Redemption(17)

I heaved a little sob, threatening to reveal my feelings. “Please stop. I don’t want to hear it.”

Dean stepped forward again. “You can’t keep denying it to yourself, Tyler. You can’t keep denying it to my Rosey.”

“Don’t call me that anymore, Dean. You have no right. The boy who used to call me that was sweet, kind, funny, caring, and worshipped the ground I walked on. And do you know how I knew that? Because I felt worshipped. I felt alive whenever he was with me. I felt like the goddamned luckiest bitch in the universe because that Dean always knew how to make me feel so special, I counted every treasured second with him. I waited for him because he was waiting for me. If he had asked, I would have travelled to the ends of the universe with him because that was the way he made me feel.”

“I can be him again.” Not wanting to listen to it, I shook my head. “I am him again. Tyler, please don’t shut me out. Please let me in. I can’t live my life without you in it.”

I dipped my head to the floor. “Please stop,” I whispered.

“Tyler…”

I didn’t want to look up because I knew he was there. I could smell him. That same musky smell I came to love when he visited me in my apartment. My god, I missed that smell. I missed everything about him.

“Tyler…” He touched me then. It was only a slight touch against my arms, but it was enough to make me shudder, enough to make me weak, enough to make my nipples go hard, and more than enough for Dean to notice.

“Your body never betrays itself,” he whispered, sliding his hand towards my cheek.

I was gone by this stage. Without thinking, I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. I took that moment to let me feel what it was like to finally breathe real oxygen again. It was comforting and soothing. Above all, it was liberating.

I took that moment and cherished it because, even though every cell in my body was screaming for this, it didn’t take away the hurt. It didn’t take away the pain, and it didn’t take away the betrayal.

“I love you, Rosey,” he whispered against my lips as I felt his forehead leaning against my own. His lips gently brushed against mine, sending a million jolts through my body. In the four years I have been with Evan, I never once felt anything close to that. Evan was such a sweet man and he deserved so much better than me.

And that was all it took to make me see. That was all it took to snap me out of Dean’s powerful spell. I may be a lot of things, but a cheater wasn’t one of them. So, despite my whole body pulsing with need, I pushed Dean back, allowing a second to compose myself.

“You can’t just turn up here, four years later, and expect everything to be okay. You can’t just turn up and expect to pick up where we left off over seventeen years ago. It doesn’t work like that.”

Dean nodded. “I know, Tyler. I don’t expect it to. I know I will have to work so fucking hard for us, but you’re worth every agonizing second of it. We’re worth every second of it. I will fight for us. I won’t let anyone come between us. I won’t let anyone stand in my way.”

It was that commanding voice of his that told me everything I needed to know. He knew.

“I’ve moved on. I’m with someone else.”

Dean huffed out a laugh. “You mean ‘khaki man’? He looks like a cross between Ted Bundy and Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.” He laughed a little and I cringed.

“Don’t you fucking mock him. He’s twice the man you’ll ever be. He’s never once hurt me like you did, Dean. He’s never once broken my heart. He’s caring and thoughtful and—”

“And what, Tyler? Does he make you scream when he fucks you? Does he make you shudder when he touches you? Does he make you feel worshipped? Do you cherish every second with him?”

I felt the tears come. I didn’t want them to, but Dean brought it all out of me. Why did he come here and turn my life upside down again? Why did he have to speak the words I longed to hear? Why did he have this knack of always bringing me back to when I was child, hopelessly and devastatingly in love with him? No matter how far apart we were, it never seemed to change.

“Don’t make me say things you don’t want to hear, Dean. Don’t push me. You can’t just climb up my fucking window and, poof, every single thing you ever did to me simply disappears. Did you not read that letter I sent? Did the words not sink in? You broke me, Dean. You fucking tore me to shreds and let the devastation scatter all around you. You were not only the love of my life, you were my best friend. Someone I could come to whenever I was feeling low. Someone I could rely on through thick and thin. Someone who would never, ever let me down.”