More Than a Convenient Bride(26)

Amelia looked from her son to Julie, and back again. "I don't know..."

"Have you seen yourself in a mirror lately? You look terrible."

Amelia sighed, her shoulders sagging. "And I feel terrible. But he needs me here."

"Does he need you, or is it that you need him?"

Amelia frowned.

"Do you think Tommy doesn't notice how you look? He needs you to be  strong for him. You can't do that if you're about to collapse."

Julie's words clearly hit home. "I guess I could sneak out for a little while."

Feeling relieved, Julie jotted down the address for Amelia, who typed it into the GPS on her smart phone.

"You know, you're going to be a great mom someday," Amelia told her.

It was meant as a compliment, but it made Julie's heart hurt. She  wouldn't be a good mother, because she would never have children. If she  couldn't set aside her fears and let her guard down for Luc, her best  friend, there was little hope left of her ever finding Mr. Right.





 Fifteen

Late that afternoon, when Luc pulled into the garage, Julie's car was  gone. He felt both disappointed and relieved at the same time. They  needed to talk, to figure this marriage out. Despite his best efforts to  adhere to their "plan," to think with his head, his heart seemed to be  calling the shots now. He wanted Julie, in every way a man could want a  woman. But her unwillingness to even consider discussing it didn't bode  well for him. And she was so insistent that he and Amelia settle their  past, he couldn't help but feel that she was hoping that he and Amelia  would fall back in love. That would certainly save Julie the task of  confronting her feelings. The difficult ones, that she kept buried deep.  Her heart was like a fortress, and he wasn't quite sure how he would  tear the walls down.

Or if that was even possible.

Luc let himself into the house, and found his mother in the family  room, by the window overlooking the garden, reading a book. On her lap,  curled in a ball, slept the kitten.

"Babysitting?" he asked her with a grin. He'd suspected she would enjoy the kitten as much as Julie did.

"Houdini," his mother said, and in answer to his confused look, added, "That's the kitten's name."

"Why Houdini?"

"He's an escape artist, and once he gets away, finding him is almost impossible."

"He's white, how could you miss him?"

"You'll see. And when you're searching for him, do yourself a favor and look up. That's where he prefers to be."

"Up where?"

"Anywhere he can reach. If he can get his nails into it, he starts climbing and doesn't stop until he reaches the top."

"Like what?"

"A bed, curtains, a pant leg. A bare leg-and you can bet that my nurse  wasn't happy about that. It doesn't matter as long as it takes him  vertical."

Luc frowned. "He's blind. That could be very dangerous."

"I tried to explain that to him, but you know cats," she said with an exaggerated shrug, "they never listen to reason."

He shot her a look.

She smiled. "On the bright side he has a very hard head."

"And how do you know that?"

"Every now and then he gets overexcited, takes off running and slams  headfirst into something. Usually a wall or a piece of furniture. I  won't lie, it's hard not to laugh, but he just shakes it off and keeps  going. Then, bam, he hits something else. He'll do that three or four  times in one spot, until he learns the landscape. I think he's mapping  out the house."                       
       
           



       

"With his head?"

His mother shrugged. "Whatever works, I guess."

Luc wondered if cats were capable of using that sort of logic. "I don't suppose you know where Julie is."

"She's sitting with Tommy while Amelia naps, so he won't wake up alone."

"Where is Amelia?"

"At Julie's condo. She insisted that Amelia go there and take a nap."

Julie's condo? Hadn't she given it up when she moved in with him? She'd never actually said she would, but he'd just assumed...

He sighed and shook his head. Wrong again.

"Dinner will be ready at seven," his mother told him, in a tone that said being late was unacceptable.

Which gave him just enough time for a couple of beers at the Texas Cattleman's Club.

He turned to leave, but she stopped him. "There's something I wanted to ask you."

"About what?"

"I'm having my blood transfusion tomorrow and Julie asked me to stop in  and see Amelia while I'm there. She said Amelia wants to apologize to  me."

"Will you let her?"

"That's what I'm not sure about. I feel as if forgiving her would mean being disloyal to you."

A week ago, he may have thought so, too. But this wasn't about him  anymore. He was finally at peace with their past. Didn't Amelia deserve  the same?

"You should talk to her," he said. "I didn't want to believe it either, but she really has changed."

His mother gasped softly. "Don't tell me you still have feelings for her."

The idea made him chuckle, because other than sympathy for her and her  son, he didn't feel much of anything for her. "Not at all. And I  wouldn't consider your speaking to her as disloyal. In fact, I think it  would be good for both of you."

"She broke your heart."

"Only because I let her." And now it looked as if he might be in a  similar situation with Julie. Would he chase her down, only to have her  break his heart? He'd been patient these past weeks, but his patience  was wearing very thin. Either she loved him or she didn't. He needed to  know if they had a future together.

When he got to the club he took a seat at the bar, ordered a beer and  settled in to watch the basketball game playing on the television. He'd  had three beers when his phone rang. It was Julie. But he had no idea  what to say to her.

He ignored the call, turned the ringer off on his phone and ordered a scotch

The bartender, who knew he normally didn't have more than a beer or  two, regarded him with growing concern. "Everything okay?" he asked.

"I should think that's pretty obvious," Luc said, swirling the scotch  in his glass. Then he drained it in one swallow, set the glass down a  little too forcefully and tapped the bar for another.

"Not until you hand them over," the bartender said, holding out his hand.

Without argument Luc dug his keys out of his pocket and dropped them in  his hand. He was no stranger to the end result of drinking and driving.  He'd seen it far too many times to make the same mistake himself. If he  had to he would walk home.

Everything was getting a bit fuzzy, so Luc wasn't sure how long he'd  been sitting there or how many drinks he'd consumed when Drew sat down  at the bar beside him.

"Hey," Drew said, gesturing to the bartender for a beer.

"Hey," Luc replied.

Drew took a long pull on his beer when it arrived, then set it down on the bar and asked Luc, "You want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Whichever sorrows you're drowning with that scotch."

Trying to drown, and failing miserably. In fact, Luc felt even worse  than he had when he walked in the door. "You gonna make me guess?" Drew  asked.

"I'm in love with Julie." He'd never said that out loud before, and  hearing those words come out of his own mouth was a little surreal. So  he said it again. "I am in love with Julie."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

He laughed bitterly. "Drew, I would give anything to go back to way  things were before, when I didn't know what I was missing. When being  her best friend was enough. But being with her has changed me, and now I  can't change back."

"What makes you think you have to?"

"She doesn't love me."

"I don't believe that for a second."                       
       
           



       

"Okay, she isn't in love with me."

"Have you told her that you're in love with her?"

"She won't give me the chance. I tried to talk to her about it today  and she refused to listen. She wants things to stay just the way they  are now. I'm worried that if I push her too hard, it will only drive her  away." He used to believe that he could think his way out of any  situation but this one had him stumped.

"So what are you going to do?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be sitting here. Maybe I shouldn't do  anything yet. Maybe I should give her more time. Just keep doing what  we've been doing. Everything was perfect until I brought it up today."

"It seems to me that if things were perfect, you wouldn't have had to bring it up."

He'd be damned if Drew wasn't spot on. As close as Luc and Julie were,  emotionally and physically, he wanted more. Being Julie's friend just  wasn't enough now. But was he willing to risk their friendship?