Only in Dreams(64)
Henry is sick. It’s a fact I’m going to have to accept and deal with. There’s a very real possibility that no matter how hard we fight this, he isn’t going to win. Every time the dark thoughts loom, my stomach begins to ache, and it isn’t just because of the fear. Something much worse is haunting me. Guilt.
Guilt ravages my thoughts. The times Christian and I had recently kissed replay over and over in my mind. The fact that I had been returning home to break Henry’s heart, it is becoming a burden I’m finding hard to carry. On multiple occasions I’ve considered sharing my transgressions with Henry, but I know him too well.
He already tried to provide me with a possible exit from our relationship. If he finds out about my regrettable mistakes with Christian, he will assume I’m marrying him out of pity and never allow the ceremony to happen. I can’t tell him.
In the past few days I’ve managed to distract myself with wedding details. Grandmother Wallace wanted to ensure all of the reception details were to my liking. Henry had always been a fan of their vacations in the Hamptons as a boy, so she wanted to bring the Hamptons to New York. I honestly could not have chosen anything better myself. As I see all the hard work she poured into the event I begin to regret the various control freak comments I’d made about the woman.
The menu is a traditional seaside lobster dinner, with long family-style seating, a request made by Henry. Even thought the guest list is quite extensive, he wants to do everything in his power to make it feel like an intimate celebration. The centerpieces contain touches of navy, white, and the gray from my bridesmaids dresses. She nailed the nautical details without it feeling like a cheesy, themed event.
Off to one side of the massive hall is a rustic rowboat with Henry and Paige painted along the side. For the evening’s events it will be loaded with ice and champagne. Staring at my reflection in the mirror before me, I can’t help wishing that the ceremony was over and Henry and I were on our way to the reception. I have this uneasy feeling that something is going to go wrong. That somehow I’m going to—
“Paige?” My breath catches in my throat when I hear the voice behind me. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, hoping it’s only my imagination. Then I hear it again. “Paige, it’s me. It’s Christian.”
What is he doing here? My heart is racing. Opening my eyes, I turn my head slowly and see him standing at the entrance of the dressing room. The look on his face is one of sadness, which I don’t think I’ve seen on him since his parents died.
I stand and turn to face him, a rush of panicked thoughts race through my mind. What if someone sees him? What if Henry sees him? How do I make him leave? Is this my dream from months ago coming true?
He doesn’t say a word. He just looks at me, as if he’s expecting me to explain myself. But there is nothing to explain. I already told him everything when I called. It was the day after Henry told me about the cancer. I’d had an entire night for the information to sink in, to understand what I was doing. I was even more confident in my choice. I wanted to be with Henry, to see him through the tough fight he had ahead of him. I knew if Christian found out about Henry’s illness, he would assume I’d made my choice out of some false sense of loyalty and reveal my slip-up in Texas to Henry.
Instead I told him a variation of the truth, leaving out the bit about Henry being sick. I explained that once I saw Henry and our home, I’d realized that I’d made a mistake. I told him how I loved Henry and wanted nothing more than to be his wife, and I was positive what had happened between us had been an error in judgment.
He tried to argue with me, but each time I interrupted him sharply, ensuring him there was no use. I ended the conversation with a very direct instruction. I told him if he cared about me in any way that he needed to let me be happy, and to please never contact me again. Perhaps he would have still tried to plead his case, but I didn’t give him the chance. I simply hung up, and prayed he would stay in my past.
But here he is now, staring at me. I widen my eyes, then in an irritated tone ask, “What are you doing here?”
He ignores my question and instead says, “My God, you look incredible.”
“You can’t be here,” I snap. I can’t let his compliments and charm affect me. It’s a weakness I have, and I won’t allow myself to betray Henry any more than I already have.
He moves closer to me. The room suddenly feels very tiny. Lifting his hands, he says, “You won’t answer my calls, so what was I supposed to do?”
“Exactly what I asked you to do,” I answer without hesitation. “I love Henry. You need to leave us alone. Let us be happy.”