My Guardian Angel(75)

I could no longer block out the vivid images that haunted me. They came to me in my dreams and played out over and over again. What would Kassia do if she ever found out the kind of fucker I was? That fuckin’bquestion burned into my mind every day I was with her. When she came back into the living room that night and I saw her standing in front of me, the little dam I had built up to protect her and I broke. The way she held me, the way her warm, little body felt in my arms. Her soft lips, as they finally touched mine. I lost all my power and took what I kept denying I wanted. Fuck the consequences. I’d deal with them later if it meant I could have my girl with me.

It destroyed me the day she found out who I really was. My whole world came apart. I thought she would never remember. But she did. The look on her face when our eyes met shattered my soul. “It was you,” I remember her saying. I knew then and there she and I were over.

I fought hard to give her space, but I needed her. Something inside me needed what she could give me. Just like her, I was prepared to give her whatever she wanted, as long as I could be near her.

Darios wasn’t the happiest when we finally met after she found out. He blamed me for bringing back memories that Kassia didn’t want to remember. I told him that I loved her and I wanted her safe. That fuckin’ stalker scared the living shit out of me. Both Darios and I agreed to keep watch over her. She wanted nothing to do with us, but at least we could come together and protect her.

The moment I found out she was taken, I lost my fuckin’ mind. The guys at work had to corner me, as I broke everything in sight. They had to finally pin me down and remind me that she was out there, all alone without protection. My body shook violently as I stood there at a loss at what to do. Thank God, she had her phone on her that night. It was Gab who reminded me about it. I was able to put a tracking device behind her case when she didn’t notice. That fucker Frank must have just wanted her and didn’t bother to think about her phone.

I called even though the guys told me not to. I needed to hear her voice, to know she was safe. But the guys were right. Just hearing her and how scared she sounded was my undoing. I felt hopeless the moment Frank screamed on the phone and hung up. Images of Kassia being hurt whirled through my mind. I was helpless. I had told her I would protect her and I didn’t. I fuckin’ failed.

When we reached the warehouse, I was told to stay back. I had no choice except to do so. My commanding officer ordered it. I watched as they barged in. I heard three shots. My blood ran cold and I ran inside to see. There she was screaming. Frank’s body had fallen on top of hers. She kept kicking, trying to get him off. I ran to her. One of the guys took him off her, while Gab cut her tie wraps. Her wrists were bleeding. Her face was swollen and bludgeoned. The fucker beat her so badly. My blood pressure rose, but I needed to stay calm. I took her in my arms and held her. She finally relaxed and cried like a little baby. I carried her to the gurney, but she wouldn’t let go. She held onto me so tightly like I was the only thing that mattered. I was such a prick when I promised her I wouldn’t ever let go. I knew that night that I was going to leave Kassia for good, but like a dirty fucker I promised her I wouldn’t.

I took the time to care for her while she was in the hospital. I kept my distance, but I still couldn’t be completely cold to her. How could I? This woman owned me. I watched her every day, fighting to get back to her life. Something inside her had shifted. The quiet Kassia, who was a slight recluse, was now changing.

The day we found out she was going to be discharged from the hospital was the day I decided to cut my ties with the woman I loved more than my own self. I sat at home knowing she was going to figure it out soon. That Darios would tell her what I told him to say. My heart wrenched at the thought of her hurting, but I was trying to be noble, trying to do the right thing. I had basically cut her out of every aspect of my life. I blackballed her, like she said. I needed to. How could I say that I loved her, when here I was, a man who failed to protect his woman?

I was able to avoid her. It worked for a while, until the stubborn woman appeared in front of my condo building. The fuckin’ doorman, the idiot! I know I had told him she wasn’t allowed inside, but he could have taken pity on her. The fucker left her out there for hours. I had walked in and asked him how long she was out there for. When he said over six hours I nearly lost it on him. I went back outside to see her shaking. She was crying. This was going to be it. The Kassia I knew was going to leave, go home and move on. But she wasn’t the Kassia I knew anymore. She stood her ground and fought for us. The moment I saw her I instinctively took her hand. She was frozen. Stupid girl. I bit my tongue, trying desperately not to yell at her. I had to act aloof, distant and then maybe that way she would give up and finally leave.