Refuge(72)

I thought about how I’d felt when the bazerat had leapt at me. I’d been scared yes, but afraid for my life? No. All I’d wanted was to subdue them, and I didn’t even know they were demons until after the task was complete.

“You’ve been using your power to heal creatures most of your life and you know how to manipulate it and how to release it in controlled bursts, right?” I nodded. “It’s the same power; you just used it offensively with the demons. I think you can learn to use your power as a weapon if you start thinking of it as one and the same.”

I chewed the inside of my cheek. I was pretty sure he was right about the power all coming from the same source, and I was excited about the possibility of learning to use it to protect myself. After all, what would be better than a weapon you could carry inside you?

But what if I tried to use it on Nikolas and I couldn’t control it? What if I hurt him or worse? The thought of him dying left me cold; the thought of me being the one to end his life sucked the air from my lungs, and I had to remind myself to breathe. “I can’t . . . I can’t do it . . . ” I wheezed, close to hyperventilating.

Nikolas moved so fast he was gripping my shoulders before I could react. His eyes softened to a smoky gray as they captured mine. “This really frightens you, doesn’t it?”

I could only nod.

“All the more reason for you to learn to master it. If you don’t, it will control you instead, and we both know how much you hate being controlled.” His lips curved into a small smile. “You trust me, right?”

I looked past his shoulder, wondering how he could ask that after everything we had been through. “Yes.”

“And I trust you with my life.”

My eyes snapped back to his and met his unwavering gaze.

“I trust you, Sara, and I know you won’t hurt me.”

“Yes, but – ”

“You were afraid to connect with your Mori at first, but you did it and now you no longer fear it. This is no different.” His hands left my shoulders and ran down my arms to take my hands and lay my palms against his chest. I could feel his slow steady heartbeat under my fingers, telling me with more than words how confident he was in me. “Start slow and see what happens. You can pull away anytime you need to.”

“Okay,” I agreed shakily. “But not here.” I was not going to take a chance of something going wrong so close to his heart. Lifting my hands from his chest, I took one of his hands in both of mine, acutely aware of the rough texture of his palm against mine. I opened my power and let it slowly fill my hands but didn’t try to push into him. He stood, unmoving, showing no signs he felt anything out of the ordinary.

“Do you feel anything?” I asked him, and he shook his head. I turned it up a notch and asked him again. Still nothing. More power pooled in my hands and they began to emit a soft glow. It was enough power to mend a dog’s broken leg yet Nikolas didn’t even twitch a muscle.

“Your hands feel warmer. What are you doing?” he asked, and I explained how I was directing power to them as I would for a healing.

I released his hand. “I don’t think this is going to work. I only know how to heal things, and I don’t know what I did to those demons.”

“Hmmm.” He stared over my head for a moment before he gave me a smile that made me wary. “Your offensive power only surfaces when there is a demon nearby, but it doesn’t sense my Mori.”

“That’s a good thing though, right?” At least I could rest knowing I wouldn’t hurt another Mohiri.

“It is as long as we keep our demons restrained, but what happens if we allow them closer to the surface.” Something in his voice made me nervous and I tried to pull away, but he grabbed my hands again

“Nikolas, whatever you are thinking is a really bad idea.” I gasped as his eyes began to shimmer like pools of liquid silver. I stared into them like a moth mesmerized by flame, and it wasn’t until my Mori came roaring awake and straining against its walls that I was able to break free of their spell. It was all I could do to restrain my own demon that fought to get closer to Nikolas’s.

It wasn’t until I had wrangled my Mori back under control that I realized it wasn’t the only thing that had awakened. No, no, no, I wailed silently as the first sparks of static crackled through my hair. I reached for the runaway magic and pulled it back inside me with more ease than I had expected. It felt wild and exhilarating compared to the tame healing power I knew so well, and for several seconds I was tempted to let it go free, to see what it could do.