Refuge(69)

“I feel so many things it’s almost too much.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I don’t know how you do it, how you live with this all the time.”

“This is your first time opening yourself to your demon. The more you do this, the easier it will be.” He sounded like a trainer again. “Give yourself a few minutes to adjust, and then I want you to tell me what else you feel.”

I faced the onslaught from the Mori until I could take it no longer. Please, it’s too much, I pleaded, about to pull away. The Mori shifted, and the flow of sensations began to lessen until they became a trickle. We were still touching, but I was no longer overwhelmed by its emotions, which allowed me to start exploring our connection. The first thing I discovered was the intelligence of the demon. It had always felt like a mindless beast, lacking rational thought, and even when I had spoken to it yesterday, its halting speech had made me see it as less intelligent than I was. But I realized now that its lack of communication was due to it just not knowing how to talk to me, since I had shut it away for most of my life.

The second thing I found was a pulsing energy I had never felt before. Dark and coiled, it was almost frightening in its intensity and so different than my other power. Whereas my Fae power healed, this power felt angry, destructive. I knew instinctively that this was the essence of the Mori demon and the place from which all Mohiri drew their strength. Curiously, I opened our connection more to draw a delicate thread of it toward me, and the demon let it go willingly. I felt a rush of energy like pure adrenaline, and I took a deep breath, marveling at the strength coursing through me. If this was from our thin connection, I could not imagine what it felt like to become one with the demon the way Nikolas did.

“This is . . . incredible.” For the first time I understood how Nikolas was able to fight all those vampires at once.

“What do you feel?”

I opened my eyes, beaming. “I feel strong, like I could lift a car.”

He smirked. “I think we should start with something a bit smaller. See that small weight over there? It weighs forty pounds. Do you think you can lift that?”

“Do you think I’m that weak? I can lift forty pounds.”

“Yes, but how easily? Can you do it with one hand?”

I stood and walked over to the weights, stopping by the smallest one, a cast-iron kettlebell. Bending at the knees, I grasped the handle in my right hand and straightened up. The weight lifted about a foot off the floor before I lowered it back down with a grunt. “I don’t get it. I feel like I should be able to pick it up.”

“You are feeling your Mori’s power, but you aren’t actually tapped into it yet. In order to do that, you have to work with the Mori instead of trying to take from it.”

“You mean merge with it like you do?” I asked, hearing fear slip into my voice.

“Eventually you’ll do that, but it’s not necessary for this exercise. Right now, I want you to stop touching the Mori and let it reach out to you instead. Open yourself a little, and your Mori will know what to do. You already know you can control the demon, so don’t be afraid of it. Let it in.”

Sure, easy for him to say. I pulled away from the Mori and immediately my mind felt quieter and calmer without all the extra emotions of the demon’s energy. Okay, let’s do this, I said to the Mori that seemed more at ease with me now. It appeared to know what I wanted, but it moved toward me slowly as if it was unsure of what to do. The moment it reached me, its natural instinct seemed to kick in, and it began to stretch and press itself against my mind. I could hear it asking me to let it in, and taking a deep breath, I opened to it.

Tendrils of the demon’s power reached into my mind while others stretched along my spine and down my arms and legs, fusing with my muscles and strengthening my bones. I fought the urge to push it away and concentrated on studying it instead, observing how different it was from my scorching Fae power. This power made me feel physically strong and agile, and it was a heady sensation.

My hand reached for the weight again, and this time I lifted it with more ease. It was still heavier than I’d expected it to be, but the fact that I stood there holding a forty-pound weight in one hand awed me. I let it drop and jumped in the air. “Yes!”

I spun to grin at Nikolas. “Did you see that? That was awesome!”

“Very good. You learn fast.” He had his trainer face on, but I could hear a note of pride in his voice. “Now, I want you to do that again five more times, with each hand.”

I did as he asked, and by the time I finished, a fine sheen of sweat covered my brow. I wiped it away with my sleeve and looked at him triumphantly.