Now or Never(44)

“Heading home. What are you doing?”

“Heading home,” she parroted back and it almost made Jay smile. If she was being a smart-ass, she must be feeling at least a little better. Then he remembered how she was getting home and his lips turned downward, instead.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” He hadn’t meant to snipe the word, but he knew his aim was true when she flinched. Damn him.

“Out.”

“Without you?” Jay tried to sound merely curious, but she knew him well enough that he knew his annoyance showed through.

“I didn’t feel like going.”

“And he couldn’t drive you home first?”

“I told him not to bother. It’s not that far and it’s a nice night.”

“He still should have taken you. It’s late, you shouldn’t be walking by yourself. Get in.”

“I really don’t—”

“Get in the car, Em.” He saw the fight coming in the way she narrowed her eyes, so he quickly added, “Please. Otherwise, I’m just going to have to follow you all the way home.”

Em shook her head—knowing full-well he meant every word—and climbed into the passenger’s seat, slamming the door behind her. Jay slid out into traffic and promptly got stuck at a red light.

“I don’t get it.” Jay picked at the fraying seams of the steering wheel, trying to avoid her gaze, but he still caught the confusion written in the scrunch of her brow. “Mason? I tell you to give someone else a chance, and you pick Mason Locklier?”

“I didn’t want to pick anyone. Ashlyn picked Mason, I just followed her advice. And yours.”

“You can do better, that’s all.”

“I know. But, better doesn’t want me anymore.”

Her words, though quiet, sliced through him cleaner than any blade. “Em . . .”

“Don’t. You don’t get to talk anymore tonight, Jay. I agreed to a ride, not a lecture. Just take me home. Please.”

For a moment he wondered what she meant. Was she asking him to take her home? Back to his place, their place, where they’d built a home together? The urge to turn around and take her there was so powerful for a moment his arms shook with the force of resisting it. That’s not what she meant, though. She wanted him to take her back to Ashlyn’s house. Home was just a figure of speech. It had no meaning anymore.





Chapter Twenty-four





Em



Em had been lying awake in bed since Jay dropped her off. She’d spent hours watching shadows play across the ceiling and the walls. Her head was torn in a thousand different directions, running a million miles an hours, full of questions and absolutely no answers.

She couldn’t understand this game they were playing. He told her to see other people, practically forced her away from him, and then disapproved of her choice? He told her to stop having feelings for him—as though that would ever be possible—and then showed up to comfort her? He held her in his arms, and then left her all over again?

The only thing not confused was her heart. It knew what it wanted and it wasn’t going to change its mind. Jay would always be the one written in each and every scar on her heart. He was the one who pieced it back together when she’d believed no one ever could. And it belonged to him. Always.

She understood his fear. Better than most, Em knew what it was like to think yourself unworthy of something. Of someone. She just hadn’t been able to comprehend that someone like Jay—someone so amazing, and courageous, and perfect—could ever feel that way. But that wasn’t what Jay saw when he looked in the mirror.

Tears misted Em’s eyes as she realized that he saw what she saw when she looked in the mirror. The scars. Not the ones on his back, but the one’s made on their souls. That’s all either of them could see. He’d tried to tell her again and again that he didn’t see her the way she saw herself. She’d never really believed him. But when she looked at him, she didn’t see the scars. All she saw was the man that bore them. The kind, generous, honorable, gentle man. The man that she loved with every beat of her heart. Pretending anything else to be true was cruel.

However the game ended, it ended today. She wasn’t playing anymore. It wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t fair to Jay. And it sure as hell wasn’t fair to Mason.

***

As if fate itself agreed with her goals, Mason was coming out as she pulled into the lot at Bart’s and parked.

“Hey, beautiful.” He opened her door, offering her a smile and a hand out. Why did he have to be so nice?

“Hey. Did you have fun last night?”

“I did. But I missed you. Wish you would have come with me.”