Night Shifts Black(24)

"What are you looking for?"

I give him a mischievous look, but pull away so he can't see what I'm doing. I click the link and set the phone on the counter.

As soon as the song starts, Casey glances at me in shock, the amusement fading from his eyes. My own mood shifts at the change, and I regret it, although I'm not sure how I would have known.



       
         
       
        

"That's the one song Luke talked about?" he asks. He doesn't seem angry, just surprised, maybe concerned.

I shrug. "In passing. It wasn't in reference to the song itself, but something about guitars and tuning? It just happened to be the only one I remembered."

Casey seems to relax, and it's my turn to be surprised. He forces a smile. "Yeah, the guys like to tune down half a step so they can play it open."

I have no idea what that means, but I don't want to remind him his whole world is a mystery to me.

"Who wrote this one?" I ask, and for some reason I'm prepared for his look this time. It only lasts a second before he glances away.

"All of us, like everything," he replies cryptically.

"Ok, then who had the original idea for it?"

Now I have his attention and meet his gaze with a steady look, daring him to brush me off again. I know it's not fair. I never would have forced a response from Luke and would have backtracked the second I realized I'd approached a controversial topic. Actually, no, I wouldn't have even asked the question in the first place. But somehow I know Casey is different. He can handle hard questions, even if he doesn't want to.

"What do you think of it?" he asks, deflecting again anyway.

I sigh and let him off the hook. "Honestly, it kind of sucks," I say. "I'm more of a country girl."

His face falls for a second, and then the grin breaks when mine does.

"Liar," he replies, and I laugh.

"Yeah. I'm kidding. Actually, I like it a lot. Not what I was expecting."

"Really? What were you expecting?"

I shrug. "I don't know, the way you guys talk, I thought it would just be lots of incoherent screaming and banging."

He laughs. "There's some of that."

I nod with a smile. "Yeah, but it's beautiful, too, in a way. I love the strings in the chorus. Right there! That part you can hear under Luke's voice." I quiet. "Wow. He's really good. Like, really, really good."

Casey seems amused again. "Shocking, huh? Bands generally prefer frontmen who can sing."

I roll my eyes. "That's not what I mean. I just never heard him doing his thing before, that's all. Well, that I recognized anyway. I never truly listened. It's like learning something new about him."

"Yeah, this is a pretty old one, too. That's why I was surprised Luke brought it up."

"He was talking about the time your gear got stolen from the motel parking lot."

Casey grunts and sits back. "Oh yeah. That sucked big time. We were all broke to begin with, and of course, those bastards took off with most of my stuff." 

"Luke said they took the stuff they recognized."

Casey nods. "Yes, and apparently drums and symbols are pretty obvious even in their cases."

"Well, thankfully you've recovered."

"Interesting choice."

Casey and I are both startled by the new voice, and turn to see Luke shuffling toward us, disheveled but alert.

"You couldn't at least play our good stuff for her?"

"She picked it," Casey defends.

"I like it," I say. "Besides we were actually reminiscing about your gear getting stolen."

"Please tell me your reminiscing includes coffee," Luke mumbles.

"Here, dude," Casey says, passing him the carafe. "There's food, too."

Luke grimaces and pours a cup. "Let's go with coffee first."

We're quiet for a moment and the song finishes, forcing the silence even louder. None of us knows how to begin. Especially, since we're not sure which Luke we have with us at the moment.

"You know, Casey wrote most of that one," Luke announces, and I'm not surprised based on our earlier interaction.

Casey just shrugs. "Black sheep, right?" he says with a quick smile of explanation. I have mercy on him and return it. I remember what Luke had said about the meaning of the song, and realize Casey must have a story I'll need to hear one day, too.

"It's basically what got us signed," Luke continues.

"Well, that and our devastating good looks," Casey jokes, not even acknowledging Luke's praise. I roll my eyes, and he grins, although he's probably not far from the truth. It certainly wouldn't have hurt.

"She thinks it's pretty," Casey continues, and a knowing smile flashes across Luke's face.

"Pretty? 'Argyle?' She would."

"I would? What's that supposed to mean?" I counter.

Luke shrugs lightly. "Nothing, I'm just not surprised, that's all."

I blush a little, not sure what he means by that. "Well, excuse me if I'm not dark and depressing enough for you edgy rockers."

Luke and Casey exchange another grin, and I cross my arms. "What? What did I do now?"

"Nothing," Luke replies.

I glance to Casey, but he just shrugs and looks like he's stifling a laugh.

I glare at them both. "Fine. I should probably get going anyway," I retort.

"Callie … " Casey grabs my arm as I pass. "We didn't … "

I pull away and continue on.

"Callie!"

I know I'm being childish as I hide in the extra room, but deep down I'm also smarting from the nerve they struck. The truth is, I really am self-conscious about the fact that I don't fit in. I act like I'm confident and don't care, and maybe a lot of the time that's true, but sometimes, moments like today when I'm tired and coming off a string of trials, I'm too exhausted to be the ambassador. Sometimes I just want them to try to come into my world for once.

A knock interrupts my thoughts, and I glare at the door. I don't respond, but it doesn't matter, and I'm surprised when it's Luke who pokes his head in. He gives me an apologetic look and completes the journey into the room. I still don't say anything, but shift a bit so he can sit beside me.

"You know we fought over who would come in here," he begins, and I'm not sure how that helps.

"You lost, I guess?"

He looks surprised and laughs. "No, I won!" he cries in exasperation. "God, Callie, don't you get it? We don't want you to be like us! We want you to think our music is pretty and tell us when we're being assholes. You have to stop thinking that the gap that separates us is because of a shortcoming on your part. Did you ever think that it might be on ours?"



       
         
       
        

I swallow, floored by his words for so many reasons.

He lets out his breath, staring at the floor. "I can be a major pain-in-the-ass. I know that. Last night … " He shakes his head, and I'm not about to correct him. "Anyway, my point is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for last night. I'm sorry for this morning. I have a ton of issues, but I never want you to think you're one of them, ok?"

I finally allow myself to glance over at him, and all the fear, and longing, and pain, and confusion come rushing back into me at once. I don't know what to do with it as my eyes fill and I lean into him. Luke wraps his arms around me in return, and I hold on, terrified that I will lose him one day.

"I was so scared last night," I whisper into his shirt. I pull back slightly, and look up into his face. "I didn't know … I mean, you … I hated seeing you like that."

He looks away, and I catch a glimpse of all the agony that led to last night before he tucks it out of view. I let him go, and he squeezes my hand gently before retreating into himself and facing the wall again.

"That used to be normal."

"I know."

He glances at me sharply. "Casey told you."

"Casey loves you and is probably the best friend you have."

Luke seems skeptical, and I shake my head. "No. You need to listen to me, Luke. Last night it was Casey who took care of you, not me. It was Casey who wiped the puke off your face and nursed you back to health." I pause. "You need to let him back into your life."

Luke's expression hardens. "I can't."

As does mine. "You have to."

"You don't understand."

I shrug. "Ok, then explain it to me. We're past the 'no personal stuff.'"

Luke shakes his head and won't look at me.

"He's a good person, Luke. And after what I saw last night, I'd venture to say, better than both of us."

Luke shakes his head again, looking like he wants to speak but can't. Or won't.

"What? I don't know if maybe you've had a falling out in the past, but he wants to make it right again. He wants to be a part of your life."

Luke glares at me, and it's then that I see the self-loathing Casey was talking about. It's so vivid I almost gasp.

"He can't be part of my life. I'm not doing that to him again," he hisses. Then rises from the bed.

I watch him leave in stunned silence.



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