Razorblade Kisses(8)

She leaned her head back against the concrete wall, unconsciously holding her left forearm, trying to calm the trembling that had spread throughout her body when they ordered her to take off her clothes. She closed her eyes and started her inner mantra of seeing nothing, feeling nothing.

“So you think they’re missing you yet?” Rachel asked from the corner where she sat, her head in her hands.

“I don’t think my mother or sister would think anything about me being gone this long. I told them I was shopping.” That may or not be true, but it was what she hoped.

“Well ten fucking hours of shopping would put a dent in your monthly clothing budget, wouldn’t it?” Rachel sat back and leaned against the wall. “Is it just you guys and your mom?”

Emery shrugged, ignoring her last question, and rubbed the indentations the handcuffs had made on her wrists. “Rachel, thank you for this.” Emery would be indebted to this girl she hardly knew. “And for keeping me distracted.”

Rachel had kept her reasonably sane during this whole thing, keeping her mind off the intake, the orange jumpsuit, and the eight million questions the intake officer had asked by going on and on about her own life. They found out they only lived five minutes away from each other, but somehow had never met.

“No worries,” Rachel said, waving a hand. “Girls usually don’t like me, but you’re different. You already love me. I can tell.”

“Well, you’re hard not to love.” Emery really didn’t know what love was other than what she felt for her sister. When she thought of her feelings for her mother all she felt was a void. She wanted to love her, but she needed her mother to save her; instead she was sleeping with the enemy, the man that had raped Emery for the past three years.

“If I tell you somethi—” Emery stopped herself.

“What?” Rachel asked.

“Never mind.” Emery shook her head violently, not believing the thought that she could tell this girl with hypnotic eyes had even entered her brain.

“Oh no! You can’t do that to your best friend!” Rachel complained. “We’ve known each other for ten hours of straight talking. You know everything about me. You also should trust that I can keep a secret. Secrets will keep us close, I can tell. Do you want to know one of my secrets?”

“Okay,” Emery hesitantly agreed. It wouldn’t hurt to tell this person she’d probably never see again, right?

“I’m in love with one of my dad’s clients. He’s four years older than me and doesn’t even know I’m alive.” A stricken expression flashed over Rachel’s features. “You go.”

“My stepfather…abuses me,” she admitted barely audibly, looking at the concrete wall across from her and counting the blocks. The tremble of her body had turned into a full on vibration. Emery thought she might fall off the small metal bench she was perched on.

Rachel leaned in and whispered, “Abuse how? Did he do that to your arm?”

Emery shook her head and closed her eyes, then dove headfirst into the abyss she’d avoided for three years. “I’ll never be able to be with a boy because every time I’ll picture him.” Emery knew she was being obtuse, but she couldn’t make herself say the word “rape.” A lone tear fell done her cheek before she turned her head and hid her rare emotion from Rachel. She’d been abused for so long she’d blocked it out. If she said it out loud it would bring every emotion she had to the surface. Emery would be all tears, rage, and contradiction. She would scare away this nice girl who had offered her such comfort during this madness.

When she opened her eyes and looked down, Rachel was kneeling in front of Emery, forcing Emery to look at her. Fury colored her alabaster skin, making her cheeks match her lips. “Do not do that,” Rachel said firmly. “You have no right to be ashamed. You have the right to be afraid, to be scared, and to be angry, but not ashamed.”

Emery locked her eyes on Rachel’s, vaguely noticing how much they looked like melted chocolate. They never wavered. Secrets were a funny thing. She’d been weighed down so long by this secret that ate away at her character, her personality, and her dreams because it remained untold and hidden in her gut. Now that she told Rachel, a little of the burden shifted and she actually felt lighter.

Rachel stood up, pulling Emery with her. She hugged her so tightly Emery hoped the arms around her would hold all of the pieces of her together instead of letting them shatter to the ground. She’d never told anyone her secret and she had no idea why she’d told this person she’d just met. Emery didn’t like to be touched. After the first time she felt his fingers inside her she couldn’t stand even for her mother to touch her, but Rachel’s arms around her were a balm she didn’t know she needed.