Outside the Lines(76)

I roll my eyes.

“Speaking of,” she stars. “Where is your hunky boyfriend, Ben?”

I clench my jaw, locking eyes with my mother. I want so badly to tell her everything, to cry and blame myself for losing him, and to have my mommy hug me and tell me it’s going to be okay. Life sucks for a while for everyone, but then things get better. They always do. They have to.

But I don’t tell her.

She’s already stressed and this weekend is all about Jake. I don’t want to take that away from him, and I don’t want my mom to worry any more than she already is.

“He had this big art event he couldn’t turn down. Something about investors in New York,” I say, unable to look at Mom as I lie. I go back to my computer, trying to seem uninterested. “He’ll try to come tomorrow.”

“Oh, what a shame. But I understand. And your cousin Randy will gladly fill in for him if he can’t make it.”

“Ew, Mom, that’s super creepy.”

She waves her hand in the air. “No, he just looks up to you.”

“Mom. He has a picture of me hanging in his room. And his locker at school.”

“He graduated high school this past year. So just one picture of you.”

I wrinkle my nose. “The one in the room is the creepiest. It’s right above the lotion and tissues.”

“Why would he—oh, don’t go there, Felicity.”

“You’re the one who brought it up.”

She presses a smile and shakes her head. “I’m going to get everything ready for tomorrow. Do you want me to pack you snacks?”

I raise my eyebrows. “Do you have to ask?”

“That’s my girl. There is chicken salad in the fridge. Eat something before we leave. We’re going to the venue after the rehearsal so dinner won’t be until later. Danielle wants everyone there in case the planner needs help.”

I roll my eyes. “What’s the point of hiring a planner if we have to help her? Jake told me what that lady cost.”

Mom purses her lips. “It’s her day. Just go with it and then you won’t have to see her until Thanksgiving.”

“Fine.” I won’t go into why it’s not just Danielle’s day, but Jake’s too. I finish my episode of Supernatural, eat, then go upstairs to do my hair and change. I’m ready before Mom, and join my dad on the couch.

“You don’t seem like yourself, kiddo,” he says, even though he’s only seen me in passing since I got here.

I force a smile. “Just tired, that’s all.”

Dad nods, not convinced. I turn back to the show he’s watching. As much as I’d like to think I could totally survive the zombie apocalypse, I know I wouldn’t last two days on Naked and Afraid. I shudder at the thought of bugs in my coochie.

Mom’s running late, and is getting bitchy at Dad like it’s his fault. He shakes his head. This happens a lot, and he’s used to it. We pile into the car and drive to the church. Dark clouds are gathering overhead. None of us say anything, but I know we’re all thinking it: Danielle is going to lose her shit if it rains.

Though Danielle isn’t originally from Mistwood, the small, beach community is picture perfect for her wedding. Any wedding, really. I’ve driven past this old place of worship many times but haven’t been inside. It’s white with a tall steeple that has a bell tower and flowering bushes around the church front.

It looks like something straight out of a Lifetime Movie Channel wedding special. I’m not expecting this ball of emotion to roll around like lead in my stomach, choking me up and bringing tears to my eyes. I blink and turn away from my parents, inhale then press forward and walk into the church behind them. I’m so happy for Jake, proud he manned up over the years and is ready to settle down and be a husband.

And I’m so pissed at myself for hurting Ben. For throwing away my chance at maybe—just maybe—being a wife someday. Another deep breath. Hold it. Let it out slow. Okay. I’m feeling a bit better.

Danielle is sitting on a stool near the altar, with her bridesmaids gathered around her. I would have been totally fine not being one. I’m only included because I’m Jake’s sister, not because Danielle and I have any sort of friendship going.

Zoey turns and gives me the side eye. Great. I’d nearly forgotten about her. I channel my inner Hermione once again, reminding myself that what is right isn’t always easy—thanks, Dumbledore for that one—and fake a smile. I go to the rest of the bridesmaids and tell Danielle she looks so pretty.

Ten awkward minutes tick by as we wait for the last to arrive, then start the rehearsal. It’s a standard church ceremony: we walk in, take our places at the altar, wait for the bride … blah, blah, blah … and then we get to sit for the church part of the wedding. Danielle is already crying as she walks down the aisle, carrying a bouquet of ribbons and bows. Then I see the way Jake is looking at her and, fuck, I’m a goner too. I hold in my tears, crying on the inside like a winner.