Now or Never(69)

Lowering his head, Jay ran his nose along hers and then brushed her lips with his. He was testing the waters. Testing her. Making sure this was really what she wanted. Em met his test with as much enthusiasm as she could, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his mouth more firmly against hers in a demanding kiss. It didn’t take long for her to coax the passion in him from a kindling spark to a roaring fire.

He didn’t rush. Their movements weren’t frantic and hurried. They took their time. Moving slowly, cautiously, one step at a time. Stopping now and then to catch their breath and revel in their new found closeness.

When nothing remained between them but skin, Jay sat back to take her in. It took everything she possessed not to pull up the blankets and cover herself from his hungry gaze combing every inch of her body. When Em looked at herself all she saw were the memories, the scars. All she felt was his slimy touch. Her skin was contaminated and putrid. To her, her body was nothing more than the source of her violation, a rotted vessel of pain and humiliation. It was nearly impossible not to want to hide that from the one person whose opinion mattered more to her than anything else in the world. But Jay didn’t see her that way. Somehow he saw past all of that.

“So beautiful.” His mumbled words were like a balm to the sore she’d just ripped open, soothing and healing her.

When the warm weight of his body covered her again, Jay allowed her to bear more of his weight. She held her breath, preparing for the fear to take over. Her heart rate increased and she could feel the sweat starting to dampen her palms.

“Are you okay? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I mean it. Just say the word, baby.” He looked down at her with such sincerity that it melted away whatever defenses remained between them.

“I’m all right. I’m ready now.”

He moved an inch and froze again. “You’re really sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure. I want this, Jay. I want you.”

Slowly, he pressed himself into her. There was pressure and Em braced herself, but he was infinitely gentle. Still, the flashes came. Memories swamping her mind, torturing her heart. The sickening scent of cologne and sweat. Callous hands, brutal body.

Then, Jay’s lips moved slowly along her jawline, up to her ear, and he started whispering. Quiet words of love and comfort. Promises of a future together and a happy life. The memories receded. Washed away by new thoughts and sensations. He held perfectly still until he felt her body relax beneath his, and then he started to move.

***

She’d never experienced anything like that before. Afterward, she lay on her side, wrapped tightly in Jay’s arms. Both of them still breathing hard.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m better than okay.” It was the truth. She’d never felt so relaxed in her entire life. Like her body had melted straight into the mattress. “That was . . . I want more of whatever that was.”

Jay’s chest rumbled with a deep chuckle as he squeezed her tighter.

“Christ, you’re so beautiful. And I don’t just mean your long, silky hair.” His fingers slid through her dark locks, fanning them over her bare shoulder. “Or your smooth, creamy skin.” His finger trailed a light path down her arm and back up her neck to her face. “Or your stunning blue eyes. Or that adorable little nose you like to scrunch up when you get annoyed with me.” He tapped the tip of her nose and she scrunched it just to see him smile. “I mean inside. Your heart, your soul. They’re beautiful. You’re a beautiful person, Em. I love you so much.”

Em wished she had beautiful words to give him in return. Words so perfect they would pierce his heart the way his had hers. Instead, she gave him the only words she had. The only words that mattered. “I love you, too.”