Romance Impossible(68)

I knew how he felt, but I wasn't about to admit it.

He reached across the table and laid his hand over mine. I wanted to jerk it away, but I didn't.

"Jill," he said. "You know, in my dreams, we're still together."

And what about when we were together? Did you dream about her?#p#分页标题#e#

"Jillian!" A voice cut through the fog, jerking me away from this moment, from the strange spell that Eric had somehow placed me under. It was Max.

I looked up, slowly. Max was walking towards me, quickly, and as he drew closer I saw his brow furrow. He must have seen something in my face - but what, I couldn't imagine. I had no idea how much of my maelstrom of emotions was actually showing. To my surprise, I didn't feel any tears gathering.

Then, I realized that Eric was still holding my hand.

"Is everything okay?" Max glanced down at our hands on the table, then back up at my face. "We need you back on camera in five."

Suddenly, I felt the weight of Max's hand resting on my shoulder. It was nothing more than a friendly gesture, and certainly wouldn't be interpreted any other way. But as I felt the warmth of his skin seeping through me, I remembered who I was now. What I was doing here. I was no longer Eric's faithful, adoring girlfriend - and more than that, I was no longer the person who could play that role.

"Yes," I said, swallowing with an effort. I finally yanked my hand away from Eric. "Absolutely great. I'll be right over."

"So that's your big bad boss, huh?" Eric observed as Max walked out of earshot. "I gotta say, when I heard that you were working for him, I was pretty shocked. He doesn't really seem like your style."

"Yeah, well," I said, finally standing up on unsteady legs. "People change."

I already had my back to him, and was several paces away, before he spoke again.

"Jill, wait."

Despite my better judgment, I stopped. But I didn't turn around.

"Please, can I see you again? I just want to talk some more. I miss you so much."

It was a strange, parallel universe echo of the things I'd said to him when he first left. Begging for just one more moment. Desperate for any conversation, even if I knew it would never satisfy me.

"Please," he said again, when I didn't answer. "I'm not the same person I was two years ago. It's like you said. People change."

I turned my head, just enough to get a sidelong look at him.

"I'm so sorry," he said, tears gathering in his eyes. "I don't even know how to tell you. I'm so sorry, baby, for everything. Just give me a chance to show you how much."

Over by the stage, Max was frantically waving me over. I started walking again.

"I have to get back to work," I said. But it wasn't no. It wasn't no, and Eric knew that was well as I did.

God damn it.





***



Right after the filming wrapped, the last time they called "CUT!" and we all broke into cheers, I saw Eric's face again. I'd forced myself to focus on anything but him, losing myself in the surreality of the filming process until it was over. But now, I couldn't ignore him anymore.

He pushed his way through the teeming masses, right towards me. He had a bouquet of white daisies. Where had that come from?

"Congratulations, Jill," he said, his eyes sparkling just like the night I fell in love with him. "You were great."

All around me, people were laughing and high-fiving and hugging. Friends and family were gathering around. Instinctively, I looked for Max, but he had somehow slipped away in the midst of the chaos.

"Come on," said Eric, reaching out to touch my arm. "Let's go have some drinks. Celebrate properly."

"I don't know if I should..." But really, I didn't have an excuse. The day's work was done. Max clearly didn't need me, or he would have said something before he vanished.#p#分页标题#e#

"Just one drink," said Eric. "Maybe two."

I had to laugh at that. "I've heard that before."

"Yeah, well." He came around and stood next to me, laying his hand on my back to steer me forward. Just like he always used to do. But instead of feeling comforted, I bristled a little.

"Where are we going?"

"Don't worry about it," he said. "You'll love it there."

He had changed. I couldn't picture the Eric that I dated being so decisive, and so confident like this.

Wait, wait, wait. What was I doing? Was I even thinking about the possibility of...

No. It was just a few drinks, for old time's sake. Eric was a nice guy, after all. Fun to hang out with. Always had been. One night of booze and conversation wasn't going to send me into a tailspin, I was stronger than that now.