Refuge(106)

It was different with Jordan. There was something about her bluntness and sense of humor that made it easy to talk to her. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if I’d had a girlfriend like her back home.

We were finishing our walk through the south wing when we spotted Tristan and Celine coming out of his office. We were not close enough to hear what they were saying, but it was obvious that Celine was angry about something. I didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what had her out of sorts.

“Poor Celine. She never had a chance,” Jordan said in a low voice as we headed back to our rooms. “You should have seen her at dinner. She was like a grizzly bear with a sore tooth.”

“She is never pleasant to me, so I probably wouldn’t know the difference,” I replied, not wanting to talk about the other woman. I still wasn’t convinced that Nikolas didn’t feel some attraction for her, especially after seeing them together.

Why do you care if you aren’t even sure you want him? The annoying little voice in my head asked. Instead of answering, I wondered where Nikolas was now and what he really thought about all of this. Was he angry with me for not wanting to talk to him today? How did he truly feel about this bond between us? It wasn’t as if he’d had a choice either, right? Maybe he didn’t want this at all and he was waiting for me to reject the bond and set him free.

Why didn’t I break the bond? What was I waiting for? If I’d found out I had a bond with any other male here, I would have freaked and ended it on the spot. I was confused and scared and okay, a little freaked out, but not averse to the idea of being with Nikolas. I mean, it was Nikolas. I did care about him a lot, even if he made me want to clobber him sometimes, and I’d have to be comatose not to be attracted to him. And that kiss. I got butterflies just thinking about it. I had nothing to compare it to, but that couldn’t be a normal reaction to a kiss.

The truth was I didn’t doubt my feelings for Nikolas. I’d tried to bury them, but they refused to go away no matter how upset or angry I got at him. But Tristan said the bond was a forever thing, and I just couldn’t see me committing to anyone for eternity after a few months and one kiss. And I’d be surprised if Nikolas was ready to jump into anything either no matter what his Mori was telling him. I wasn’t ready to say good-bye to him forever either. Every time I thought about that possibility, my stomach felt like it had been filled with lead. I needed time – we needed time – to get to know each other more and figure this out.

Right now though, what I really needed was space to clear my head and wrap my mind around all of it. I wasn’t ready to talk to Nikolas about any of this, and I didn’t know how I’d feel when I had to face him again. I was glad I’d asked Tristan to switch me back to training with Callum. Nikolas might not be happy about it at first, but I was sure that once he thought about it, he would agree that this was best for both of us.





Chapter 17





I STRETCHED AND did my warm-up while I waited for Callum in his usual training room. After the last two days, I had a lot of restless energy stored up and I was looking forward to burning it off. If there was one thing I could count on Callum for, it was to work the hell out of me. Today I was going to ask him if he could start teaching me some kicks and punches. My Mori strength would be a lot more effective once I learned how to channel it properly.

When the door opened, I turned to greet my trainer and my smile faltered when Nikolas, not Callum, entered the room. Seeing him so unexpectedly for the first time since the night of the party, my stomach fluttered and my heart sped up. His closed expression made it impossible to tell what he was thinking or feeling.

“I’m waiting for Callum,” I said lamely.

He shut the door. “Callum and I talked, and we agreed that I will continue to train you.” The determined set of his jaw when he faced me again made me look at the door and think of escape.

“I didn’t agree to that. I’d rather work with – ” I broke off and took a step back when he moved forward.

He stopped and regret flashed in his eyes. “Don’t do that. I would never hurt you.”

“I know.” Things might be weird between us, but I would never let him believe I was afraid of him. “I just think it would be best if I trained with some other people.”

“No one here can teach you anything I can’t.”

I didn’t respond because I knew he was right. I couldn’t tell him that what I really needed was to work with someone who didn’t tie my stomach in knots and make me so confused I couldn’t think straight.