Never Been Loved(95)

“If you don’t call me at least two times today so I know you’re okay, I’m going to make the Daleks look like fluffy little poodles. You get me, Hunt?”

Oh, fuck, she’s being cute again. “I don’t know what a Dalek is.”

She shows me her teeth. “The Daleks are an alien race that have had every emotion removed from them except hate. They hate all non-Dalek life, and will conquer and destroy all of it. You piss me off today, and things will not go well.”

Wow. This has to be one of her shows. I look away, ’cause you know, that shit is funny, but I lose the fight and end up cracking a full smile, and feeling better ’cause she’s who she is.

“I’ll call you. Christ, how do you get me to laugh when I don’t want to?”

“I put a spell on you.”

I don’t know where that’s from, but it doesn’t matter. She’s got me –through thick and thin.

I open my mouth to tell her how much she’s come to mean to me these past few months, how much she means to both me and Matty. But I shut it real quick when I think of us standing outside, on a fucking sidewalk, and she’s not even surrounded by roses, or flowers, or chocolates shaped in some nerd-thing she absolutely loves. I settle for letting our mouths touch then I have to let her go.

I have to get the kid to daycare.

Sera’s eyes pop wide, and her mouth firms up like she’s trying to keep herself from laughing or screaming.

“I’m expecting you after dinner, baby,” I whisper against her lips.

She grunts which I’m taking for a yes. I have to kiss her one more time, then I make myself move to get the kid to where he needs to be.

I watch her get smaller in the rear-view mirror then look towards the road to get my head in gear.

Once I get Matty inside his ‘school’, as he likes to call it, and wave goodbye for a solid two minutes before he turns to play with his friends, I get into my car and have some thinking to do.

Do I want to pursue a life with Sera? Fuck yes.

Am I going to fuck up? Uh, yeah.

Am I going to make it up to her? With every ounce of energy I have.

I just need to keep my cool, and do nothing else to remind her that she’s better off with another guy – with a healthy guy that doesn’t have a kid to contend with, who also happens to be sick like me.

Jules, what do I do now?

Of course, my sister doesn’t answer, and I have to go it alone, just like it’s been for the past ten years.





Weeks and weeks after I vowed to be good to her, I inevitably fucked up.

It was bound to happen. Something was gonna twist my boxers and I was gonna blow up because I’m an asshole and I’ve been doing this for too long by myself that I didn’t even consider how it would make Sera feel.

All she did was buy him a shirt and I lost my shit. Absolutely, certifiably lost it.

I’m a fucking dick.

Now I have to grovel, and I’m okay with that. Sera deserves me walking across glass shards so I can get her forgiveness. I mean, why the fuck did I blow up like that?

Why am I such a tool?

You’re human, asshole. Just pray that she forgives you. Pray damn hard.

Just pick up the phone. All you have to do is pick up the phone. Try to convince her that you’re worth something to her, that she’s going to benefit from having you in her life.

It’s the only way this is going to end well.

You’re sabotaging yourself, man. What the hell for?

Not everyone is Aly.

Yeah, not everyone sees what she sees.

I pull my head out of my ass, but it’s a hard thing to do. I’m stuck in my ways. Not that that’s a legit excuse, but rather it’s making me feel a whole lot better right now.

What a fucking tool I am.

Just pick up the phone and tell her how sorry you are. Just say the words and hope that you haven’t fucked this whole thing in the ass raw.

I have to take a deep breath to call her extension after spending an hour searching the whole damn directory.

“Don’t hang up on me, I’ve been spent all morning trying to find your extension.”

Goddamn it, stop being an asshole.

I can’t help it. It’s my default.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Sera says. “Hence the not answering your calls or texts.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid, Sera. I had a reason for being pissed last night.”

You’re not ingratiating yourself, asshole.

I’m defensive. I don’t want to talk about this on the phone. I need to see her face-to-face, I need to hold her hand, and I need to make her believe me with more than just my voice. Christ, how did I get in this deep?

“I don’t fraking care that you had a reason. You didn’t have to shout at me, and I won’t let you do it again.”