Redemption(77)

And who could blame her. She had Jeremy now and he would always be a priority over me. I accepted that because he was our son. Jeremy first, me second. I could never make her choose something that was without choice. Our son was her choice.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I stepped inside the bathroom, closed the door behind me, and switched the shower on. I pulled my boxers off, waiting for the shower to get warm. Once I knew it was hot enough, I stepped in and let the water wash away the blood. It quickly turned red as I watched it disappear down the drain.

Suddenly, I felt Tyler’s arms around me as the evidence still cascaded down my body and onto the shower floor. I immediately stiffened as I watched her watch the blood. I cringed, knowing what was coming. This side of me wasn’t what she wanted. She asked me to change and I promised her I would. Tonight, I broke that promise.

I held my breath, waiting for her to ask me to leave. I was expecting her angry voice to echo through my brain. I braced myself for it. On instinct, I tried to shield her from seeing the evilness that now stained the floor.

Instead, she shocked me by squeezing her arms around me. “Is it done?” she simply whispered against my chest.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether to breathe, move, or tell her I’m fucking sorry. I just froze for a moment.

“Yes.” I suddenly exhaled a breath and tightened my arms around her, afraid she would be taken from me.

Tyler sighed and my heart ached. “Good,” she simply replied, and I couldn’t believe what I was fucking hearing. Did she not hate me? Did she not think I betrayed her yet again? Did she not think I went against everything she ever asked of me?

“Tyler—”

She stopped me with her finger to my lips as she gazed into my eyes. “Don’t say anything, Dean. Please. You don’t need to explain.” She replaced her finger with her soft, warm lips, and I was gone. Had she truly forgiven me for what she knew I must have done tonight? Did she forgive that side of me? The side she wanted out of her life for Jeremy’s sake? I agreed with her wholeheartedly. I truly believed my parents wanted to live a normal life for me, but they never worked hard enough at it. Now I was carrying on in the same way. I had a son who I wanted to shield from that part of my life. I wanted to keep him safe at all costs, but all I did was become the same person I had hated in my parents all those years ago, and why? It was necessary, it was important, and it was vital to keep Tara safe. That was what was pushing me tonight. That was what kept me going. I had to make sure justice was done.

And the fucking irony of it all? In my quest for justice, I had sucked Tyler into my world. The moment her lips touched mine, I knew she accepted the fact that I had killed tonight. I had taken someone else’s life, and Tyler felt that was perfectly acceptable. Should I be mad? Should I be asking her why? I didn’t know. The whole thing fucked with my mind and left me wondering what was right and what was wrong.

For some reason, I suddenly found myself pulling away. “Tyler…” I didn’t know what to say. How could I hide from her? How could I protect her from myself? I never wanted her knowing this side of me.

“Stop hiding from me, Dean. Don’t shut out this side of you. I’m not a little girl anymore. You can’t shield me from the horrors of this world. I’m not stupid enough to think that bad things happen to good people and that bad people also have it coming when they do something bad.”

I gripped her face in my hands and sighed. Lovingly, I trailed my thumb across her lips as she shuddered. How did I, the man unworthy of such fucking beauty before me, get to feel her wither at my touch?

“How do you stand me, Tyler? How can you even look at me when you know what kind of man I’ve become?” A single tear slithered down her face and I raced to capture it with my mouth. I told her I was going to kiss all her tears away and I meant every single word.

Tyler smiled. “That’s how.”

My heart thudded in my chest. How could two insignificant words render me helpless? Render me speechless? Render me completely under her spell? I didn’t know she loved me so much. I just trusted that she did.

“What does this mean, Tyler?” I had to ask. I had to know what she was thinking. She looked at me with such adoration and so much awe in her eyes, but I had become a monster. It was just who I was, who I had been trying to run away from, who I could never seem to escape from.

Tyler closed the distance a little and placed her hands on my arms. She snuggled into my neck and inhaled like she was trying to savor my aroma. Finally, she looked up at me with a smile so tender, it almost took my breath away.