Moonshine(13)

“Just because, please don’t ask anymore. Drop it, okay.” She started to walk away.

“Wait, hold on a sec. I have something that I need to give you before you go.” She never turned around to look at me and I knew that she wouldn’t. “I got something for you for your birthday and I was going to give it to you the night of the accident, but I never got the chance.” I stepped up as close as I could get to her without making her run. “I need you to close your eyes and trust me for one second. Could you do that for me? Then I will walk away and leave you alone.”

She didn’t say no and she put her head down so I took that as a sign that it was okay. “Are your eyes closed?” I asked. She didn’t speak, only shook her head. I grabbed the necklace out of the box and chucked the box on the ground. I stepped close enough to her that I could smell her and it was doing crazy things to me. Damn, she smells so good. I wish I could touch her. Ah hell, I wish I could touch her right now. Just kiss her cheek like I used to do every day before this shit happened.

“I will try my best not to touch you.” I spoke but it came out so shaky that I don’t know if she understood me. Fortunately, the necklace was long enough to put over her head without unhooking it. As I slid it over her head I heard her take a deep breath. It was so loud that I dropped the necklace onto her neck. I was trying to be easy with her but she scared me. So much for being graceful. I jumped back quickly. “I am sorry. You startled me. You can open your eyes now.”

I waited and watched as she opened them. I still couldn’t see her reaction from where I stood, but I could hear it. She gasped loudly. “Do you like it?” I asked her.

“It’s beautiful.”

“It made me think of you. The first time we met I thought your eyes looked like the stars. I remember thinking that I had never seen anything so beautiful, and then you kicked me. It was the cutest thing ever and well, I haven’t left your side ever since. I don’t plan to either. So, please don’t shut me out of your life.” She was still crying and I didn’t know if I had said too much.

“Thank you, Moon.” She whispered into the air.

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“I want you to know that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I just need some time, and I don’t know how much. There are things that I can’t talk about, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to. I promise that I will try. I will try to come back. But for now, you have to give me the space I need. Can you do that for me please?”

“If that’s what you want.” I wanted to take a hold of the hand that hung down by her side, but I fought off the urge.

“It’s what I need.” She nearly pleaded with her words and I would do anything for this girl. If space is what she needs than that’s what she’ll get, no matter how badly it hurts.

“Okay,” was all that I could say in response. I wasn’t going to argue with her. I could tell in the desperation of her words that she needs me to understand what she’s saying more than anyone. I have always been there for her and I won’t stop now.

“I want you to know that this necklace is the greatest gift that anyone has ever given me, and I will cherish it. Each time I look at it I will think of you. Always.” I nearly choked at her words. There was a simple shred of hope somewhere in those words and I would hold onto them with my life.

“Bye, Moon.”

“Bye, Shine baby.”





8



Shine

When he called me baby I wanted to just turn around and run to him as fast as I could, but it wasn’t possible. I closed the front door and leaned back against it. My hand was still holding onto the Silver Star that hung from the necklace. It really is beautiful. I will never take it off as long as I live. It was a good reminder that he would always be by my heart, but just out of my reach.

It was so good to get to speak to him. I felt like I was able to give him a little closure and maybe him seeing me so broken would keep him farther away. He was suffering, but I know that I wouldn’t be able to help him, not if I was suffering too. We would make a good pair. A hot mess is what we would be. We have to heal first, and to be completely honest I’m not sure I care if I ever heal. What good would I be? I tucked the necklace down inside of my shirt before I went to see the folks. This should be pleasant.

I walked into the living room where mom and dad were watching TV. The looks on their faces was priceless. I figured I would put on a good show so that they would get off my back about this doctor nonsense. I would only agree to one thing and I wanted to puke just thinking about it. I sat down on the love seat. They were seated on each end of the couch, and both were staring at me like I had two heads. “Okay, here is what I’ve decided. I will go back to school on Monday, but I am quitting the squad and I don’t want to see any doctor. I will get through this on my own.”