Redemption(74)

I saw Dean grip the steering wheel tightly, grinding his teeth. “I guess you found out.”

Dean let out a sigh, but his body was still rigid. “My dad was torturing someone whilst my mum, my uncle, and their buddies just watched. My mum was actually filing her nails like she was bored. Can you fucking believe that?” He shook his head. “But then something was said and my mum’s posture changed. It was then that I knew she wasn’t bored. She was just hiding her pain. Fuck!” Dean bashed the steering wheel. “Sorry, Jimmy. It’s just every time I think about it—”

I put my hands up. “Don’t mention it, Dean. You don’t have to tell me anymore.”

Dean let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s okay. I’ve come this far.” He glanced at me with a tight smile. “I didn’t know the whole story until I asked my father later, but what I got out of that night was the man my father was torturing raped my mother.”

Dean gripped his eyes shut momentarily before looking at the road again. Even after all this time, I couldn’t blame him for getting angry. I would be exactly the same if it were me.

“One of my father’s men had betrayed them. He told them that Antonio Pinzano’s brother wanted to meet to form a truce, but he would only meet with my mother because he knew how much of a fucking hothead my father was. It was all a trap, though. My father’s man, the one who was sent with her for protection, was secretly working for them. Pinzano’s fucking brother trapped her, tied her up, and raped her repeatedly. He sent her home so fucking sore and bruised, she could barely walk for weeks.”

I winced. “Fuck. I’m so sorry, man.”

Dean sighed. “It happened and, unfortunately, I can’t take that back. I had always shied away from what my parents did. I always thought that side of them was ugly. But when I heard about what he did to my mother, the only thing I could think of was I wished it was me in there torturing that fucker. I wished I had the blade that cut him. I wished my fists were the ones smashing his face in. That night, I realized I truly was a Scozzari. I had it running through my blood, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could fucking do about it. I had to accept that as my fate.”

He paused for a minute and smiled. “But the only thing that kept me sane, the only purity I lived off of, was Tyler. The very next day, I went to her. I was tired and so, so fucking angry. I knew one look at her would take it all away. I knew her innocence would melt away the fucking ugliness that was inevitably growing inside of me.” He laughed a little. “She asked me where I had been and I told her I had been to my uncle’s nightclub. Just remembering it tore me up inside. But then she got jealous about me gawking at the hot girls at the club. Can you believe it?” Dean shook his head. “If she only knew.”

Dean went silent for a moment and shook his head, laughing again. “Right then, I didn’t care about anything but her. She was jealous that I was looking at girls, not realizing the half of it. Her innocence and beauty astounded me. I was torn at that moment. I wanted to drown myself in her and bury us both, but I also knew that the side of me I hid away would surface one day. I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do then, but the selfish side of me needed her. I needed her purity to keep my head above water. To keep me sane.” He shook his head with a laugh. “I don’t know whether I’m making any fucking sense here, but—”

“You are,” I interrupted. “You’re making perfect sense. Why did you think I called Grace my ‘Grace from God’? She would always keep me level-headed. I could always count on that at the end of my shitty, rotten day. She would be there for me like my beacon of light. I always knew how to follow it home.”

Dean laughed, nodding. “Look at us…two fucking soppy pussies.”

My lips curled into a grin. “I know. I could go about my day torturing people and think nothing of it. I was used to it by the time I had left the SAS. I’d been desensitized. The only reason I left was because civilian torture money was a lot more profitable. It was a job, pure and simple. But, at the end of the day, I would come home to a pair of loving arms and the moment she touched me, she could ask for anything and I’d give it to her. Grace was my torture. She was my sweet torture.” I stayed silent for a while, enjoying the memories.

“And now? What about now, Jimmy? What about Tara? You certainly didn’t go to all this trouble just because you simply care about her. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

I nodded. “And you know the sickest part in all this?” Dean shrugged and looked at me a moment. “It took tonight to realize it. It took her ex-husband finding her and beating her to a pulp to fucking realize just how much I do love her. How fucking sick is that, Dean? How fucking twisted am I to be so blind up until that moment? I had been fighting how I felt for her because, deep down, I thought it was tainting Grace’s memory. I felt like I was betraying her when all I was ever doing was kidding myself. I’m well and truly sick in the head.” I shook my head at the irony of it all.