Redemption(16)

By the time I was finished, I was stuffed with strawberries, tipsy on the cava, and was cleaner than I had been in a long time. I gave one more call to my parents, who told me Jeremy was now sleeping peacefully, so I decided to do the same. I slipped into my silk nightdress, turned on my dim lamp by my bed, and slipped under the sheets.

Turning the lamp off, I rolled over to shut my eyes when I heard something that jolted my eyes wide open. I lay there, wondering whether I was going out of my mind. Surely that sound wasn’t… There it goes again. Tapping. What on earth was that tapping sound?

Throwing the sheets off, I turned towards my window and, sure enough, there were tiny stones hitting the glass.

My heart sank, my knees went weak, and my body hummed. I knew exactly who it was without even looking.

I knew I had to walk to the window but, for some reason, my feet couldn’t move. I was rooted to the spot as my heart drummed a million miles an hour.

Taking a deep breath, I managed to put one foot in front of the other. I was scared, excited, angry, and sad. All my emotions seemed to entangle with one another as my adrenaline kicked up another notch.

For some reason, I couldn’t look out the window. Instead, I opened it as high as it could go and stepped as far back as possible. I needed to be near the door just in case I had to bolt. I didn’t know why I was even letting him in. Everything within me was screaming to protect myself, but it wasn’t my life that needed protecting. It was my body, heart, mind, and soul. Everything that Dean always owned of me.

I jumped a little when I heard what sounded like someone climbing up my window.

And then he emerged. He climbed in with ease, just like he used to all those years ago, and stood there by the window, staring at me. The only light in the room was from the moon and the street lights outside, but I could see enough to know it was definitely him. He looked just as stunning in this light as in the cold light of day. Every time I saw him, a little bit more of my breath was taken. No matter how far I ran, I would never escape the way he made me feel. But that didn’t excuse what he did. That didn’t excuse the giant hole in my heart.

“Tyler…”

I couldn’t help but close my eyes at the sound of his voice. That voice of his still haunted me, still played in my mind, and still gave me some of the best orgasms I would probably ever have in my life.

“Lotus…” I couldn’t let him see the real me. I couldn’t let him see that I was just as broken now as I was back then. But, most of all, I couldn’t let him see that no matter how much time had passed, I was just as much in love with him now as I ever was. There was just no denying that fact.

“Please don’t call me by that name.”

My nostrils suddenly flared in anger. “And why not? That was what you called yourself over four years ago.”

“It’s not who I am now. Lotus is dead, Tyler. Dead and gone. Dean is here now.”

Ignoring him, I pointed to my window. “Why did you do that? Why did you climb up to my window?”

Dean sighed. “Because I wanted you to know that your Dean is here. I am here, Tyler, and I want my Rosey back.”

My eyes pooled with tears as his words and the still fresh betrayal ran through my veins. “I am not your Rosey anymore, Dean. She’s dead, too.”

He moved forward a little. “I refuse to believe that.”

I put my hand up. “Believe it. I moved thousands of miles away, changed my identity, and faked my own death to get away from you. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“Why did you do that?” His voice was pained and it broke my heart all over again.

“Because you’re too dangerous. You’re dangerous to my mind, my body, my heart. Don’t you understand that? Don’t you understand what you did to me? How could I ever move on from something like that?” I started panting. It felt like I was having a small panic attack.

Dean moved forward a little and held the palms of his hands out in front of himself. “I know, Tyler. I know. I’m the worst scum of the universe and I don’t deserve you.”

My eyes widened. “Then why are you here?”

“Because I’m selfish!” His voice was so loud and commanding, it made me jump a little. “Because I’m broken. Because I can’t live without you. I refuse to believe you’ve moved on without me, Tyler. I refuse to believe you don’t want me, and do you know why? Because you’re still wearing that chain around your neck.” On instinct, I placed my hand over the angel wings. “You’re still looking at me like I’m the only man who ever existed. Your body still reacts every time you see me, and your breathing still gets heavy when you stare at me with those beautiful green eyes. You always will be mine, Tyler. From the moment we met when you were six, you were mine. Do you remember that, Tyler? Do you remember that connection so strong, despite the fact that we were so young?”