Never Been Nerdy(79)

“Keep going,” she whispers, watching me intently.

“Don’t you know, Delos? In the real world, love doesn’t exist. And you’re going to learn that the hard way, and I don’t want to be there so you won’t be able to blame me when it all gets blown to shit.”

“I feel sorry for you, K. Really, I do.”

I shake myself, and take a step back so I don’t slap her. Her feel sorry for me? Yeah, right.

“I feel sorry for you because you’re just a lonely little shit incapable of voicing your feelings and being brave enough to tell someone you care about them. I know you’re falling for Dean, Katie. You’ve never really fallen out of love with him, after all these years. And that scares the fucking shit out of you,” she tells me, index finger jabbing into my shoulder.

“That somebody might have a piece of you, that you can be connected to someone in that way freaks you out because of what your mom did to your dad. Well, grow up, K. Grow the fuck up and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you, and that love does exist. It’s the only thing keeping me from killing you right now. The only fucking thing.”

I slap her hand away from me. I’m breathing like I’ve raced with Usain Bolt and won; my hands are curled into fists and I’m clenching my jaw so tight I’m sure it’ll pop out of place real soon.

“Dean has nothing to do with this. I’m not falling for him! Don’t you think I would know that shit?”

Sera pushes on my shoulder and I take a step back. Pressure builds behind my eyes, and a switch gets thrown off that makes me go into violent mode. I move to push her back, but she knocks my hand away with her wrist.

Someone’s been watching too much Karate Kid.

“You’re being an idiot. You’re not the only person carrying around hurt! You’re not the only person who’s ever felt like shit after a divorce! What gives you the right to make me feel like shit after I lost Hunter’s baby? Who the fuck do you think you are, Katie? God damn it, what’s happened to you? So you’re mom’s remarrying. Who gives a shit?” Sera growls, and her fists are dangerously close up to her face like she’s going to knock me out for real.

I’m shaking, my muscles just need an order for me to beat the shit out of her. I don’t want to listen anymore. My hands shoot out and grab the fabric of her shirt at her throat. Sera’s hands drop to her sides, and her eyes dare me to do some real damage. I yell in her face and shake her.

’m going to explode into a million pieces if I don’t keep this locked down, if I tell her the truth, if I give voice to it.

But it comes clawing out of me, ripping out my throat and into the air.

“We weren’t enough! My Dad and I weren’t enough to keep her happy! Don’t you see, you stupid idiot? I’m Matty and Hunter’s my Dad and you’re going to find someone who’s better than they are, who’s healthier, stronger, better-looking, not going to rack up the bills with all their meds. I won’t let you ruin him, Sera. Don’t get married, don’t make this a semi-permanent thing that’s going to fuck Matty up for the rest of his life. Don’t do it, have a fucking heart.”

Tears start spilling down my face and Sera just watches me, face devoid of any kind of Delos emotion that I’ve been so used to.

I’ve been keeping the truth hidden, even from myself.

“You’re a coward, K. A fucking coward. Get out of my house.” Sera says through clenched teeth.

I let go of her so fast my knuckles crack and I practically run over to my heels and slip them on. I’m out the door in another three seconds and I’m running, running, running, with no real finish line in sight.



***





“Hello?” I croak into my phone.

My voice is raw from screaming into my pillow, and my ears are sore from blasting my rock music over the earphones so loud. I nearly stopped breathing when my phone buzzed in my hand, but swiped to answer it before I could look at the Caller ID.

“Hey, kitten. You sick or something? You don’t sound good. Want me to bring you some chicken soup?”

“No, Dean, I’m okay. I just need to sleep.”

“Oh,” he says, absolutely crestfallen. He clears his throat. “Well, could you come open your door anyway, my fingerprints are being stripped off from the searing heat of the exceptional meal I made for us.”

I sigh. I really just wanted to be left alone. “Dean, I’m not in the mood for company.”

“This doesn’t solve the problem of me about to be losing my fingers all in the name of good food.”

“Ugh, fine. Just wait a second.”