Refuge(68)

“What?”

He looked at me for several more seconds. “How do you feel after yesterday?”

“Do you mean training or the kark thing?”

“Both.”

“Talking to my Mori was not what I expected. I’m really not sure how I feel about it.”

“And the kark attack?”

I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know; I haven’t really thought much about it. Compared to some of the other stuff I’ve been through, that was nothing.”

His face lost some of its hardness. “That is true.”

“Well, you did call me a danger magnet once.”

A small smile hovered at the corners of his mouth. “I believe I said disaster magnet.”

“The kark incident could hardly be called a disaster, so I think my luck is improving.”

“Maybe it is, but let’s work on training you so you don’t need luck. Do you think you can talk to your Mori like you did yesterday?” I nodded. “Start with that, and then I’ll tell you what I want you to do next.”

I closed my eyes, because it felt more natural that way, and opened my thoughts to the demon crouching inside its cage. Even before I started to lower the wall, I felt the demon’s mixture of anticipation and fear. Come out, I said as the wall disappeared. I won’t hurt you.

The Mori did not need more encouragement than that. Instead of rushing out like it had the first time, it emerged from its cage cautiously, and I could feel it searching for the glow as it called it. When it realized that my power was still locked away, it relaxed, reminding me of a cat sitting back on its haunches. It was hard to believe this small, seemingly timid blob of darkness was the same one that had tried to fill me with violent urges and could give me strength and speed to match a vampire’s.

Now that we’re here, I’m not sure what we are supposed to do, I told it. I don’t suppose you would know.

The demon looked at me with its featureless face but said nothing. Great, neither one of us was a conversationalist. This should be interesting.

Nikolas’s voice cut through the silence between us. “How are you doing?”

Solmi? The demon asked eagerly, and I wondered if maybe it sensed the other Mori nearby.

“I’m good,” I replied without opening my eyes. “What should I be doing?”

“Touch it.”

My eyes flew open. “Touch it?”

He smiled at my reaction. “Yes. If you ever want to tap into all of its powers, you will have to learn to merge with it. Touching it is the first step.”

Merge with the demon? Fuse our minds together the way he’d described yesterday? I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to do that.

“We will take this as slow as you need to.”

I shut my eyes again and looked at the demon that hadn’t moved at all while I was talking to Nikolas.

I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just going to touch you. I reached toward it slowly, and it shrank back at the last moment.

Look, Nikolas says we have to do this if we’re ever going to work together.

The demon perked up. Solmi?

Yes, Solmi. Maybe if my Mori thought the other demon wanted us to do this, then it would be okay with it. It was worth a try.

It worked. The demon started to lean toward me as I reached for it. This time, it did not flinch away and my mind made contact with the dark shapeless blob.

There is no way to describe the sensations that flowed into me through that single touch. Colors, sounds, and smells bombarded me along with a wave of emotions: fear, love, rage, joy, loneliness, and so many more. It was how I imagined a prisoner would feel, emerging into the sunlight after a lifetime of solitary, a blind man seeing for the first time, a deaf man hearing music. It was the joy of freedom, the fear of losing it again, and an overwhelming need to connect with another living creature.

I absorbed every one of the Mori’s emotions and felt how much I had been hurting it by imprisoning it all these years. It was a demon, but it was also a sentient being and as much a part of me as my heart or lungs. I’d treated imps and bazerats with more compassion and kindness than I had the demon living inside me.

I didn’t know I was crying until a hand touched my face. “Sara, what is it?”

“It hurts so much.”

“You’re in pain?”

I shook my head without opening my eyes. “Not me, my Mori. It’s so lonely and sad.”

“You’re crying for your demon?” There was surprise in his voice along with something else I could not identify.

Pulling back, I turned my face away from him. “You wouldn’t understand.”

It took him a moment to answer. “Do you want to tell me what is happening?”