Redemption(15)

Arriving back at home, I packed all the stuff away, then gave my mum and dad a call. Jeremy was fine and, apparently, snuggled up in bed eating ice cream and watching Finding Nemo on the TV. It was nice to know he was getting better, but I still missed him.

After hanging up, I switched on the TV and watched Finding Nemo, as well. It somehow made me feel like I was watching it with him.

Later, I went for a swim, took a shower, and started making something to eat. Considering the weather was so hot, I made a salad with chicken, ham, and cheese. Evan can’t get enough of cheese.

“Hmmm, something smells lovely. I could get used to this.”

I turned and saw him coming down the stairs. His hair was all wet and wild from the shower, and he was wearing his khaki’s again.

“I’m doing chicken salad with ham and plenty of cheese.”

Evan snaked his arms around me from behind and nibbled on my ear. “You were amazing this morning. I’ve never seen you let go like that before. It was awesome.”

I closed my eyes as the guilt instantly came. “You were pretty awesome yourself.” I hated lying, but I couldn’t say anything. God, I’m the worst girlfriend ever!

“I’d take you again if I wasn’t so hungry. I could eat a horse.”

Turning, I smiled up at Evan and kissed him. “Go sit down. I’ll bring everything to the table.”

We sat and ate dinner as he told me about his shift the night before, and I told him that I now knew what happened to Jemima Puddle-Duck.

After dinner, I placed everything into my dishwasher, then turned to the fridge to get some wine. I poured myself a glass and sipped it as I stared out at the pool. Evan was soon behind me, nuzzling his nose into my neck. I soon felt him go hard as he turned me around to kiss me. “I want you again,” he breathed into my mouth. “I’ve had one hunger satisfied, and now I need the other taken care of. You know how to take good care of me, Jessica.” He kissed me hungrily and picked me up to place me on the kitchen island. He pulled my hips forward and moaned into my mouth. “God, I fucking love you, Jessica. I love the feel of your skin, the taste of your lips, the touch of your hands on my body. I love everything about you.” Evan hitched up my dress and yanked at my panties. I didn’t know whether I had the heart to go through with this again, but I also didn’t have the heart to stop him.

Evan came back to my neck and started kissing me slowly and deliberately. “I want to be inside you so damn much.” He pulled at his trousers, and just as he was about to undo his button, his beeper went off.

Saved by the bell.

“Shit!” He was pissed. I knew it had to be an emergency at work and Evan could never ignore an emergency. He grabbed his beeper and looked down. “Fuck. I’ve got an emergency bypass to do. I’m so sorry.”

I tried to look disheartened as I brushed his lips with mine. “Don’t be. It’s your job. I would hate to think you didn’t save someone because you were too busy humping me.”

Evan smiled. “Humping you?”

I giggled and jumped off the island. “Yeah. Humping. Now go get ready. You have a life to save.” I smiled tenderly and he kissed me quickly on the cheek before doing up his trousers and running out the door.

I felt like an idiot. I also felt like the worst woman in the world. How I had managed to fool myself all this time into thinking I could let Evan into my heart, I would never know. I suppose some people stay with someone because, in their heads, it’s the right thing to do. That, in time, you could learn to love them and be a better person because of it. But didn’t that mean forcing yourself to change who you really were? Didn’t that mean never giving into what your heart truly desired?

Right now, I didn’t know what the fuck to think. My head and my heart were all over the place and I knew it was because of Dean. In my heart, I knew he was close. I knew he was watching me again. I got that same sense I had last time he stalked me for three years. Did he see me this morning? Did he see Evan? If he did see Evan, what the hell was he thinking now? These questions were rolling around in my mind so much, my head was starting to hurt.

In that moment, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. Why was I torturing myself by keeping Jeremy away when I missed him so damn much? It was stupid, I know. Call it motherly instinct, call it protecting my heart, call it anything to explain my actions right now.

Feeling exhausted, I picked up my glass of wine and sat in front of the TV for a while. It didn’t help to relax me, so I decided to take a long, cool bath instead. I get my provisions…strawberries, chocolate sauce, and a bottle of cava…and went upstairs to run my bath.