More than Exist(48)

“Yeah,” I replied, my heart beginning to slow and reason returning to my head. What am I doing? I thought as I sat up abruptly.

I stood and acted like I was smoothing down my clothes, but I was really trying to figure out how to face Luke after my enthusiastic display.

I was so confused…

Something dark caught the corner of my eye, and I turned to see Luke’s hat floating by in the water. I brought my hand to my mouth, stifling back a giggle as I caught Luke’s eye and said, “I’m so sorry.”

I must have knocked his hat off his head and into the water when I’d had the visceral need to have my hands in his hair.

Luke grinned and ran a hand over his ruffled hair. “That’s okay, I’ve got plenty.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to fish it out?” I offered, feeling bad.

We were back on Skywalker when Luke said, “I really like you, Belle.”

My stomach clenched, and I was glad he was sitting behind me and couldn’t see my face. I was sure my uncertainty was obvious.

When I didn’t say anything, he pressed on, “I know you have a lot going on, but I’d like to see what’s between us, and where it may lead. I’d like to think, after what just happened, that you feel the same way, but if you don’t, please just be honest with me.”

Although I was a jumble of emotions, I wouldn’t lie to Luke and tell him I didn’t feel something, because although it was mixed in with the guilt, fear, and doubt, I was more than just attracted to him.

“I like you too,” I began, then added, “But…”

“No, no but. That’s enough for now.” I could hear the smile in Luke’s voice, and I worried about getting his hopes up, when I had no idea what I wanted.

When we cantered around to the front of the house, I felt my stomach dip when I saw that Matty was already home, and the guilt hit again that I was off making out with his father, rather then being where I was supposed to be. Then, my world tilted when I saw that sitting next to him on the porch, was Ms. Lucille.





Chapter 34





I can admit now that I panicked. I kind of lost it.

With everything that had just happened at the pond between Luke and myself, then with both of us admitting that we had feelings with each other, I was in a fragile state. My emotions were on my sleeve, and seeing Ms. Lucille sitting on the porch with Matty turned the blood in my veins to ice and I ran.

Not literally. I mean, I didn’t take off running like a crazy person, but I didn’t stick around either.

I plastered a smile on my face for Matty and Lucille, and went inside. I could hear Lucille tell Luke that they needed to talk, after he asked how her grandchild was, but I lost the strains of their voices as I hurried down the hall to my room.

I grabbed my purse and my keys, then rushed unseen out the back door and got in my car. I didn’t look to see the expressions on their faces as I drove past the house and down Luke’s street, instead keeping my eyes straight as my heart pounded loudly in my chest.

This is what I’d been afraid of … Right when I let my guard down and admitted that I was falling for the man of Hope Heals Ranch, it was all going to be taken away from me, just like Ricky.

I drove into Charleston in full panic mode, not even knowing my destination, just knowing I needed to be as far away from Ms. Lucille’s welcome home as possible.

And that made me feel guilty too. Why shouldn’t they be happy to have Ms. Lucille home? She’d been there first. She’d worked at that ranch for most of her life, and was deeply ingrained in their family. It was hateful for me to wish she hadn’t come back. I knew that, but couldn’t help feeling it anyway.

I parked in the same lot that Ginger and I had been to less than a week before and walked. I thought and walked until I was in the same row of restaurants and bars that we’d eaten at with Jones.

I paused in front of an Irish pub, standing outside the door looking in, for probably longer than was normal, weighing my options.

I should call Sarah. We’d spoken after Ginger left, and she was pleased that all of my friends made such an effort to shield me from drinking. She didn’t think I should feel bad about it at all, but rather I should be grateful that I had people in my life who cared about me that much.

I didn’t want to call Sarah, because I knew she’d tell me not to go in the pub.

I went in the pub.

I love bars and clubs, but nothing beats the feel of a pub. The warm feel of the wood, the catchy music playing in the background, and the sight of a bartender chatting up his patrons, as he pulled a pint of Guinness.

I’d always loved going to pubs the most. Ricky and I had a favorite one in San Diego, and would go there to meet friends, or to just hang out and chat with each other as we enjoyed a Black & Tan.