
“Yeah, I’ll order it. You look like you’re about to fall asleep on your feet.”
I drop to the couch and nod. “Okay. I’ll get it when it comes to the door though. We don’t need people knowing where you are.”
He ignores me and starts pressing buttons on his phone, probably looking for the number. I watch TV while he orders, then move closer to him on the couch and rest my head on his knee, my face turned to the screen. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Sabina—”
“I know that you have to. But I’m just saying, for the record, I like having you here,” I say, trying to explain how I’m feeling to him. “The place is going to be so lonely when you leave. I think Tara will come and stay here for a bit, but I can’t expect her to stop her life for me. I can’t expect you to, either. All I’m saying is… I’m going to miss you.”
The words come out in a rush, so I take a deep breath afterwards.