Now or Never(26)

“Em, listen to me.” Ducking his head to put them at eye level, he took her face gently between his palms. “I took you in when you had no one. Before me, you had no one. And no one since. Don’t you see? You have nothing to compare me to. No idea of what else is out there. What you’re missing. What you deserve. Things are different now. You’re safe now.” And he would die to make sure she stayed that way. He was, because this was killing him.

“Because of you.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It does!”

“It doesn’t! Listen to me, Em. You owe it to yourself to at least see. To give yourself the chance before it’s too late. You’ll see that I’m right.”

“I won’t!”

“Dammit, Em!” That girl could be so stubborn. “You have to at least try. You can’t just stay bound to me because of the past. You have to think about the future. Your future.”

“You’re my future, Jay.”

“That’s only because you haven’t allowed yourself to see any other options. Em, listen to me. Please, just listen. Give yourself some time. Take a chance. Just look around you and allow yourself to consider other possibilities.” The words tasted like acid in his throat. The very thought felt like a razor against his wrist, a noose around his neck. Losing her would be the death of him—he knew that—but her happiness was worth it. He’d sacrifice anything for that.

“But, I—”

“For me. Em, I need you to do this for me. I can’t spend my whole life feeling like I tricked you into loving me. That I took advantage of you when you were vulnerable and made you love me. Can you understand that?”

She didn’t. He could see it written all over her face. She wanted to argue, insist he was wrong some more—he could see that, too—but she didn’t. Instead, her shoulders slumped on a deep sigh and she just looked so incredibly tired. Even out on the streets he couldn’t remember her ever looking so . . . defeated.

He’d never hated winning an argument more. But this was what she needed. Whatever spell he’d cast on her out on the streets, he’d broken it. She’d see clearly now. See how bad he was for her. For anyone. She’d come to her senses and then the one thing he’d feared most since he first laid eyes on her would happen. He’d lose her.





Chapter Eighteen





Em



A loud crash had Em nearly jumping out of her skin and twisting away from Jay to glance out the small porthole window set in the swinging door at Sahara who was glaring at a plate on the floor as though it had broken her.

“Em?” With careful fingers Jay drew her back to him. His words had cracked her heart, but the look on his face destroyed it.

“Please don’t do this, Jay. Please.” Clasping his face between her palms, she pulled him closer until their lips were a mere inch apart. If he’d wanted to, he could have simply leaned forward and closed the gap. He didn’t. “Don’t push me away. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

Tears sprang into his eyes, but he blinked them away. “I’m so sorry, Em. I am so sorry. But, you’ll see I’m right.”

The clatter of dishes was overwhelming. The hum of conversation buzzed like an annoying insect trapped inside her head. She couldn’t think with him looking at her like that. Couldn’t breathe. She needed to breathe, to relieve the fire burning in her lungs and scorching her heart. What she needed was to get the hell out of there.

Retreating from his touch, Em fled across the restaurant, out the door, and across the lot to Ashlyn’s car without ever looking back. Not once. If she did, it would all fall apart.

He wanted her to move on? Fine, she’d show him moving on. After all, that’s what she did. She moved on from one epic disaster in her life to the next. She should be a pro by now.

“Are you okay?” Ashlyn’s voice brought her back to the present and Em realized she’d been seething quietly, staring out into the darkness through the passenger side window for most of the drive home.

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m fine.”

“What did he say?”

Em hesitated. Mentally she was spitting bullets, but if she tried to put voice to any of those thoughts she knew what would happen. She couldn’t cry anymore. “Nothing.”

Ashlyn didn’t push. Em respected that about her. She reminded Em a lot of Sam, always knowing just what to say and exactly when to say nothing at all. It must be some kind of sixth sense they both possessed. Idly, she wondered if she should call Sam. If anyone could talk some sense into Jay, it was him. But she couldn’t keep bothering him with all of her problems. He’d done more than enough for them already and remained a close friend. This was her mess to clean up and somehow she’d find a way to do it.