Never Been Nerdy(81)
“You’ve never been in one, well, other than me. And you know that I’m actually an amazing boyfriend. Look at me, I cook, I don’t mind massaging your feet after you wear those damn shoes all day long, and I’m cool with hanging out at home instead of pissing away my money buying bottles.”
Being a homebody with Dean sounds absolutely perfect. But it’s a mirage, a joke – it’s just not real.
“You’re hot, I’ll give you that,” I say, trying to be flippant.
He can’t be serious. But, what if he is? He knows you can’t give him more, but he wants to go ahead anyway? Is he crazy?!
“Don’t forget hilarious. But I’m still mysterious as fuck. I live in the shadows.”
“Dean, you couldn’t be a badass even if you tried. It’s just not in you.”
He looks at me with surprise. “I basically look like Thor, I don’t know why you wouldn’t call me a badass. You’ve seen The Avengers?”
I nod. “Sera dragged me on opening night and was making fangirl noises the whole time.”
“Damn straight. It was an excellent movie. Guardians of the Galaxy topped it, in my humble opinion, but you say something as definitive as that at a comic convention, and there will be blood.”
“Okay...”
Dean runs a hand through his hair again, scratches his jaw. “But I’m no Loki. That dude has enough issues to fill the Grand Canyon, but chicks dig him anyway. Why is that, you think?”
I shrug, not sure where this is going. Not really caring in the end, because I like talking to Dean, I like hearing what he has to say on any subject.
“I don’t know. Women, talking in broad sweeps of generalization here, like men who are broken – we want to fix them.”
Sera’s done the same thing with Hunter, even if she doesn’t want to admit it. Shit, I can’t believe I compared her to my mom. I can’t believe I said those things.
“That just sucks for all of us well-adjusted dudes. We’re not broken enough, and we’re not rich enough for the upper crust.”
“Upper crust?”
Dean smiles at me, but it’s really nothing more than placating. “Women like you, kitten, who have everything. You’re independent, like goddesses that look down at the rest of us. You don’t need us, and that’s a scary thing.”
“What are you saying?”
“I was in love, once. It ended; she wanted something more, something better, and I don’t begrudge her that. I just wish somebody would tell her that perfect doesn’t exist, and that money isn’t everything.”
“I’ll tell her! What’s her name?! I’ll call that bitch right now!”
Dean shakes his head, grinning. “So you do care about me... even if it’s just a little bit.”
I freeze. Have I been so transparent? “No, no I don’t.”
Deny, deny, deny. It’s what you’re good at.
“You’re a cool guy and I enjoy hanging out with you.”
“Yeah, you do. I’m awesome. But you still don’t know my deepest and darkest secret.”
“You’re secretly a ninja assassin?”
Dean shakes his head, and the way he swallows nervously has unease creeping along my skin. “Nothing as cool as that. This is really hard for me to say...”
Realization hits me with the force of a Mustang hitting a brick wall.
“Oh my God, you’re really actually gay! You’ve been lying this whole time, and letting me maul you!” I’m burning red. The guy can’t even appreciate a good pair of breasts and that’s upsetting, but whatever.
“Shit, I’m not gay, kitten. I want to fuck you, but I’m not an animal, and my dad raised me better than that.”
My whole body gets inundated with want, and my breathing picks up a notch. “Shit...”
“I want you, kitten, I don’t think I’ve ever stopped. Not completely, anyway.” He brushes some hair behind my ear, so gentle, so careful. My heart does weird things in my chest, and I have to swallow past the tightness in my throat.
“Like I said, you’re not ready for this yet. Even if you seriously want it from me.”
“You’re being a tease, and playing mind games. I don’t like that.”
Dean smiles, kissing the tip of my nose. “You’re beautiful, and bossy and I fucking love that. But if we want to go ahead with this, with a ‘you and me’, we need to go careful. I’m a forever kind of guy, and you don’t believe in it. I’m up for the challenge of trying to convince you, though.”
“Dean... I’m going to hurt you, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but I will end up hurting you and have to leave you behind. I’m going to hurt you when you least expect it and when it matters most.”