Never Been Loved(96)

My chest aches and I rub my pecs, trying to get the pain to go away. She sounds unbelievably hurt, and it’s all my fault.

If she lets you back into her life after this, you better make sure she never regrets the decision.

I exhale and dive in. “No one’s ever taken care of us.”

Sera’s quiet, but I just keep talking anyway.

“No one’s ever gotten us anything as a gift, baby. You’re the first. And I was so fucking mad that you did it, like it was charity- Like you felt sorry for us. I thought you noticed the clothes I have to buy Matty since my salary isn’t what I’ve come from. I try my best, you have to believe me. I do the best I can by him, and sometimes it’s not enough.

“His jeans and shoes and shirts aren’t custom made. I can’t afford to spend money on brands and shit because we have to eat, and my car constantly has fucking problems with it, and I-” My voice cracks, like I’m a stupid teenager again. “I started taking it out on you, like you were shoving it in my face, that I wasn’t good enough.”

Keep going. Don’t forget the begging for right after you’re done.

“I’m a fucking asshole, Sera. I tried to stay away from you, to keep you away from the hell my life is, what it’s become. You need a man who can take care of you, who can afford to let you stay at home with a house full of kids and you can do whatever you want. A man who can buy you all the nerdy shirts the internet has to offer. I’m so tired of my life.”

Sera whimpers on the other side of the phone and it feels like my guts are being ripped from my body. I’ve caused her pain and now I’m in agony. I rub a hand over my hair, and stare straight ahead while guys move around to do work around me.

Fuck that, this is important, and I could use the break.

“I’m such a tool. Are you crying because of me? I’m sorry, Sera, Christ, I’m sorry. I won’t call you again.”

It’s better this way.

Better for everyone.

Except the kid’s going to be heartbroken and he’ll start crying once I break the truth to him. That’s fine, though, ’cause I have a feeling we can both be miserable together.

Misery does love company, the fucker.





Chapter 26



I’m at the kitchen sink, washing the shit off my hands, trying to figure out how to tell Matty that I’m a fuck-up and I ruined the one good thing he has in his life.

I don’t want to do it, and it’d be the best thing if I could just forget to mention it until he asks, but I’m tired of being a coward.

That is, until Sera comes barrelling into my place, and I feel like she’s got my balls in her hands and I’m begging with my mute mouth for her not to tear them off me.

“I need to talk to you,” she orders, pointing at me with enough authority that I’m afraid of what’s going to happen next. “In your room. Now.”

Once in my bedroom, I’m ordered to sit on my mattress and look up at her.

Her hair’s down, and the top button on her blouse is undone, giving me a peek, but I need to fucking focus or else I’m going to ruin this again. Her glasses haven’t slipped down her nose yet, and her chin is set in a stubborn line.

I’m in for it.

And I find it so fucking sexy I’m definitely having trouble concentrating. Until I get to her eyes, until I see how much I’ve hurt her.

You’re such an asshole.

Sera surprises me when she crawls into my lap and starts hugging me tight and hard against her body. My dick’s all ready to go.

“You’re a jerk, Hunt. Frak, you’re a jerk. Why did you have to yell at me? You could’ve just told me what was on your mind, and I would’ve been okay with it,” she tells me, breathing in my ear.

Down, Junior. Now’s not the time.

I get my arms around her slowly, giving her enough time to scamper off me without hurting my feelings. Yeah the fuck right, everything she does has me twisted in knots, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

I know what’s going on.

Winning Sera’s trust is like winning the gold, while I’m eighth place on a good day when my sugars don’t mess with me.

I’m probably going to go blind one day; I might even lose a leg. My diabetes is slowly killing me and I’m not helping myself by not controlling my sugars. There’s still a part of me that doesn’t want Sera involved with both the kid and me.

We’re not good for her.

She needs someone so much better than I can offer, and that’s the truth.

Doesn’t mean I have to swallow it and lie there like I’m already fucking dead.

“Just don’t give up on me.” I squeeze her against me, trying to tell her how much I want and need her without screwing it up again. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that. I told you I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to treat you right.”