Moonshine(34)

I took a deep breath. I would tell him. I could do this. I know he is right. I know that if I tell somebody I will feel better, but it’s hard. I have carried this secret with me for months. Alone.

“I can see that you’re getting upset. I can tell it in your body language. If you need to put up your feet, you can. That’s what the couch is for, and of course my naps. I’m pretty old you know. Sometimes I’m ready for bed around three in the afternoon.”

I knew what he was trying to do, and it was actually working. I propped my feet up onto the couch and it helped. This way I was facing away from him, and when I closed my eyes I could picture myself talking to Bradley instead. “It started a few months ago. I was raped by my best friend’s father at my school, and then when we were on our way home we wrecked. It was just me and him in the car. Me and Moon’s father, I mean. His father died right there in the seat next to me, and I lived. No one knows what he did to me, especially not my best friend Moon. Since then I haven’t been able to be around him. He has his father’s eyes.” I was choked up and barely talking.

“How long have the two of you been friends?”

“We met the summer before second grade. We have been best friends ever since.”

“I see, and what is your reasoning behind not telling him the truth.”

“I won’t tell him.”

“I’m not asking you too. I just want to know why. Why is it that you haven’t told him?”

“He won’t believe me. It’s his dad. I will lose my best friend forever.” I argued.

“And how long has it been since you have talked to this best friend? You said earlier that you haven’t been able to be around him?”

“Since the day I woke up in the hospital, I can’t bring myself to be near him.”

“Seems to me like you have already lost him then, correct?”

“I, well,” I stuttered with my words.

“In this situation you are losing him either way. It may not seem like it now because he is still close enough to reel back in his friendship, but if you keep pushing him away then you will lose him.”

“I don’t want to lose him forever, I love him.”

“You’re in love with him, or you love him as your best friend?” He was writing a million miles per minute on that notebook of his. I wondered if I had said the wrong thing. I guess there was no use in denying it now.

“I’m in love with him and I have been since we were kids.”

“Good, then you don’t want to lose him. I’m going to tell you like I tell all of my patients when they start this treatment. You have a long road ahead of you, and it won’t be easy. You will struggle today and every day. If it were easy then everyone would do it. I like for my patients to set a goal for themselves that they will have to master before they leave the facility. It’s sort of like your final exam. The truth will set you free, my girl. This will be your final exam.”

“Wait, I thought you said the patient sets the goal.”

“Normally yes, but this will be perfect for you.”

“I don’t want to. I will never be ready for that. I can’t even look him in the eyes.”

“I know, but you will.”

“I won’t.”

“Trust me. Now our time is up for the day, but this will give you something to think about for next week. We will meet the same time and day next week.”

I let out a frustrated sigh. Who the hell does he think he is? I swear I’d like to wipe that happy grin off his smug little face.

I tried to spend the rest of the evening alone in solitude in my room. I wanted to skip eating and people all together. I should have known that wouldn’t last. The knock on my door came way too soon and I wasn’t ready to open up to the outside world just yet.





19



Moon

A fucking F in French, go fucking figure. “My mom is going to go bat shit when she sees these grades.”

“Don’t sweat it man. We’ll figure it out.” Josh slapped my back.

“Oh really, can you speak French?”

“Wee wee,” he said jokingly.

“I’m fucking serious,” I tried not to laugh.

“I know. Surely there is someone in this school who can help. Why don’t you talk to the teacher and see if she can recommend someone to tutor you.”

“I’ll try. It can’t hurt, right? Maybe she will take pity on me. I have to graduate.”

“What is the plan after you graduate?”

“First I have to graduate.” I sighed.

“True that.” He held up his fist. I shook my head and punched his fist. I’m glad this boy always has my back. Right now I don’t know what I would do without him.