Refuge(109)

“You don’t look happy about it.”

I took a sip from my room temperature water and wrinkled my nose. “I’m just getting used to it all, I guess. It was a bit of a shock, and I’m not sure what’s going to happen now.”

“You guys argue a lot,” he stated artlessly, and I heard the question behind his words.

I lifted a shoulder. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t be boring.”

“It’s crazy that the first Mohiri you met was your mate, and it’s Nikolas Danshov of all people. People go ages without finding one and you’re not even eighteen.”

“We’re not mates yet,” I said absently, my mind still trying to process the thought of a life with Nikolas. It was hard to focus when my stomach got all fluttery every time I thought about him.

“They say it hurts at first if you reject a mating bond, but it gets better.”

“What?” My mind came out of its fog. “What do you mean?”

Michael looked unfazed by my abruptness. “You said it wasn’t final, so I figured you were thinking about breaking the bond. I just meant that Nikolas would be okay if you did.”

“That’s good to know.” Michael idolized Nikolas so it made sense he was concerned about Nikolas’s welfare. Still, I was uncomfortable having a conversation about something so deeply personal. I cast about for something else to talk about. “So, do they make a big deal about Thanksgiving here? I’m looking forward to turkey and stuffing next week. And my uncle, Nate, is coming to spend the holiday.”

I wanted to kick myself when I saw the fleeting sadness in his eyes. How could I be so insensitive, knowing that he spent half his time searching for a brother who had to be dead? Thanksgiving must be very difficult for someone who missed his family so much that he could not accept they were gone. If anyone should understand the need to hold onto the past, it was me. I also knew when it was time to let go.

“Michael, I know you’re still looking for your brother,” I started, and he seemed to recoil from me. “No, wait,” I said when he pushed his chair back. “I just wanted to offer my help.” That stopped him, and he stared at me like he didn’t know if I was being sincere or not. I took his hesitation as a good sign and plunged forward. “I never told you about my dad, did I?”

“Your father?” He shook his head and continued to stare at me like he was trying to figure out my angle.

I lowered my voice so no one else in the dining room could overhear me. It also forced him to move closer. “When I was eight, my dad was murdered by vampires.” I swallowed the small lump that always formed when I spoke about my past. “I didn’t find out until a year later that it was vampires who killed him.”

“What does that have to do with my brother? Your father is dead, and Matthew is still alive.”

“Let me finish. I knew my dad was dead, but I couldn’t understand why vampires would go after him. I spent years trying to find answers, and I got a bit obsessed about it. It almost got me killed. But during the years I was looking, I made a lot of contacts online, people who know things. What I’m trying to say is that I know people out there who might be able to help you. I even know a hacker and a few guys who deal in the underworld black market. If anyone can help us find Mathew, it’s them. If they can’t find any sign of him, then he is nowhere to be found.” I had no hope of finding his brother, but maybe what Michael needed was for someone else to tell him Matthew was dead before he would finally accept it.

The wariness left his face, and in its place I saw a vulnerable little boy who just wanted someone to tell him things would be okay. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course, what are friends for?”

He fiddled with his napkin, but his eyes shone with conviction. “Everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I know Matthew is alive. I’d feel it if he was dead.”

My chest squeezed when I thought about the pain Michael was going to suffer when he finally had to accept that his brother was gone. “There’s something else you need to think about. Even if we do find Matthew, he might not be the same. It’s very likely he ended up like the other orphans that weren’t found in time.”

“You didn’t,” he said brightly as if he’d already thought about that possibility.

I didn’t respond because I could not tell him the truth about me, and why I was different from other orphans. If by some miracle Matthew was still alive, his demon had driven him mad by now. I didn’t know what would be worse: finding out your brother is dead or finding out that he is insane and beyond help. It was obvious that Michael was not ready to deal with either of those outcomes, so I decided to keep those thoughts to myself.