Redemption(78)

“It means I want you here with me. It means I need you here with me. I lost you once, Dean. I can’t lose you again. I’ve been denying it to myself for too long. Without you, there is no me. That’s not a life I want to live. That’s a life I cannot bear.”

Her green eyes pooled with tears, making the color stand out as bright as a twinkling star. She was so beautiful. And she was so mine. “I’m never going to let you go.”

She nodded with an exhale. “I know, Dean. I know. And, for the first time, I can admit that I don’t want you to.”

I pulled her into my arms and fiercely hugged her. I didn’t want to take her, despite the raging hard-on I now pressed into her belly. I wanted to feel her close for a moment. Bathe her, worship her like I knew she deserved to be worshipped.

“Does this mean I get to wake up with you in my arms tomorrow? Does this mean I get to be woken up by our son and make him pancakes whilst you lie in bed?”

I felt Tyler chuckle in the crook of my neck. “Yes,” she simply whispered. “I would love that.”

So I bathed her and she bathed me. We took time with one another, then I went to bed, Tyler wrapped in my arms. We made love that night. It wasn’t the angry sex I knew Tyler loved at times. This time, I knew she wanted us to take our time. She wanted the slow, agonizing passion to sizzle and boil over. And I wasn’t done until I heard my name several times before she collapsed in my arms. By the time we had finished, Tyler was fast asleep, morning was well and truly upon us, and I could hear the gentle tip-tap of tiny feet as the handle to Tyler’s room suddenly turned.

At first, my heart was in my mouth because I didn’t know how Jeremy would react to me being in Tyler’s room, in her bed, with her asleep right beside me.

With a finger to my lips, I grabbed my t-shirt next to the bed and slid it over my head. Jeremy just stood there with his little Spiderman pajamas on. His blonde hair was tousled from sleep as he tilted his head to one side, watching me. I couldn’t tell from looking at him just what he felt by seeing me there. I had stayed there before, yes, but it had always been sex with Tyler and then sleeping in the spare room. But that was where Jimmy and Tara were now. I was armed with an excuse, but would that wash with my son?

Grabbing his hand, I walked us both out of the bedroom and softly shut the door. I was fucking knackered after last night, but I did tell Tyler I would make our boy pancakes in the morning. It was becoming a daily ritual now.

Once we got downstairs, I picked Jeremy up and set him down on the kitchen island. I smiled at him and ruffled his hair a little. “What will it be this morning, grown-up, or do I need to ask?”

Jeremy just sat there, swinging his legs a minute before he spoke, “You were in Mommy’s bed.”

Fuck. I thought I had gotten away with that. “Erm, yes. The thing is, Tara had an accident last night and she is staying in the spare bedroom with Big Uncle Jimmy.”

Jeremy gasped a little. “What happened to Tara?”

I cupped his face in my hands. “Don’t worry about Tara. She’s fine. Your mommy and Jimmy helped take care of her last night. She fell and hurt herself, but she will get better.”

I hated lying. I used the same lame fucking excuse that women used to protect their husbands who had just beaten them, but Jeremy needed to be shielded from this ugly side of the world. Right now, all he needed to know was that he was surrounded by people who loved him, and that Santa did visit every Christmas. And I couldn’t wait to be around to see Christmas.

“I don’t like it when I fall and hurt myself. I get a boo-boo and it hurts like hell.”

I raised my eyebrow at him. “Did you just use a naughty word?”

Jeremy giggled and nodded his head, so I tickled him. He giggled with his arms and legs violently waving around, but I held him steady until I heard him trying to catch his breath. I stopped, and Jeremy giggled some more. Once he calmed down, he stared at me a moment.

“Are you going to marry Mommy now?”

My eyes widened and I stepped back. Getting married to Tyler was all I ever wanted to do since I was a little, scrawny fuck.

I smiled and shook my head. “I can’t get married to your mum just yet.”

Jeremy frowned and a little crinkle formed at the top of his head, making him look just like Tyler. It made my heart swell and my belly dance. Man, I was turning into a fucking girl. What was wrong with me?

“Why not?”

I smiled down at Jeremy and flicked his nose. “Well, you see, there is one person I need to ask first before I can marry your mother. I was under strict instructions.”

I saw Jeremy inhale and was about to speak when something caught his eye. Turning, I saw Tyler rubbing her sleepy eyes as she paraded her long, silky legs into the kitchen. She never fucking failed to make me want her all over again. It had only been a couple of hours since I had her legs wrapped around me, but I craved her again. I needed her again. It especially didn’t help that it was right in the heart of summer because all she had on was her tank top and a pair of very short shorts. She was like a fucking magnet. I was her negative and she was my positive.