More Than a Convenient Bride(27)

Maybe he didn't have a choice.

Looking thoughtful, Drew said, "Maybe what you need to do is shake her tree a little, see what falls out."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Nudge her out of her comfort zone. See what she does."

"And how would I do that?"

He shrugged. "She's your wife. You know her better than anyone. You'll think of something."

Luc thought he knew her. Now he wasn't so sure. Maybe all this time he'd only been letting her see what she wanted him to see.

Maybe deep down he didn't know her at all.





 Sixteen

Sunday was supposed to be Julie and Luc's special day, but he spent  the majority of it in bed nursing a hangover. They had planned to have  breakfast at the diner, then check out the recently reopened organic  produce store to buy fresh flowers. After their food settled they  would take a long walk in the park. Then maybe they would head back  home for some afternoon "exercise." Later he would take her to dinner,  then it was back home to make love again.

Instead Luc spent Sunday in bed nursing a hangover. It didn't take a genius to know why Luc had gone out and gotten hammered.

She knew that sleeping in his bed had been a bad idea. She should  have listened to her instincts. She'd given him the wrong impression,  led him on. She'd made him fool himself into believing that he was in  love with her. But men confused sex with love all of the time, right?  Or was it the other way around?

Either way, she would be sleeping in her own bed from now on.

She and Luc barely said two words to each other all day. She slept in  her own bed that night, though she didn't do all that much sleeping.  Luc didn't even try to talk her into staying with him, and when she  kissed him good-night his lips felt so cold. So passionless. She knew  that in a day or two he would realize what a huge mistake he'd almost  made thinking they should take their relationship to the next level.  He would realize that they were better off as just friends, then  everything would go back to normal. Everything would be okay.

The kind of baggage Julie carried around wasn't so easily shed. And  the idea of opening those bags and rooting through the traumatic events  of her childhood made her feel sick to her stomach.

* * *

Monday dragged by, and every time Julie tried to see or call Luc he  was too busy to be disturbed. He was still upset. She got that, but he  was going to have to let it go at some point, so they could get back to  being best friends. One day of the silent treatment had taken its  toll. She missed him. She just wanted things to go back to the way  they used to be. Friends with benefits. Hell, if it meant restoring  their friendship to its previous, uncomplicated manifestation, she  would even be willing to end their physical relationship. Though that  would seriously suck.

Tonight, she decided. After dinner she would take him aside and offer  to have that talk he wanted. Now that he'd had a few days to think it  over, she was positive he would agree that it was best for both of them  if they just kept going the way they had been.

The only bright spot of the day was when she stopped in Tommy's room  to find Amelia next to her sleeping son's bed, tears in her eyes.                       
       
           



       

Julie's heart sank. Was his infection worse? Would they be postponing the surgery? "What happened?"

Amelia turned to her and smiled. "His white count is back to normal.  They're going ahead with the surgery tomorrow morning at seven a.m.!"

Julie was thrilled for Amelia and Tommy, but her happiness deflated  like a balloon when she realized what that meant for her and Luc. With  such a delicate surgery on his schedule, the last thing Luc needed was  to be distracted by their marital issues. That conversation they were  supposed to have would have to wait.

The day of Tommy's surgery, Julie left Houdini in Elizabeth's capable  hands and drove to the hospital early, intending to spend her morning  waiting with Amelia in her son's room.

She'd heard Luc getting ready for work, but stayed in her room until  after he left. She didn't want to risk a confrontation on this very  important morning. Besides, after having two whole days to think about  it, he would come around. She knew he would. He just needed time to  realize the mistake he'd made letting his heart overrule his head.  Then they could go back to being best friends.

* * *

Julie stopped in the cafeteria for coffee and doughnuts on the way  up, and by the time she got to Tommy's room they had already wheeled  him out for surgery. Amelia was sitting cross-legged on her air  mattress, looking surprisingly well-rested and calm.

Julie handed her one of the coffees and offered her a doughnut. "I figured you could use this. One cream, two sugars, right?"

"You're a goddess," Amelia said, taking them from her. "How are things going?"

Julie sat in the visitors chair by the window. "Good."

"Luc came in to see me a little while ago," Amelia told her, and at  the mere mention of his name Julie's heart dropped. It had been doing  that a lot-pretty much every time she thought of him or heard someone  say his name. "He explained what will happen during the surgery, and  what to expect when Tommy is out of recovery," Amelia was saying, and  Julie struggled to stay focused, but all she could think about was her  looming conversation with Luc. "I'm still nervous of course, but I  know that Tommy is in good hands. I'm more concerned about the pain  he'll be in afterward, and the physical therapy he'll go through."

Speaking of being nervous...

She and Luc had barely talked since Saturday. What if he'd had  enough? Would he back out on their deal and ask her for a divorce?

Of course he wouldn't. But it didn't hurt to prepare herself for the worst. Everyone should have a backup plan.

How could things go from blissful perfection to so unbearably confusing so damned fast?

Julie left briefly to get them lunch from the cafeteria, and when she came back, Amelia was beaming.

"You just missed Luc."

Down her heart went into her stomach again.

"How did it go?" she asked, even though Amelia's relief was explanation enough.

"The surgery was a success and Tommy is in Recovery and doing great."

"That's wonderful news," she said, hugging Amelia. With the surgery over and declared a success, it was time to talk to Luc.

After Tommy had been returned to his room and settled in, Julie went  by Luc's office, almost hoping he wouldn't be there. But he was. He sat  at his desk, chair turned toward the window, his back to her, hands  folded in his lap.

It took all of her courage to step inside and close the door, and if Luc was aware of her presence, he didn't let on.

"Hey," she said, so nervous that her hands were trembling.

"Hey," he replied, not turning around. Not even moving.

"Can we talk?"

He swiveled around to face her. He wasn't smiling. He wasn't  frowning, either. His features looked frozen in a nonexpression, his  eyes blank. "About what?"

"This thing happening between us."

"You mean love?"

She cringed.

He shook his head, looking so disappointed. "You can't even stand to hear me say it, can you?"                       
       
           



       

"It's not that. I just..."

"Don't bother trying to explain. I know you well enough to recognize when you're running away."

She could understand why it might look that way. But she didn't want to go anywhere. "I'm not, I swear."

"You just don't trust me."

Why would he think that? After all they had been through. "That's not true."

"Isn't it? Then tell me why you kept your condo?"

She bit her lip, unsure of how to answer, to make him understand.

"Speechless?" he asked. "Always have a backup plan. Isn't that what  you've always told me? I just never imagined you would need a backup  plan from me."

To deny it would be a lie. And it sounded horrible when he said it like that.

He leaned forward in his chair. "I know you better than you know  yourself, Julie, and maybe that's the problem. I got too close and now  you're running scared. You don't trust me."

"I do, it's just... Can't we just go back to the way things were before? When we were best friends?"

He sighed and sagged back into his chair. "We can't unring the bell.  And I can't go on pretending that everything is okay. Because it's  not."

She felt utterly sick inside. "I don't want to lose you. You mean more to me than anything."

"Just not enough to love me."

He was breaking her heart. "Luc-"

He held his hand up to stop her. "Sorry, that was a low blow. It was  uncalled for. Like you said so many times before, you feel what you  feel. Or don't feel. And the fact of the matter is that I love you and  you don't feel the same about me."